Monday, April 4, 2011

An Important New Local Website Appears: I Heart Local Music / Ask Tweetnastyy: Vol. II / Local Election Coverage

Our Twitter-buddy @chewyfally has gone and done something awesome. She's started a website called I Heart Local Music which features reviews, videos, photo galleries, and, yes, a concert calendar! With any luck, we can soon abandon altogether (except for when we need a good parsnip recipe). Go
here and bookmark the site and check it daily (but remember to still come to us for your boner jokes).


At the LC, the question we get asked the most is this: Who the fuck IS Chip, anyway? Answer: he's the guy with the boner! The second most asked question is: Will Tweetnastyy ever write another advice column? The answer is yes, and it has arrived.

Tweetnastyy works slowly and methodically, and she's been polishing this one since December, revising each sentence for maximum "nastyyness." Enjoy. And follow her on Twitter @tweetnastyy .

Is it true that size doesn't matter? If it does, what's a good size?

Size matters. It really really matters. A big pecker is nothing if you don't know how to use it but a small pecker is nothing either way. You'd better just perfect your oral and manual skills and hope you meet a nice girl that can stifle her laughter once she gets downtown. As far as determining what a "good size" would be, I've never measured a male partner's junk. There are some men around me, but it's a cold day and a lot of them are a bit aged. Wouldn't be accurate, or fair. Girth is important, shape is important. A man's, inner workings matter. You've heard the expression "like throwing a hot dog down a hallway"? Yeah, that could be *anyone's* fault. A "good size varies" person to person. I've heard the term "size queen" thrown around a lot. I know what a good dick looks like. Will be happy to judge on site.

What are your thoughts on porn?

I like it? It's good. I watch it. I've also seen it ruin relationships. I guess as long as it doesn't interfere with your IRL love life, you're good to go. I don't have a reliable internet connection at home, but when I did, it seemed like I was always getting bored, looking for weirder shit all the time. Who knows where that could've gone? ( Who wants to, really?) I've seen a lot of weird porn. The kind that you bring up at parties and there's that ONE guy who chimes in because he's seen every porn ever and probably has hairy palms and shit. Don't be that guy's friend, by the way. Growing up, first starting to date, I considered porn and masturbation to be cheating. Obviously I've grown up and I know that, for perfectly normal people, both of those things are part of daily life. I do think that if your partner has a problem with it and you have no intention of slowing down or stopping, it most definitely becomes a problem. If you're ogling Japanese girls on the bus and your partner knows you're into that kind of thing, it's going to hurt their feelings and you probably won't get a BJ later. Ahem, sorry. Please porn responsibly.

"What is the most enjoyable sex toy and why?

Brace yourself. Grab a chair and plant your ass firmly on the cushion. Really dig your claws into the armrest. I've never owned a sex toy of any kind. I have no idea what sex toy is most effective. I've gone and looked, but never with any intent to purchase. Not much help, there. I'm definitely open to having and using one, though. Maybe if I received one as a gift or something."


Local elections are tomorrow and we're ready to lend our full support to Sven Alstrom, whose statements in today's UDK appeal strongly to our scenester and progressive sensibilities:

"I'm one of the best candidates for downtown Lawrence...I'm the only candidate that supports the preservation of the Baker Wetlands and the SLT being south of Wakarusa."

Sven to win!!

1 comment:

The Cap'n said...

Tweetnastyy is pretty awesome. I love her articles. They inform the Capt's many sorostitute hunts and also his much fewer sexual encounters. Keep up the good work, TN