Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Missed Connection of the Week: A Dirty Dillons Reverie / We Begin Studying "Best of the Year" Lists

Dirty Dillons is nothing but a pile of rubble these days, but the sweet memories remain, as witnessed in this romantic recent Missed Connection from Craigslist:

"we used to meet up at the Dillons on Mass St a couple years ago, and drive to the park and suck each other off. hit me up if you're still around."

But where should they meet now?

Chip: "There was definitely something about Dirty Dillons that made people horny. I think it was the desperation. I almost masturbated once in Aisle 2."


It's almost December and that means it's time for us to start constantly perusing "Best of the Year" lists to make sure we didn't miss anything hip this year. PopMatters' already has their list up and "the best rock song of the year," they say, is "We Bros" by Manchester's Wu Lyf.

"Here’s a fun party game: drop the needle on WU LYF’s debut record, Go Tell Fire to the Mountain, and take a drink every time you understand something gravel-throated frontman Ellery Roberts says. Chances are you’ll end up stone cold sober by the time album closer “Heavy Pop” fades away."

We're not sure why ending up stone-cold sober is a fun party game, but we do like song titles such as "Such a Sad Puppy Dog."

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Tuesday Scenester Picks: Someone Still Loves You, Boris Yeltsin at Wonder Fair and Horror Remix at Bottleneck

Let's take a (brief) break from talking about #heblowsalot and concentrate on what to do in Larryville tonight.

With the Jackpot scenester era nearing an end, where should one go for an $8 rock show? How about Wonder Fair? They stake their claim as a musical contender tonight with a show by Someone Still Loves You, Boris Yeltsin (who have played the Jackpot on numerous occasions). Sure, a few of you will miss the full bar at the Jackpot, but most of you only drink PBR anyway and, let's not kid ourselves, both the sightlines and likely the sound will be better in the intimate confines of Wonder Fair. Ghosty opens the show at 8:30.

Tonight's other event of note is the Thanksgiving-themed edition of Horror Remix at the Bottleneck. Why is it happening AFTER Thankgiving? Who cares? Any time is a good time for "2 hours of turkey terror," as far as we're concerned, and the website information on tonight's offering has already given Chip a boner:

"SHADOW WOODS randomly places leftover edits (or trimmings) from nude scenes already in the film and redistributes them out of context to the story’s timeline... it’s just about the cheapest thing I’ve ever seen. And I love cheap, but this was obviously not the director’s decision, just a butcher job by a producer trying to make a boob quota."

Chip: "Why doesn't EVERY cheap horror film employ this technique? Most horror films today don't even seem to have a boob quota."

And is another of tonight's films seriously about a giant killer turkey who drinks the blood of drug addicts? This poster would suggest so:

Monday, November 28, 2011

Nice Guys Finish Last (And $6 Million Richer): We Say Goodbye To Turner Gill / "He Blows a Lot," Part II: The Ballad of EmmaKate988

Readers, college football is a business and, if you lose enough games, you're eventually going to get sacked, no matter if you are a big fat bully or an upstanding Christian gentleman. So we bid Turner Gill farewell today and hope his players immediately get drunk, open Twitter accounts, and have sex after 10:00 pm.

But what will the future of KU football hold? We've got our fingers crossed for former Texas Tech coach Mike Leach, who's currrently suing ESPN and is prone to making offensive comments about his players' "fat little girlfriends." Sure, he'll no doubt get into trouble and have to be fired within a couple years as well, but at least it will be a fun ride while it lasts. We might even win a few games.

Here's Gill preparing to thumb a ride on the private jet he can purchase with his $6 million dollar buy-out:


Local progressives have been in desperate need of a new Kansas folk hero, and teen-tweeter Emma Sullivan is proving just the ticket after last week's Brownback/#heblowsalot controversy. Word spread last night that Sullivan would NOT be writing the school-mandated apology letter to the Governor, assuring us all that certain rights (namely, the right to tell each other via Twitter who blows a lot) are worth protecting no matter the consequences.

Today the governor's office issued a statement of apology for his staff's over-reaction (an act of damage control, no doubt), which included this statement: "Freedom of speech is among our most treasured freedoms."

But we personally won't be satisfied until he issues a statement admitting that he does blow. A lot.

Saturday, November 26, 2011

"He Blows a Lot": The Governor Brownback Story / Documentary Pick of the Day / Courtneybelle Watches Breaking Dawn, Part One

Readers, if we learned one thing during Reconciliation Week, it's that one shouldn't tweet silly things about the governor during Reconciliation Week or you'll be made to write a letter of apology.

During a Statehouse Field Trip for the Youth in Government program, a KC teenager fired off the following tweet:

“Just made mean comments at gov. brownback and told him he sucked, in person #heblowsalot.”

Sure, the tweet may have been untrue in its specifics (she didn't really say this in person to the gov) but it's certainly very true in a larger sense (He does blow. A lot.). The governor's office flagged the tweet and passed it along to the Youth in Government program who passed it along to the school whose principal ordered her to write an apology. Forced "reconciliation" is so hip right now!

Here's the gov drinking some beers, perhaps to celebrate another successful reconciliation:


Whether you're a hipster or a hippie, you've no doubt had more than a few good times with Split Lip Rayfield during your time in Larryville, so you should probably see the new documentary Never Make It Home at Liberty Hall tonight at 7:30. It chronicles the band's final tour with Kirk. Check out the official website here


Since our intrepid field reporter Courtneybelle decided to camp out four hours early to see the new Twilight film, we asked her to document the madness for us. Here's the result, which becomes a rather profound inquiry into the idea of "vampire masturbation." Enjoy.

Breaking Dawn Part 1

Look, we know these movies are bad and that teenage abstinence is folly as well as a statistical unlikelihood. That’s not the point. There are many reasons highly functioning, basically rational American females will wait in line anywhere from 4 to 19 hours to see the worst acting of the year. Of course, we have to be there at midnight or the whole saccharine fairy tale will turn into a pumpkin latte. It’s clearly just porn for girls. You don’t justify men’s porn, so we shouldn’t have to justify ours. While you roll your eyes at our vacuous choice of fare, remember that Breaking Dawn made 139.5 million in two days. Beat that, Ron Jeremy!

With that defense in mind I will say that being at Southwind at 9 a.m. (4 hours before it's open) is top-level crazy (although, no one looks askance at Star Wars fans doing the same or worse). The next craziest women arrived at 1:30 p.m., replete with matching hoodies, T-shirts, and jewelry. Naturally they brought the books, since you never do know when a girl fight may break out over some minute detail of the story. A couple of women were having a very serious discussion about which names from the books were going to be used to name a litter of puppies. It also came out that these two ladies had made a pilgrimage to Forks, Washington, the setting of the film's improbable tales. An industry which caters to droves of romance-starved women is mounting there. Moreover, I learned that Forks has a parade in honor of Bella's fictitious birthday and tourists can get "tribal elders" to spin their yarns.

Even though I dig the books (and tolerate the movies), there’s always been one liberty taken with vampire canon that is unforgivable. VAMPIRES DON’T HAVE SWIMMERS! Sure, they can wander in the day. There’s precedence for that. Vampires that don’t prey on humans? - fine. Sparkles? - whatever. Corpses with functioning sperm is out of the question. That leaves the reader thinking about vampire masturbation. That is an image I don’t need. And it rather takes the sheen off the fun of living forever, don’t you think? Imagine our favorite tragically romantic monsters, Dracula, Lestat, Nosferatu, furtively disposing of ejaculates into a tube sock? I’m not having it.

Look people, this Twilight thing is real and inescapable, like Top Gun, Titanic, and women in bikinis with machine guns. The top two baby names of last year were Jacob and Isabella. The only way to sleep after learning that little factoid is to embrace the madness. I hear a lot of bitching about Stephanie Meyer’s "heteronormative vampires". I think we're giving the author more credit for insidious, right-wing messages than she deserves. Mormons wank too! It Hasn't occurred to anyone that Stephanie Meyer just wanted a nice, clean, teen menage a trois fantasy to toss off to?

Monday, November 21, 2011

Thanksgiving Break / Late Night Sports Event of the Week

Readers, we're taking the week off from blogging, but we're reasonably confident you can find enough on-line porn and/or pictures of cute fuzzy animals to entertain you in the meantime.

Also, don't forget to hit the bars tonight for KU's 11:00 tip-off! It's a good chance to close the bars down on a Monday.

Sunday, November 20, 2011

LJ-World Rant of the Week

We love the continuing series of LJ-World articles about Doug Compton "stealing the sun" with his seven-story building across from the Pig and the potential six-story hotel complex likely to go up just across from it.

Here's a furious LJ-World talkbacker named Swan_Diver considering the implications of the new building:

"This proposed monstrosity represents nothing less than the on-going rape of an important national historic site, related to the epic conflict of the American Civil War. The building has absolutely nothing to offer this cultural legacy, which has been designed for a vacuum. Its bought-and-paid-for 'architects' understand that they can vulgarly thumb their noses at Lawrence's history and heritage, it's toothless Historic Resources Commission, powerless and ineffective Historic Resources 'Coordinator,' and so-called 'Downtown Design Guidelines.'

Dozens of men, some as young as teens, died at the hands of the mass-murderers from Jackson County, Missouri, on the morning of the Lawrence Massacre of August, 1863 -- in the two-hundred yards surrounding this site. This irrelevant mass of thoughtless hubris will serve only to desecrate their sacrifices, and further erase the physical context of the era in which this community was born.

Furthermore -- you definitely won't see see such development proposals for the west side of downtown, along Vermont. These new high-rises will be exclusively reserved for Lawrence's east side, where the race and social and economic class of its residents can continue to be denigrated and ignored by wholly-unrepresentative officials seated at the poorly-designed and outmoded City Hall at 6th and Massachusetts."

Chip: Swan_Diver must not realize that this building is slated to have a rooftop pool. It's imperative that Larryville be able to compete with KC's rooftop pool at The Jones, a place where, according to my best research, every day looks like this:

Saturday, November 19, 2011

We Celebrate Brownback's "Reconciliation Week" / Required Reading: "The Hipsterfication of America"

Readers, we hope you are aware that Governor Brownback issued a proclamation on Thursday that the coming week should be known as "Reconciliation Week":

“Reconciliation involves owning the past and looking forward to the future. As Mahatma Gandhi said: ‘Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.' I urge all Kansans to contact and attempt to reconcile with anyone with whom they are estranged by harsh feelings or anger."

So call up your scenester friends and apologize for spilling PBR on them during the 11/11/11 festivities and call up Chip and forgive him for his many embarrassing and inopportune boners. But will you forgive the Governor himself for his many crimes against Kansas and art? Personally we won't go that far.


A hip friend sent us this NPR piece yesterday called "The Hipsterfication of America." Do you agree with this assertion?

"You might think that as hipsterism ripples out, in concentric (and eccentric) circles farther and farther from its big-city epicenters, the ultra-coolitude would lose its authenticity, Furia says, "but the opposite may be true. Cities are known for setting trends; hipsterism is about anti-trends. It sounds funny, but hipsters in Omaha may actually be cooler than hipsters in New York City — everyone knows about New York City."

We don't trust any piece about the idea of "hip" unless it quotes John Leland, who wrote Hip: The History. Luckily, this piece contains a choice quote from Leland:

"I like to believe there's something smarter lurking within our romance with hip ... an idea of enlightenment and awareness."

Isn't it pretty to think so?*

[Free PBR for the first person to name the literary reference of our last sentence.]

Friday, November 18, 2011

Weekend Guide: Sparkly Vampires, Sparkly Singers, Royal Bangs and Bear Hands

If you're a tweenage girl, a vampire freak, or have a boner for Kristen Stewart (Chip: "Guilty!"), the movie of the weekend is of course The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn-- Part I (which has been divided, Harry Potter-style, into two parts to gauge as much money out of you as possible).

In a surprisingly un-scathing review, the AV Club asserts: "In directing these final films, Bill Condon (Dreamgirls) has created something that’s half shameless wedding fantasia and half David Cronenberg-worthy body horror."

Richard: "I'm literally crying right now to see Cronenberg's name invoked in connection to these films."

But how do the snarky AV-Club talkbackers feel:

bukaball says: "My wife guilted me into watching the first one. I didn't even need to ask for the blowjob, that's how bad she felt."


If you're looking for an early excuse to booze it up tonight (7:00-9:00), we recommmend you stop by the Jazzhaus (that's right: the Jazzhaus!) and listen to KC's Li'l Rachel belt out some blues with the Rhythm Busters. She's quite popular in Europe, she dresses in sparkly dresses, and you might remember her from such local booze-soaked evening as the Free State Glass Christmas party from a couple years ago. We'll be on the scene.


And of course you'll want to spend as much time as possible at the Jackpot in the next few weeks before it transitions into...something else. Saturday offers two Pitchfork-approved bands: Royal Bangs and Bear Hands. The latter is pictured below. The dude is wearing a shirt with the Morton's salt logo! That's got to be hip, right?

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Work of Art Review: The Tiger Penis Episode / NachoTron 3000 / Local Theatre Pick of the Week: Brecht Meets Miller

We've been huge fans of Work of Art since the beginning, and last night's episode was one of the strongest yet, with our favorite artist of the season, The Sucklord, spray-painting nipples on China Chow's dress and this year's resident sexpot, Lola, creating a giant street mural of a group of orgiastic tigers with "striped tiger dicks" in which passers-by could paste more tiger-boners to the piece, creating an important communal boner-bonding moment.

Chip: "How that piece did not win is a mystery I'll never understand."

The AV-Club review seems to agree: "You can create serious art with tiger penises...this is a phallic episode of Work Of Art, and thus a kind of delightful one for those of us who appreciate the show’s willingness to engage in discourses not often seen within other reality programming. Which, yes, in this case means penises."

If you're not engaging in these discourses every week, you're missing out!


Readers, we hate Missouri more than ever right now due to their decision to jump ship and head to the SEC, and we were fully prepared to swear off this year's Border Showdown altogether until we heard about the Nachotron 3000:

"Fans are invited to experience NachoTron 3000, the world's first interactive, competitive nacho-making machine created by “scientists” to analyze how human football fandom correlates to delicious nacho toppings. Before the Jayhawks and Tigers go head-to-head on the gridiron, their fans will compete in a test of wits and brute athleticism off the field as they throw footballs at close-range targets in hopes of winning nacho toppings for their Mission tortilla chips and scoring points for their beloved team."

And look at this quote, which we swear to you is not from The Onion but is indeed real:

“The Border Showdown represents the perfect blend of competitive sportsmanship and ravenous fans that NachoTron 3000 was made for,” explained Pete Thornfield, Director at Mission Foods, the company who funded the NachoTron research. “Fans should come hungry, both for their team to win and for nachos."

Read more here and behold the Nachotron 3000:


Finally, are you excited about KU University Theatre's experimental Brechtian interpretation of Arthur Miller's American classic All My Sons, which runs through Sunday:

Richard: "Yes. Look for me during intermission expounding on Brecht's use of 'the alienation effect.' If I don't leave the theatre completely alienated, I'm asking for my money back."

Chip: "That would probably be amusing if I knew who Brecht was. Also, based on the official trailer for the performance, it's going to be fucking hilarious. But I didn't realize it was a comedy?"

Watch the trailer on YouTube here

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Local Music Compilation of the Winter: Replay Records' Cheap Beer

Readers, after all the distressing news about the Jackpot sale this week, we need a hip event to anticipate, ideally one that is occurring at the Jackpot during its final days of scenester glory.

Luckily, we've found just the event.

On Friday Dec. 2, ten bucks will grant you the following: admission into the Jackpot's Replay Records release party featuring numerous bands from the debut compilation; a free copy of said compilation album (featuring a kick-ass cover by Kenneth Kupfer); and free entry into the following night's Replay show featuring many more of those bands. Get the full scoop on the bands here .

Now check out the cover. The AJAX graffiti is an especially nice touch.

Chip: "I think the serpent symbolizes how the Replay is a den of iniquity."

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

A Twitter-Tone Poem to Celebrate the End of the Jackpot Scenester Era / Required Reading of the Week: Hipsters and Bobos

It's been too long since we assembled one of our Twitter poems for your reading pleasure, but the sale of the Jackpot seemed a perfect time to engage in a little scenester nostalgia and ask our Twitter army to send us your #favoritejackpotmoments. So here it is: a poem assembled from your tweets (with minor edits and at least one line presented totally out of context for humorous artistic purposes and a few of our own ideas tossed in for good measure). Enjoy!

double-fisting PBR band-beer pitchers the time I got to open for bill Callahan!
drunk metal tom climbing on the stage and karl of the donkey show throwing him off skidding in a puddle of beer
Watching KU win the championship with a packed house.
playing with delta saints and spirit is the spirit.
getting obliterated in the basement then chasing down a punk kid in the alley that stole a mandolin
getting drunk and ignoring the legendary arcade fire show there! #crowdsmakemenervous
Getting a free beer from a guy at a show just because I was a KJHK DJ.
Having a beer with Jason Molina from Magnolia Electric Co before the show, which was amazing. My hero.
John Darnielle politely shushing a cellphone conversation during his set.
BARRR doing an artist talk with like 10 people there.
Win Butler destroying the old drop ceiling with his guitar.
Seeing The Architects punk rock jump, and then come down THROUGH the stage. They had to reinforce that sucker early on.
Opening for Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros in 09'...jackpot was packed Top to bottom, left to right, front 2 back

Seeing Deerhoof, Damien Jurado.
And Arcade Fire. And Black Christmas.
a pretty epic evening with the the antlers
tUnE yArDs rocked it pretty hard

April 15. Such a crazy night.

Shiner Bock on tap.

The time this drunk girl was hanging all over me and E kept referring to her as "Sweaty Boobs"

The time I gave a guy a wedgie while bouncing him-- tore his undies COMPLETELY out of his pants.

Favorite Jackpot moment: Where's my face? On the Jackpot floor. Because Dan Deacon arrived, glowing skull in hand, years ago.

Jackpot bathroom graffiti:


We love articles in which authors try to define the term "hipster," and Sunday's NY-Times piece called "Generation Sell" is certainly worth a read. It argues that "hipsters and bobos are symbiotic" and have combined to produce the following mentality:

"Today’s ideal social form is not the commune or the movement or even the individual creator as such; it’s the small business. Every artistic or moral aspiration — music, food, good works, what have you — is expressed in those terms."

The piece builds to a conclusion that Chip finds terrifying, which is that hipsters (as we know them now) are possibly here to stay:

"...hipsters, who’ve been around for 15 years or so, appear to have become a durable part of our cultural configuration."

Monday, November 14, 2011

Sad Scenester News of the Week: The Jackpot Gets Sold / KU Quidditch and Dirty Dillons Demolition Photos

If you're hip, you've probably heard the rumors for awhile now, but the word is officially out today (via the LJ-World's bizarre, speculative Town Talk column ): the Jackpot is getting sold.

According to the piece, the new owner is Eric Berman, who "hopes to still have some local music shows but also wants to add some "typical bar fare, a pool table or two, dart boards, a juke box, that sort of thing." Berman said he went to school in Lawrence in the '70s and '80s, moved to San Francisco and then spent a lot of time trying to persuade his California wife to move to Lawrence" (LJ-World).

San Francisco, eh? Perhaps he'll be bringing in a lot of noodly jambands. Expect to see puzzled scenesters crying outside the Japes as early as December.


Sadly, KU's young wizards didn't prove victorious in the Quidditch World Cup this weekend, but we celebrate their valiant efforts and strongly encourage you to click this UDK link for a photo gallery of images such as this, which appears to be some sort of broomstick boner-fight:


The UDK is really doing a bang-up job of images lately, and here's one that's sure to make you cry: it's the directory sign from Dirty Dillons, still hanging amidst the rubble of the demolition. Go here for a demolition photo gallery .

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Football and Quidditch Photos of the Weekend / Missed Connection of the Week

So yesterday's KU-Baylor game was hardly the slaughter we predicted. But in many ways it was far worse, with KU blowing a 21 point lead in the fourth quarter and losing in overtime on a bold or crazy (depending on your point of view) attempt at a two-point conversion.

The day also brought a rare display of emotion from Gill, as witnessed in this great LJ-World shot of him being restrained by the refs. Will we soon see him sacked, paid off, and dragged off of campus in a similar fashion?

We're not sure exactly how the Quidditch World Cup works, but apparently one plays A LOT of matches in a two day time span. We do know that KU Quidditch suffered their first tournament loss yesterday afternoon, 30-20, due to a "Hofstra snitch snatch" (via @UDK_Quidditch).

And here's our favorite photo of the tournament, taken from the Gothamist website. That kid in the background is using what Chip refers to as a "boner-grip."


Here's an intriguing W4M Missed Connection from last night's Guns N' Roses show in KC. If the dude discovers the post, he might just hook up with this lady AND her mother (and please note the clever lyrical references throughout):

"I was wearing an American flag bandana, you had a red bandana coming out of your back left pocket...I don't usually go for gingers but I think we got what it takes to make it. You're a bit older than me but I feel like I've known you forever. I think my mom would love to meet you, too. Please e-mail me if you're ready to meet your rocket queen. I still love you, baby."

Saturday, November 12, 2011

We Look for Our Joy With Lucinda Williams at Liberty Hall / KU Quidditch Gets Its World Cup On!

Sure, we missed a chance to get banged-up at a Ricky Fitts reunion show and sit on the Tap Room floor communing with our scenester brethren during a Suzannah Johannes set during last night's Up to Eleven Music Festival, but we'll just read about those shenanigans over at I Heart Local Music and spend our day telling you about the badass Lucinda Williams show at Liberty Hall.

If your father is one of America's greatest poets (Miller Williams), perhaps it's no surprise that you can rattle off so many wonderfully precise images with such seeming ease. But we always marvel at Lucinda's ability to say a lot with a little, as we did last night at Liberty Hall while standing dead-center about 30 feet from the stage:

"I'm broken down like a train-wreck" ("Can't Let Go").

"My brother knows where the best bars are." ("Crescent City").

"You took my joy. I want it back." ("Joy").

There's nothing flashy, rarely an extra word, rarely the kind of extensive metaphors or wordplay so many in the folkie tradition might toss at you.

Lucinda had a cold, but promised we'd get our money's worth even if she had to start songs over (This only happened once, with "Crescent City"). It's doubtful anyone would quibble too much with either her voice or her top-flight backing band (including new-ish hotshot jawdropping lead guitarist Blake Mills). The performance began with a series of Car Wheels and self-titled era favorites, worked its way through newer material, and finally drifted into an escalating fury of rock and roll with the angry-yet-funny "Changed My Locks" ("I changed the name of this town/so you can't follow me down") and the angry-yet-hopeful "Joy" ("Maybe in Slidell, I'll find my joy."). A top-flight encore slowed the pace briefly with "Blessed," the title track of the newest album, before culminating in the searing blues of the Allman Brother's "It's Not My Cross To Bear" and Neil Young's "Rockin' in the Free World," which could have been corny if it wasn't played with such absolute conviction. Played with said conviction, however, it became a cathartic sing-a-long with Larryville's older hippies and progressives, most of whom had no idea the Up To Eleven festival was going on in six venues along the same street.

Verdict: four out of four Free State Winter Ales (which cost $4.25 a piece? holy shit, Liberty Hall!).


Sure, KU football is about to get slaughtered at home by Baylor this afternoon, but the real KU sports action is in New York this weekend, where KU Quidditch is already wreaking havoc in the World Cup, beating Vermont 170-0 and Utah 80-60.

Even the UDK recaps of the Quidditch matches are more exciting than anything KU football has accomplished this season (and possibly ever):

"The snitch-runner was more crafty than any Kansas had seen before. Kansas' seeker, Joel Haverkamp, had his broom snatched by the snitch. The broom was handed off to a crowd member who took off running so Haverkamp followed in hot pursuit."

Make sure to follow @UDK_Quidditch for live updates throughout the weekend.

Friday, November 11, 2011

Weekend Scenester Guide: Music, More Music, Movies, and Girls Gone Wild

We assume most of you will be heading out for some of the 11/11/11 music festival tonight. Try not to fight each other, scenesters. There seems to be too much of that going around these days.

Others of us (older, more boring, poetic types) are opting for Lucinda Williams at Liberty Hall instead.

And Chip, who spotted the Girls Gone Wild van outside Brothers yesterday, plans to follow it around town all weekend like a kid chasing an ice cream truck.

Captain Chanute scored a nice picture of the van for us, but we're having technological trouble today, so we'll just show you this interweb photo instead, and you can imagine Chip trying to run with a boner.

If you're in the mood for shitty films, it looks to be a banner weekend at the box office. Adam Sandler plays dual roles (he's his own sister!) in Jack and Jill. A.O. Scott writes in the NY-Times review:

"As for Mr. Sandler, I have always been interested in what he would do next, and I suppose I still am, especially if what he does next is retire."

And then there's Tarsem's 3D The Immortals. The NY-Times writes:

"This is an ugly, burlap sack of a film...".

See you on the town.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

11/11/11 Approaches: The Sluts and Ponyboy / Firkin Tapping of the Week at the Pig

The buzz of the week in Larryville music circles is (probably) Up To Eleven's six-venue music extravaganza tomorrow night.

Have you marked out your trajectory yet? Here's a handy set-time list that you can click to enlarge.

We're curious about The Sluts, who have been profiled over here at I Heart Local Music and deemed "screamy" and "noisy" and possibly "the best new rock band in the area." And also Ponyboy, who have an I Heart Local Music profile as well. Ponyboy recently did the score for a transexual porn film called "Sexing the Trans Man."

Chip: "I accidentally rented it because I mistakenly read the title as "Sexing the Trans Am" and thought it would feature a bunch of women getting banged on Trans-Ams, kind of like a porno version of Smoky and the Bandit. I was more than a little shocked."

Ponyboy has a family-friendly set time of 7:30 so you should probably bring the kids and sing along to the amusingly titled "Bro is the New Word for Faggot." And click here if you want to see the video . (Admit it, Chip: you're going to click that link).

And make sure to attend the official 11/11/11 kick-off TONIGHT with a firkin tapping at the Pig. Tallgrass Buffalo Sweat Stout has been mixed with coffee beans to produce something called Cafe Buffalo. It sounds both sophisticated and disgusting!

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

What We Learned at Nerd Nite / Spot Those tUnE-yArDs Scenesters

Neither a cold, wet evening nor a KU basketball game could keep Larryville's nerds from assembling at Pachamamas for the Larryville debut of "Nerd Nite." Overall, the crowd skewed a little older and more academic than we expected. Imagine a group of eccentric pop culture conference participants deciding to get hammered BEFORE presenting their lectures, and you'll have some idea of the feel.

Here's what we learned before the presentations began:

--Official "Nerd Nites" are now happening in 26 cities spanning seven countries.

--Nerd Nites begin with a "co-boss" delivering the "Story of Origin," a tale which begins with the first use of the word as a slang term (Detroit, 1951) and leads through Dr. Seuss's "knurds" before finally tracing the history of "nerd nites."

And here's what we learned in the three lectures (as reconstructed in this moment based on our drunken notes from last night):

--many people can't see Vancouver as it really exists because they've watched too much Battlestar Galactica.

--there are A LOT more bicycle accidents than you might expect in Madison, Wisconsin

--"Everyone has a right to practical obscurity."

--Famous "poetic terrorists" include Jesus, Bugs Bunny, Andy Kaufman, and Betty White

--Larryville's Busker Fest might be seen as a good example of a "temporary autonomous zone"

--No one in a crowd of Larryville nerds identifies him or herself as a "serious anarchist."

Verdict: nerdy as fuck. We'll be there again on Wednesday Dec. 14 and you should probably join us.

--- has given us TWO sets of Party Pics in one week. Here's one from the new tUnE-yArDs gallery .

Who can name those scenesters?

Chip: "I didn't realize it was hip to make that cunnilingus gesture, but I'm glad to learn that it is!"

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Larryville Gets a "Nerd Nite" / Spot Those Scenester Mummies / Missed Connection of the Week: Baiowolf Edition

Readers, do you know about the nationwide gatherings known as "nerd nites," in which nerds "get together for nerdery of all sorts (well, mostly presentations and drinking)." --quote from official website .

Larryville joins the festivities tonight with a gathering at Pachamamas featuring three presentations:

“Animals and Zombies! Africa and the Media” by Emily Fekete
“How I Learned to Start Worrying and Make a Map . . . of Bike Accidents” by Germaine Halegoua
“Walden Pond, Speakeasies, and Revenge of the Nerds: Temporary Autonomous Zones and Poetic Terrorism in American Life.“ by Michael Black

It's free, and doors open at 7:30 (but supposedly only 50 nerds will be allowed into the event). What time will the presentations begin? None of the info bothers to say, but we'll guess 8:00. Will you be one of the lucky 50 nerds?

Chip: "There's a basketball game tonight, for fuck's sake."

Richard: "I may well attend, and I'm hoping our Bananasuited buddy will click on the official website link above and volunteer for a future presentation about the PBR Book Club."

Here's a tiny little flyer because we can't find a bigger one:


For the first time since the St. Vincent show, has published a new set of Party Pics taken at the recent Fashion Monsters Fashion Show at the Replay and featuring both models and random Replay revelers.

Below is our favorite. Unwrapped mummies are so hip right now! Name those mummies and win a PBR.


This local W4M Missed Connection will provide amusement for certain local scenesters:

"you: yellow backpack, great eyewear, curly hair and from what I can tell, usually a button up short sleeve shirt. I heard you were maybe in Baiowolf? This is less of a missed connection and more of a general statement. I see you around once in a while and I think you're really attractive. I don't think that I want to get to know you because I would probably only grow to hate you because that's usually how things work out for me. Just know that you have a secret admirer. I'll see you around!!"

And speaking of Baiowolf, Rob (Robocopter) sent us some links to a powerful new series of "anticipation" videos. Check out "Cigarette Anticipation" (and the others) over here .

Monday, November 7, 2011

Is "Lawrence Laundry" the New Style Scout? / Literary Pick of the Winter: Murakami's IQ84 / Scenester Pick of the Day: tUnE-yArDs

Readers, we know how much you all loved snarking about Style Scout each week, so we're hoping the new column called "Lawrence Laundry" (which debuts today in LJ-World's "Go" Magazine!) will fill that void. It's written by Ali Edwards and here's the mission statement:

"In this column, we’ll be keeping it local: local people, local clothes, local style. I’ll be diving headlong into what people in Lawrence wear and why they wear it by featuring local humanitarians who “look good” while they “do good,” combing through local thrift stores to find hidden treasures and chasing down Lawrence fashionistas on the street to find out where they got their clothes (and where you can find similar looks in town).

Lawrence locals are public-spirited and well-dressed with personal beliefs that are tightly kept and loudly spoken. Our little liberal-minded blip in a beautifully barren state teems and boils with a zest unlike that of our conservative counterparts. The style of locals has a certain honesty and charm to it that seems forged on the coasts."

In our experience, humanitarians are rarely stylish, but this column may be worth monitoring and we hope to see some of you thrift store "fashionistas" in there soon. Check it out here .


Those of you keeping up with the hijinks of the PBR Book Club blog (currently reading: Ready Player One) are no doubt getting excited that we'll be devoting both December and January to Harumi Murakami's new 925 page IQ84. The reviews are in over at the NY-Times:

" me when I say I appreciate a steamy scene between a female cop and a female assassin as much as the next guy (arguably more)."

Chip: "Doubtful."

Ultimately, the reviewer is baffled yet affected by the novel:

"By every standard metric, it is gravely flawed. But, I admit, standard metrics are difficult to apply to Murakami. It’s tempting to write that out of five stars, I’d give this book two moons. In fact, though, I’d give it back what it gave me: an entire universe, all of it far out, some of it dazzling, whole swaths of it just empty space and dark matter... It’s a credit to Murakami’s mammoth talent that “1Q84,” for all its flaws, got to me more than most decent books I’ve read this year, and lingered with me far longer: a paper moon, yes, but by a real star."

Readers, this book is so large that we recommend you push it to our book club meetings in a wheelbarrow full of iced-down PBR.


Tonight brings the long-awaited, rescheduled tUnE-yArDs show to the Jackpot. If you haven't seen tUnE-yArDs before, rest assured there's plenty of weirdness besides just the strange capitalizations of the band name. Will we be out till 2:00 am on a rainy Monday in Larryville? Definitely not. But if someone wants to write a review for our blog, we'd love it!

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Occupying the Rooftop of Weavers in a Guy Fawkes Mask Will Get You Arrested / Local Video of the Day: Sexy Librarian / Missed Connection of the Week

Just when we were starting to forget Occupy Lawrence, they reminded us of their importance when a renegade member in a Guy Fawkes mask scaled Weaver's department store and chanted "slogans" for half an hour before officers climbed up in a ladder and hauled him away to shouts of "You're my hero" and "This is what democracy looks like."

Chip: "If that's really what democracy looks like, it looks pretty fucking silly, doesn't it?"

PLEASE watch the LJ-World video

And here's an LJ-World photo of the "hero." Does anyone have a masked photo you can send us?


Speaking of local videos, how about we offer you something a little sexier than silly civil disobedience. Check out this "Sexy Librarian" video filmed at Lawrence Public Library and starring The Not So Late Show's Mike Anderson and some sexy librarians.

Chip: "Can someone please send me a copy of this video in which Mike has been digitally removed?"


And enjoy this local Craigslist Missed Connection from Halloween weekend:

"As I mentioned Halloween night... I'm not really from Finland. Although I would learn Finnish just to get innish. JK. When you said you'd be back someday, I couldn't tell if you meant in a couple of years or later this weekend."

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Scenester Reminder: Set Your Clocks Back One Hour Tonight

Readers, it's one of our favorite nights in Larryville, a magical evening when our favorite bars can serve us an extra hour of PBR. Where will you be?

Friday, November 4, 2011

Weekend Scenester Picks: 3D Vulgarity, Bazan, Hamburger, and Guy Fawkes!

Readers, we've always been consistent in our views of 3D, maintaining that it should be used solely for exploitation and hurling ridiculous shit at the audience and never for "artistic" cinematic purposes. So we're more than okay with the prospect of A Very Harold and Kumar 3D Christmas, which opens this weekend (despite the fact that it's still two fucking months before Christmas). The AV Club writes:

"Why not take advantage of 3-D by having Danny Trejo ejaculate on a Christmas tree in all three dimensions?"

Why not indeed! We'll see you at the multiplex.

But what shows should you hit this weekend? The Generals are at the Replay tonight. It's damn near impossible to find them on the interweb (we gave up after multiple attempts), but if you're hip you probably already know all you need to know. And Panda Circus is at the Jackpot. Didn't they win the Farmer's Ball?

Saturday brings David Bazan to the Bottleneck (Chip: "That's the dude who was in the Christian band, right? Weren't they called White Lion?"). And don't forget Neil Hamburger at the Jackpot on Saturday (Chip: "Isn't he one of those comedians who's funny because he isn't funny? I don't get it.").

As for us, we'll be at the annual Eastside Guy Fawkes party on Saturday. Who will be the effigy this year? Brownback? Coach Gill? Doug Compt.n?

And isn't it cool that Guy Fawkes masks are the official masks of the Occupy movements? Anarchy is so hip right now!

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Jersey Shore Conferences, Dirty Novels, Three-Peat KC Art Events, Future Islands, and KU Quidditch

Important Academic Conference of the Year:

The recent UChicago Conference for Jersey Shore studies explored such issues as Deena's role as "a trickster figure, upending the show’s heteronormativity and its power dynamics" and offered presentations with slides like "Bodily Discipline: Foucault + Snooki = BFF."

If we had written our dissertations on topics such as these, we'd probably have better jobs right now.

Dirty Literary Book of the Month:

Despite receiving a lot of praise for its clever wordplay, much of Nicholson Baker's House of Holes: A Book of Raunch sounded (to us) like Chip could have written it. Perhaps a more shocking and satirical work like Helen Dewitt's Lightning Rods will better serve you horny literary types. Here's a synopsis:

"When I heard the premise of DeWitt’s new struck me as both brilliantly satirical and nearly impossible to pull off...With Clinton in office and sexual harassment institutionalized in the White House, Joe is convinced that men cannot reach their true work potential without releasing their sexual urges, which have no place in the workplace. So Joe creates Lightning Rods, Inc., a business that installs “toilet cubicles” in office spaces. The other side of the cubicles contain “lightning rods,” prostitutes hired so men can satisfy their urges while at work, bringing true glory to the idea of the glory hole, and leading to healthy office environments for all." (Time Out New York).

Naturally, this is Chip's pick for future PBR Book Club reading material.

Scenester Pick of the Day:

Future Islands hits the Jackpot tonight for a (supposedly) early show. Pitchfork gives their new album, On the Water, a 7.7 and writes of the lead singer: "He sings every line like Meat Loaf serenading Yorick's skull." Sold.

KC Art Event of the Year:

Our friend Danny Gibson's Quietly Contributing poster exhibition of KC and Larryville bands is proving the perfect event for procrastinating scenesters: it's being held over for the third straight month! The third First Friday opening is tomorrow night at 1819 Central Gallery. And if you still aren't convinced, please note that the Pitch awarded the show its prestigious "Best Scene-Uniting Retrospective" award, deeming it "a giant, overwhelming, colorful shrine to our music community, and a reminder of the staggering talent of one of our city's finest artists." So quit dicking around and go see it, why don't you?

Here's a peek inside the gallery at the floor to ceiling array of posters on display:


With KU Quidditch a major contender in the World Cup (Nov. 12-13 in New York), we'll be providing extensive coverage of the team, which means primarily looking at hilarious pictures of dudes running around with brooms between their legs, like this:

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Talkbackers Talk Back About the Newest Set of Library Plans / Scenester Pick of the Day: ANR at Jackpot

Readers, remember when all of us progressives voted for the library expansion last year? Those plans are inching closer to reality as the City Fathers last night approved specific design plans: "a see-through parking garage and a terra cotta-inspired library" (LJ-World).

Let's see if the LJ-World talkbackers are satisfied.

Jayhawker07 says: "I believe that the Library should move to the riverfront mall and stay there."

Pastor_Bedtime says: "Most butt-ugly design ever. Simply horrible looking."

LadyJ asks: "Just wondering if the perforated steel mesh will allow snow to build up inside that will have to be removed."

And Yeoman 2 changes the subject: "Watch your water bills! The city is scheming to get a trash company that will give kickback to the city to finance their damned foolishness. You will pay and pay for this one."

We'd like to show you pictures of the design plans now but LJ-World doesn't include them in the piece.


Many of you probably haven't been to the Replay or the Jackpot since Halloween, two long days ago, so we better check in and see what's happening tonight. The Replay has a band called Beta Maxx, which we are happy to endorse based on name alone, and the Jackpot offers up a Miami band called ANR. We found this interweb description of their song "It's Around You":

"It’s an indebted tune combining the barbershop vocals of TV On The Radio with the apocalyptic lyrical tenderness of something found on The Beach Boys’ Pet Sounds. Throw in some horn stabs and creeping synth reminiscent of Animal Collective and you’ve got this song cornered."

We're suckers for "apocalyptic lyrical tenderness" (why do you think we want to see the film Bellflower so fucking badly), so we'll see you at the Jackpot tonight.

Head to their official site for some free tunes and videos and such.

And check out this album cover with a colorful pony on it!

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Dio de los Muertos Celebration at Percolator / Unhip Album of the Century: Lou Reed and Metallica's Lulu

Readers, Halloween may be over, but if you're looking for an unusual event tonight look no further than the Percolator. Here are the details we received:

A Day of the Dead celebration at the Lawrence Percolator
Tuesday November 1, 2011
6:30 pm Potluck dinner
7:30 pm Procession & invocation
Bring something to add to the altar.

The last time we joined a Percolator procession was during an "Apocalypse" art opening and party, and the procession led us to a building on the Eastside where we were forced to watch a terrible play. So we're a little leery of Percolator processions. Otherwise, this sounds more than a little intriguing.


If you've read any recent interviews with Lou Reed or Metallica, you've been told that their collaborative album Lulu is likely the greatest thing either has ever done and, in fact, quite possibly the greatest thing ever recorded by humans.

But if you've read the reviews of the album (out today), you're hearing a far different tale.

Pitchfork serves up a 1.0 (holy shit!): "For most of the record, Lou Reed and Metallica barely sound like they're on the same planet, let alone in the same room."

Even better is Entertainment Weekly's assessment (Grade: D): "...the bulk of Lulu sounds like your dad's drunk friend reciting his self-penned erotica over a melting ReLoad cassette."

And then there's Chuck Klosterman's more accepting evaluation: "A confident, unvarnished attempt at taking arcane high art (Lulu is based on theatrical German expressionism from the early 20th century) and repackaging it for denim-clad teenagers huffing gas in Arizona parking lots."

Readers, could a 90 minute concept album about strippers and Jack the Ripper, with lyrics like “the taste of your vulva and everything on it," really be ALL bad? Or is it only a matter of time until scenesters decide to embrace Lulu because the media surely has it all wrong? Let's huff some gas and form an opinion.