Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Old Canes Need Your Help / The Bad Sex in Fiction Prize is Awarded / And a Proud Moment for the LC!

If you're a local scenester, Chris Crisci has brought you a lot of joy in the form of Appleseed Cast and Old Canes. Now he and the Canes needs a little financial assistance to record "a three disc 7" vinyl series called Shapeshifter." We know you are hard-pressed to part with more than whatever an evening's worth of PBR costs, but there are incentives here, as Crisci has arranged a reward system based on the amount of your donations. For you cheap scenesters, a pledge of $3 gets you MP3's of the entire series. A mere $15 gets you the series on vinyl. Higher dollar donations will be rewarded by signed copies, guest passes to shows, your name in the liner notes, etc. And for $1000, Crisci will hang out with you and cook fish tacos.

Scenesters, let's stockpile our PBR money and have ourselves a fish taco party!

Check out the complete info and reward system here:



Sadly, our literary hero Franzen did not win the Bad Sex in Fiction prize yesterday. Instead, the award went to Irish writer Rowan Somerville, whose The Shape of Her was singled out in part for this line:

"Like a lepidopterist mounting a tough-skinned insect with a too blunt pin he screwed himself into her."

Chip: "I feel it's unfair to call this 'bad.' Taken in the context of the novel, it might be perfectly boner-worthy."


We recently voted Boobs Only Lesbians as our favorite blog of the week, and in recent days we've been noticing a little traffic from their site (yes, we are as vain as the next scenester, and occasionally check our stats to see if any of you are paying attention to us, and we are delighted to think that a number of beautiful "boobs only lesbians" are now reading our work!). A quick visit to their blog reveals that a direct link to the LC has been included in their recent publicity recap:

"Nerve.com: This Week In Sex, which seems to imply we are dumb but maybe doesn’t get that we’re not calling ourselves LESBIANS, we’re calling ourselves BOOBS-ONLY LESBIANS. Who’s dumb now?!

TheFrisky.com, which suggests lesbians might not be enamoured with our principles – but so far we’ve had nothing but encouragement!

AfterEllen.com, which claims we don’t exist. Which we clearly do.

The Larryville Chronicles name us blog of the week.

No such thing as bad publicity, eh?"

Yes, indeed, we have found ourselves sandwiched between a picture of a topless woman doing laundry and a topless woman wearing a Pink Panther mask! Check it out:


Thanks for paying attention to us, you lovely boobs-only lesbians, and we are honored to be included next to those other boner-worthy sites (and also AfterEllen).

Monday, November 29, 2010

The Chronicle of Higher Ed Takes a Culinary Tour of Larryville / The Boys Examine This Year's "Bad Sex in Fiction" Nominees / Hipster Pick of the Day

Writers from the Chronicle of Higher Ed were in town recently to take in a performance of KU's much-ballyhooed "original pronunciation" version of A Midsummer Night's Dream, the first full-length OP Shakespearean production in America. As best as we can tell, they haven't published a piece on it yet, but they did publish a piece on their dining experiences at Burger Stand, Esquina, 715, and Wheatfields. The Burger Stand, with its variety of fries, even inspired the article's title: "Our duck-fat tour of Lawrence, KS."

At Esquina, the Chroniclers dined on "a fish taco with ancho-lime coconut cream, plantain, and rice; a tofu and mushroom taco with chorizo-style marinade and chipotle sour cream; and the “Calabaza”—pumpkin and butternut squash puree, grilled zucchini, and goat-cheese cream."

Chip: "I've said it before and I'll say it again: I miss the days when tacos contained meat and cheese."

Our favorite part of the article, however, is when Love Garden's Kelly Corcoran gets a shout-out:

"Kelly Corcoran, the owner of Lawrence’s excellent Love Garden record store, told us that students rarely eat downtown. Which is, I have to say, their loss."

Is this true? We suppose that perhaps downtown is more of a drinking than a dining destination for students.

Read the full piece here:



One of our favorite competitions each year is the award for Bad Sex in Fiction, although we've never agreed with the contest's stated goals: "to draw attention to the crude, tasteless, often perfunctory use of redundant passages of sexual description in the modern novel, and to discourage it." "Bad" or not, the nominees almost always give us a boner, and we are thankful to them for their prose. The nominees for this year's award were recently announced, and guess who's among them? Yes, it's our old pal Jonathan Franzen, singled out especially for an over-the-top phonesex conversation in Freedom (we'd happily quote it for you, but our copy is on loan to some of our East-side friends).

Luckily, a Huffington Post article on this year's competition provides excerpts from another of the nominees, Adam Ross's critically-acclaimed Mr. Peanut, which we read over the summer and quite enjoyed. Take a look:

"Love me!" she moaned lustily. "Oh, Ward! Love me now!"

He jumped out from his pajama pants so acrobatically it was like a stunt from Cirque du Soleil. But when he went to remove her slip, she said, "Leave it!" which turned him on even more. He buried his face into Hannah's [vagina] like a wanderer who'd found water in the desert [. . . .]"

Chip: "I suppose Ross should have stuck with the circus metaphor for that final sentence. Perhaps 'He buried his face into Hannah's [vagina] like a lost clown who'd found water in the desert."


Scenesters love it when international bands grace our local stages, and the Jackpot offers a good chance tonight to catch Aussie rockers Tame Impala, whose album Innerspeaker earns a very impressive 8.5 from Pitchfork:

"...a cleanly executed and frequently dazzling debut: Innerspeaker is a psychedelia-heavy outing that toys with paisley pop, stoner vibes, and an expansive array of swirling guitars."

Richard: "I love paisley pop, yet I dislike stoner vibes. I'm on the fence on this one."

Chip: "The problem with stoner vibes is that they tend to attract stoners. Count me out."

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Catching Up With Recent News: Football Controversies, Scenester Art, and a Local Children's Book

We feel like the most important story in town this past week was a bit under-reported: Coach Gill's decision not to ask former Coach Don Fambrough to deliver his longstanding annual anti-Missouri tirade prior to the Border War.

Gill cited Fambrough's health concerns, which Fambrough denied, leaving most of us convinced that the decision largely stemmed from Gill's strict "no profanity" policy. But surely our team, after a discouraging season in almost every respect, deserved to bask in the passionate, profanity-laced hatred of a beloved tradition? Right?

Chip: "Fuck yes!"


Hopefully you found time to enjoy Final Fridays over the break. We stopped by Wonder Fair's new group exhibition called "Sharing," where we spent most of our time contemplating a piece by Kenneth Kupfer which depicted a very large can of Hamms.

Richard: "Sometimes I feel disconnected from local art, but that piece spoke to me on some deep level, a level that enjoys cheap hipster beers."

The exhibit runs through January 24, so make sure to visit (click to enlarge the photo below, from Wonder Fair's website, for a sampling).

We also stopped by Teller's, whose upstairs room had been transformed into a nice little gallery that was, at the time of our visit, patronized solely by Richard and an old lady who was lost and looking for the restrooms.


So many of our local scenesters are incredibly prolific. Artist and DJ Justin Marable can now add children's book author to his resume. His new book, Noco, traces the adventures of Noco the prairie dog who makes his way home across Kansas while visiting Kansas landmarks. The book release and a new art opening from Marable take place this Friday evening at Signs of Life.

Richard: "So many of my hipster friends have children these days and I'm planning a hipster children's book, which will involve Hipsy the hipster hedgehog running through various venues like the Replay while pursued by the villainous Bob Kra.se, who wants to turn him into a gourmet hedgehog hot dog."

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Holiday Box Office Report / The Boys Take a Few Days Off

Readers, if you're like us, you love to go to the movies during the holidays, and this week brings a fine batch of films such as...that movie where The Rock kicks ass...and that movie where Anne Hathaway gets very, very naked in several more-explicit-than-usual sex scenes:

Here's an excerpt from a NY-Times piece on the Hathaway film, which is called Love and Other Drugs:

"Mr. Zwick speaks of the sex scenes in his new film as a kind of dramatic icebreaker: the ingredient necessary to “break down the wall” with which contemporary audiences guards their emotions. “A sex scene is gratuitous when it only exists for its own sake,” he said, adding, “We thought if we were to look at these scenes as we would look at any other scene, to advance the plot, or drive conflict, or overcome an obstacle, then we could apply all that we already knew about scene work and craft to the scene.”

Chip: "He's forgetting the most important question involved in any sex scene: Will this scene give us a boner?"

See you after the holiday break.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

KU is Poised to Break a Basketball Record / FourLoko Gets Banned

Aside from today's brief campus fire at Anschutz Sports Pavilion (which our Twitter-friend Evil Turner Gill claims was ignited in a volleyball player's panties after she witnessed him without his shirt), the talk of the town at the moment is tonight's potential record-breaking game at Allen Fieldhouse. With a victory over Texas A&M Corpus Christi, the Hawks can surpass their all-time home win streak of 62 games

Perhaps a more interesting game tonight, however, is the match-up between K-State and Duke at the Sprint Center in KC.

Chip: "I've said this many times, but I think I mean it more than ever: I hope they BOTH lose."


First the state took away our synthetic weed (K2). Now, as of yesterday, they've banned our favorite alcohol/energy drink (Four Loko, and also Four Maxed, Joose, and Max). Luckily, the boys have stockpiled enough of this shit to keep us Loko for months to come.

Chip: "FourLoko is going to be the secret ingredient in my turkey gravy this year."

Monday, November 22, 2010

Pitchfork Gives Kanye's New Album a Rare and Perfect 10.0

For the first time since 2002 (Wilco's Yankee Hotel Foxtrot), Pitchfork has bestowed a perfect 10.0 on an album, and that album belongs to Kanye West's My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy, which is officially available as of today, following what New York Magazine terms "perhaps the greatest promotional cycle in the history of pop music." Obviously, we must all buy it immediately.

According to Pitchfork, the album is a "hedonistic exploration into a rich and famous American id" in which Kanye "cherry-picks little things from his previous work and blows them up into something less than sane."

Chip: "Hipsters always believe that insanity equals genius. It doesn't. Also, I'll never forgive him for what he did to Taylor Swift."

We'll be hosting a listening party for the album tonight, and we hope to see you there for a sing-a-long of the album's greatest mantra:

"no more drugs for me, pussy and religion is all I need"

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Sunday Hipster Picks / More Harry Potter Coverage

If you're a true scenester, you already shelled out a few months ago to watch Ariel Pink's Haunted Graffiti at the Jackpot. So why should you do it again?

Because they're opening for "tropicalia legends" Os Mutantes tonight, of course, and this will provide a good chance to pretend you know something about music outside of the States.

This Philadelphia Inquirer review of a show from a few nights ago should give you a good sense of what you're in for:

"Pink's homemade productions race back to the '80s, '70s and '60s, but Os Mutantes, in the '60s themselves, redefined psychedelic futurism. Sérgio Dias and company do not disappoint on the Salvador Dali front, all dressed in caftans (save Bia Mendes in a short black jacket) with a flutist in tow, dabbing Tropicália rhythms with flourishes of English folk and opera betwixt drum breaks worthy of James Brown."

Richard: "I love psychedelic futurism, but if I were going out tonight I'd opt for The Moaners early show at the Jackpot. That Melissa Swingle, formerly of Trailer Bride, can play the saw like nobody's business. Who was at the legendary show in KC where the room was stifling and she played most of the set in her bra?"

Here's a picture of some of the Mutantes, looking like they just came from a Harry Potter screening:


And speaking of Potter, the new film is projected to rack up $125 million bucks at the box office this weekend (Chip: "This weekend will be remembered as the one where the world came together and collectively mourned the death of a house elf."). We're amused by this line from Harry Knowles' review on AICN:

"That said, that row of chatty cunts that made sexy whistles and comments everytime Potter had his shirt off. Seriously - you middle-aged Potter Porn readers - keep your mouth shut at the midnight premiere of the films."

Chip: "I can't judge, because that was my piercing wolf-whistle you may have heard at Southwind last night during the topless Hermione make-out scene."

Indeed, the film left us wanting to write some erotic Harry Potter fan fiction. Here's a line from an article called "Taking Liberties With Harry Potter," which examines the genre of Potter "fanfic":

"No one wants to put words in J. K. Rowling’s mouth, but it’s safe to assume that when she hails her readers’ creativity, she has in mind something other than tales wherein Professor Snape is fellated by the Sorting Hat."

Chip: "I can't believe someone beat me to that fellating-hat idea!"

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Spot That Scenester! / The Boys Look at this Week's Controversial Style Scout Subject

When Rusc.n offers up a new set of Party Pics, it's time to play "Spot That Scenester." The new photos (posted in a timely fashion...how nice!) are of this week's Delta Saints show at the Bottleneck. We've spotted several familiar faces in the crowd, such as "That dude from Cowboy Indian Bear" and our friend Nezbeat, local hip-hop wizard. But who is this bearded fellow in the nice sweater? Identify him and win yourself a hipster beer of your choosing!


Has any Style Scout subject ever inspired as much as LJ-World talkback as this week's Natasha Kastl, owner of the Bauhaus boutique. The comments break down as follows: (a) those who think there's no way in hell this woman is 27, as she claims, and (b) those who are enraged that she spends so much money on clothing ($298 dollars for that blouse!) when people are starving on the streets of Larryville.

During her Style Scout interview, Natasha "challenge[s] all of Lawrence’s men to wear more fitted jeans."

Chip: "Not going to happen. Skinny jeans are for hipsters and they stifle my boners."

Is she stylish? Is she really 27?

Friday, November 19, 2010

The LC's Guide to Friday Night

Local scenesters face a tough choice tonight, as there are two Pitchfork-approved bands playing simultaneously: Wolf Parade at the Granada and Shearwater at the Jackpot.

How does one decide?

The most obvious way would be to look at the Pitchfork rankings of the bands' most recent albums. Wolf Parade's Expo 86 gets a respectacle but not spectacular 7.5 ("more dependable than revelatory"). Shearwater's The Golden Archipilago gets a slightly higher 7.9 ("the record is introduced by a field recording of what sounds like an island choir."). We give Shearwater the hipster edge here because their work is more pretentious.

But there are other factors to take into account as well. The opening act for Wolf Parade is called Ogre, You Asshole, and they are from Japan, which is kind of hip. But then again Shearwater's opener is the dependable Damien Jurado, whose new album also gets a 7.9 from Pitchfork ("meditations on 1950s girl-group balladry, thorny Neil Young-esque guitar rock, and cavernous chamber-pop.").

Then you must factor in that the Jackpot is infinitely hipper than the Granada, as well as a few bucks cheaper.

So where will the boys spend their Friday evening?

Richard: "I'll be at the Replay to see the Danish metal band with the unpronounceable name."

Chip: "I'll be at the Jazzhaus for Yucca Roots, mon!"

Thursday, November 18, 2010

The Boys Consider the New Harry Potter Film and Read This Year's "Sex on the Hill"

For millions of geeks, there's only one thing on your mind right now: tomorrow's release of the new Harry Potter film. The boys are currently ironing their wizard robes and preparing to take their place in line for tonight's midnight showing (Chip: "My 'wand' is fully erect in anticipation, if you catch my meaning.").

According to a glowing review on AICN, the film is spectacularly dark, with images that are likely to be etched into young viewers' minds for a lifetime:

"I’d be willing to bet that this generation’s small children will point at this film as one of those that made a huge impression on them. For me it was watching Artax sink into the Swamps of Sadness, that fucking horrible bog witch from Legend and Toht’s face melting in Raiders of the Lost Ark."

But what are the true fanboys most excited about?

In the AICN talkback, Gabba-UK says: "...don't feel bad about cracking one off over Emma Watson. She's 20 now for gawds sake and if you've seen the photos from the premiere you'll know she merits a sprained wrist."

See you in line, readers.


The boys have a long and complex relationship with the University Daily Kansan's "Sex on the Hill" issue. During his years as a young Master's candidate, a fresh-faced Chip often waited near the paper stands with a massive boner for the issue to appear. And during the heyday of "Sex on the Hill," one of the boys' all-time favorite Quinton's waitresses, a budding journalist, wrote a piece for the issue about faking orgasms, for once giving our friend Dr. C. a more-or-less acceptable reason to quiz her about sexual topics. In recent years, however, the issue has become a little dull (although we did enjoy the recent controversy that erupted over a sexy picture of a couple making out in the sacred Campanile, which we'll reprint below in case you've forgotten or didn't see it the first time around).

The new installment of "Sex on the Hill" is out today, and while it largely falls on the dull, and obvious, side ("Europeans are more comfortable with their sexuality" ), we did enjoy the article with advice on which songs are best to fuck to, such as Janelle Monae's "Faster, Faster" ("It’s all about pace with this one. If at any time one of you are waning, the recurring “faster and faster” should fix it." ) and Katy Perry's "Peacock" ("Katy Perry is not talking about the bird. The innuendos are not subtle at all and Katy Perry doesn’t waste any time trying to get what she wants: “Are you brave enough to let me see your peacock?” ).

Chip: "When I listen to Katy Perry while having sex, I tend to find myself fantasizing about Katy Perry, and specifically about her breasts."

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Important Hipster Article of the Week / Blog of the Week: "Boobs-Only Lesbians"

Each week the boys scour the New York Times Book Review in search of pompous fiction they can pretend to read in order to impress intellectual women (current favorites: Tom McCarthy's C and, of course, Adam Levin's The Instructions). During this week's search we came across an important piece called "The Hipster in the Mirror" by Mark Greif.

Grief feels that the "couch-surfing, old-clothes wearing hipsters...seem the most authentic but are actually the most socially precarious": "They are the bartenders and boutique clerks who wait on their well-to-do peers and tourists. Only on the basis of their cool clothes can they be 'superior': hipster knowledge compensates for economic immobility."

Richard: "Well, of course 'hipster knowledge compensates for economic immobility.' Chip and I have Ph.D's in the humanities and still can't get jobs. Why do you think we find the 'sparklemitten' and 'cow cloud' fantasies of the Transmittens so appealing?"


During today's perusal of Vice magazine, the following sentence immediately caught our eye: "Boobs-only Lesbians is an important blog about tits written by two partially gay girls." (their blog title refers to "women who appreciate the company of women, the beauty of women, but with an aversion to the vag.”).

Vice offers a stimulating interview with the blog's authors in which they provide such insights as "Tits are great and should be enjoyed."

Chip: "I've been saying that for years, and I'm not even a boobs-only lesbian."

The Vice piece also offers an important poll, complete with pictures: "What kind of knockers make you want to be a boobs-only lesbian?"

We voted for "deliciously suckable." (Chip: "Actually, I voted for "Big, with nipples like sun-dried tomatoes.").
Go here to take the poll yourself:


And visit the blog here:


Chip: "It may be a blog for lesbians, but I'm finding A LOT of things there that I can also enjoy.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Guest Columnist Tweetnastyy Considers the State of Stand-Up Comedy in Larryville / Local Mixtape of the Week / MTV Remakes Teen Wolf

Readers, we can't make it to every hip event in town and we didn't make it to @BARRR's "secret" stand-up comedy showcase at Wonder Fair on Saturday (rumor has it that Chip was denied entrance at the door because he was wearing a KU sweatshirt and the WF gang believed he might be a frat boy attempting to enter and vandalize the art). Luckily, our Twitter-buddy Tweetnastyy was in attendance and willing to share a few thoughts with us. Who's this Tweetnastyy, you ask? Well, we're not quite sure, as we haven't actually met her in person, but what we've gathered is that she works at a local coffee shop and tweets things that are so shockingly sexual they make Chip's boner jokes look like the innocent musings of a small child. Thanks for the review and, if we ever meet you, you've got a free PBR coming. So, without further delay, here's the state of hipster comedy in Larryville:

"Jason Barr has been doing his part to keep Lawrence weird and, judging by the performances Saturday night at the Wonder Fair Gallery's SHHHHH: SECRETS comedy show, it's going very well.

The 1st openers (I can't be bothered to remember names when free booze is involved but one of them was Tyler Waugh of Suede By Perfection) were mustashioed brothers bantering about boning vs. boyfriending and just generally giving each other shit. The girl behind me even remarked "You can tell they used to do this at Christmas dinner.". The second act consisted of a fraction of Baiowolf, with Rob Schulte doling out jokes on note cards as he saw fit and Sean Wilson reading and throwing said cards into the audience (mostly at one guy in the front, to be honest). My favorite part of this was the fact that the subject matter of each joke was written on the back of the note cards in large print. Some of my favorites were "JIMMIE WALKER", "HOT BITCHES", and "MEAT EATERS ARE FAGS". Excellent work, boys.

Finally, onto the main event. Barr came out with drunken guns blazing, chugging FourLOKO and yelling into the reverb-heavy mic. "I'm Jason Barr, but you probably already know that because I'M A FUCKING CELEBRITY!!!" I have to hand it to him, J-BARR (as he says he's called but I can't say I've heard it from anyone) lets it all hang out. Fact or fiction, he doesn't seem to give a good goddamn what people think of him. It makes for good entertainin'. He was ticking jokes off with a pen that started to turn his tongue blue after just a few strokes. Couldn't have been the FourLOKO, because that was clearly green flavored. I think he even coined a new phrase which I've already used twice since the show. "Rape cottage" is sure to sweep the nation. J-Barr (hey, let's just go with him on this, okay?) has great timing, energy, and the perfect absence of shame to make great comedy. I look forward to more showslike this. Not too many, though. He's not getting any younger and just watching him yell and pace around gives me chest pains.

Much love to him and the Wonder Fair Family for all their hard work/drinking
to keep us weird."

Our feminist readers: "Rape jokes are NEVER funny, J-Barr."

Presumably the evening will soon be available in podcast form for the rest of us to laugh with (or at)? Keep us posted, @BARRR.


Tweetnastyy mentions Tyler Waugh in her review, and that guy is certainly one prolific scenester. When he's not riffing about boning in his comedy routine or making bleeps and blips in Suede By Perfection, you might spot him doing weird things with Team Bear Club or distributing his own mixtapes (a hobby of most local scenesters these days). Tyler passed along a link to his mixtape to us, requesting a review, and we are happy to oblige.

Dr. Chip: "From its opening sample of Belinda Carlisle's 'Heaven is a Place on Earth', Waugh's tape deposits us in a scenester heaven that manages to feel both strangely unfamiliar ("Girl with a Fanta in her hand...eating some afternoon flan") and utterly universal ("Feeling cool by the pool"). My hips swayed throughout this mellow mix, with the possible exception of Track 5, which seems to simply consist of Waugh talking about some delicious Mexican food he'd just eaten."

Download it at this address (or via direct link in our sidebar):


Here's the cover:


Next year, MTV will sully our beloved childhood memories of Teen Wolf with a series that updates that film for the Twilight crowd, with moody, leather-jacket-wearing werewolves who play lacrosse instead of basketball (seriously). Trailers appeared on-line yesterday if you dare to witness them.

Our prediction is that, good or bad (and it's almost certainly VERY bad), the show will be far more successful than the LC's attempt to raunchily reinvent werewolf fiction for tween-age boys. But will the series contain anything to rival the immortal first line of our Harry Lupus series? Doubtful. We reprint that line here to refresh your memory:

"As the full moon rose outside his bedroom window, Harry Lupus woke up with a very furry boner."

Monday, November 15, 2010

Local Food Trends, Kanye's New Album, and Good News for Public Masturbators!

Perhaps you thought the only local food trend was gourmet burgers, but according to a piece in InkKC there are at least 19 other KC and Larryville food trends going strong right now, ranging from edamame (Chip: "Never heard of it, and frankly it sounds made up!") to microgreens (which Krause uses atop his gourmet burgers, though we'd much prefer a comforting slab of iceberg).

By far the boys favorite trend, however, is "carnival foods," such as funnel cakes,"which are finally getting the respect they deserve in Kansas City."

Chip: "I've always said that a funnel cake should be considered a main dish, especially when paired with fries."

Richard: "This post seems to contain at least two Seinfeld references already."

Full article from InkKC is here:



It's almost impossible to ignore Kanye West these days, especially on Twitter, where he tweets thoughts such as this about 60 times per day:

"Like yo this Mark Rothko is the shit! You see it works. This is a break through people. I now know how to communicate art! YES!!!!"

But how is his new album, which officially drops next week? According to Rolling Stone's 5 star review, it's pretty much the greatest thing recorded by anyone, ever:

"In "Dark Fantasy," he rhymes "mercy, mercy me, that Murcielago" with "diablo," "bravado" and "My chick in that new Phoebe Philo/So much head, I woke up in Sleepy Hollow."

Chip: "Wait, I thought Sleepy Hollow was headLESS?"

Personally, we hate rap that makes us work, and we had to look up two references from that single excerpt.


According to a piece in today's UDK, two women recently reported witnessing a man masturbating to porn on the Watson Library computers. The Public Safety Office issued this statement: "Unfortunately, the reported incident did not meet the strict requirements of the statute on indecent exposure." (since the women did not actually witness the man's penis).

Chip: "I've always been a little nervous about rubbing out out in the library, but that's about to change!"

Sunday, November 14, 2010

The LC's Pop Culture Corner: Runaway Trains, Sarah Palin's Alaska, and Captain Chanute's Celebrity Sighting!

This weekend at the box-office we've moved on from the topics of recent weeks, such as 3D puking, invisible demons, sawn off 3D body parts, and masturbating dogs. It's all about runaway trains right now. Yes, the newest Denzel Washington/Tony Scott collaboration is drawing big crowds. What did the boys think?

Richard: "The movie tips from awesome to brilliant when it begins a series of repeated cuts to a group of Hooters' waitresses who are watching the runaway train saga unfold on television...and bouncing up and down with excitement. We hope this technique becomes standard for all future action films."

Chip: "I wish there could be an action film set in Lawrence, possibly The Day After, Part II, so that this technique could be employed using Quinton's waitresses."


Tonight is the premiere of the 8-part TLC documentary series Sarah Palin's Alaska. The boys are celebrating by hosting an ironic "tea party" in which they and their guests will be (cross) dressing as "Mama Grizzlies" and making snarky comments. Get in touch for directions to Chip's place.


We haven't had any exciting celebrity encounters in Larryville in quite some time (perhaps not since Chip urinated next to Coach Self at the Yacht Club). But our New York friend Captain Chanute found himself out hobnobbing with the beautiful people this weekend. Here's his report:

"Though it started off simply enough, last night was incredibly fucking hip for me. On a night where the only premise was for the Captain to sneak off to hip Williamsburg to drink whisky until he couldn't feel feelings, the Captain decided to set up shop in a new, hip spot called The Legion.

After a handful of shots and a couple 3$ Atomic Lagers (the Captain guesses this is old, poured-out Budweiser repackaged as a cold, refreshing draught with a weird aftertaste--very hip), the comfortably-numbed Captain noticed a star in his presence. Michael C. Hall had made an appearance at the bar and was currently standing within inches of our hero.

Momentarily stunned, the Captain gave him an ocular patdown. In real life, M.C.H. isn't a midget like Tom Cruise, is pretty broad-shouldered and he tends to wear about the same thing he wears on "Dexter." Yes, his celebrity aura was as intoxicating as the Evan Williams. Nonetheless, despite the Captain's better judgment, he asked to take no photos with his phone (though he tried in vain to snap one before dropping the goddamn thing and missing the opportunity) or autographs like the rest of the starry-eyed, starstruck wastoids.

Rather, the Captain enjoyed another libation (or four) and watched from afar as Mr. Hall picked out the hottest girl in the bar, bumped and ground (grinded?) to two songs then wisped her away into the night--probably to fuck her then tie her down and murder her in deliberate, methodical fashion before cutting her up, placing her (dis)members in trash bags and dumping them in the East River.

Yes folks, the Captain and Dexter himself were good company last night to many hip individuals. Though we ended up in different places by eve's end, the Captain thanks M.C.H. for being a hip sideshow for the night. The Captain also thanks White Castle for pumping him full of chemical sliders that undoubtedly dampened an immense whisky hangover. Finally, the Captain thanks himself for this wonderful opportunity to experiment in third-person self-reference: Now that's hip!"

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Local Literary Event of the Day / Also: Pretentious Hipster Musical Project of the Week

Are you aware of the existence of Johnny America, Larryville's "little magazine of fiction, humor, and other miscellany?"

Visit their website here:


And stop by the Pig tonight from 6:00-9:00 where they'll be celebrating the release of their eightth 'zine."

And enjoy this excerpt from a piece called "The Antietam Whore" by Shawn MADDEY, which Chip has pronounced the sexiest thing he's read in ages:

"Her sex was what I found most sexy about her. The way her sex glistened her eyes; the way she would sex all her sextences into a sextion at the end; how she would sex up in the middle of the night after sexing sexmares and need to be sexed and have a lullaby sexed to her before she could sex back to sexleep; even the way she would sex all the blanketsex in bed."


Do you love it when pretentious bands do pretentious things? We do, so we're closing a keep eye on Matt Friedberger (of The Fiery Furnaces), who is "releasing eight solo albums exploring the "Cretan-Lacedaemonian principle" (AV Club). Here are the details from the official press release:

"His 6+2 record set, Solos, in which he plays only a single given instrument per album (though not necessarily the same actual individual example of the single given instrument), is designed to illustrate the following Cretan-Lacedaemonian principle. Every group of instruments against every other group of instruments; every instrument against every other instrument; and especially, every instrument against itself, all alone."

You can download the first single, "Shirley," from the piano album here:


But we think you'd be better off downloading the much-less pretentious LC theme song from our sidebar.

Friday, November 12, 2010

The LC's Weekend Cultural Guide: The Bard vs. @BARRR / Also: Sexy DVD Pick of the Week

Perhaps you're tired of the same old hipster haunts and in need of a little culture this weekend. Consider KU's production of A Midsummer Night's Dream, which has the distinction of being the first full-length North American OP production of the Bard.

Chip: "Does OP signify that the play will be modernized and set in Overland Park, with the four young lovers driving SUV's?"

No, Chip. It stands for original pronunciation, and the cast has been working closely with a renowned Shakespearean scholar for months to get it right. Are locals excited? Let's check the LJ-World talkback.

Sad_Lawrencian says: "I watched the video [clips of this production]; these people sound like idiots."

And the boys saw it last night. Were they impressed?

Richard: "I like any play that allows me to get onstage for a dance party."

Chip: "Several of the lady faeries gave me a total boner. They were just so...flexible."

If you're not in the mood for high-culture (or you're looking for a different kind of "high" culture, meaning "Drugzzz," as BARRR would say), you should seek out a secret weekend house show where Larryville's favorite podcaster will be performing a stand-up set. We know where it is (and we're even invited), but we're sworn to secrecy, because only the hippest of hipsters are allowed (and those like us, who are unhip but contribute to local hipness).


Readers, do you love watching people fuck but occasionally long for something "artsier" than what's available in the back room of Miracle Video? Consider checking out Destricted, a compilation of short films by cinematic provocateurs like Matthew Barney, Larry Clark, and Gaspar Noe, which "attempt[s] to crossbreed the world of adult film with that of legit cinema." (Variety).

The film premiered at Cannes a few years back, to terrible reviews, and is just now hitting DVD shelves this week. Based on these excerpts from a piece in Variety, we find ourselves more than a little intrigued:

"Matthew Barney's "Hoist" is a typically symbolic effort that seems to depict a bizarre mating ritual between a man (played by Barney) who has what looks to be a giant cucumber for a penis and what is identified by the press notes as a 50-ton deforestation Caterpillar truck."


"Gaspar Noe's "We Fuck Alone,"...overdoses on the strobe-lighting effects of Noe's previous "Irreversible" as it humorlessly depicts one man's encounter with a plastic blow-up doll."

Richard: "It's up next in my Netflix queue!"

Chip: "I'm planning a triple feature with Michael Winterbottom's 9 Songs and John Cameron Mitchell's Shortbus."

Go here to see the trailer:


Thursday, November 11, 2010

The LC Has a Downloadable Theme Song, The City of Larryville Has An "Official" New Blog, and Chip Has a Ph.D!

Readers, we encourage you to devote a few minutes of your day to downloading and listening to the LC's official theme song (click link in sidebar). Yes, that's Sugar Dick himself (Richard) on lead vocals, supplemented by The Leotards, Stephanie Stix and King Tosser, who are about to be big in this town...we're talking Transmittens big!.

We recommend playing the song each time you tune in to the LC, as it rewards repeat listening (our personal favorite moments right now are Dick and Stix trading vocals on a repetition of Hamm's at the two minute mark, which builds into an orgasmic crescendo from Stix, and also the moment, soon after, in which King Tosser follows Richard's assertion that "Chip has a boner tonight" with a playful series of guitar licks that somehow suggest a boner).


We like to think of ourselves as the "unofficial" blog of Larryville, but you might want to check out a new blog billing itself as "The official blog of the City of Lawrence, KS":


The first entry assures us that, "in most cases, comments will be left on. We disagree with the concept of having a blog only to have the comments turned off, leaving the discussion one-sided."

We're guessing, however, that it's easy enough to leave a comment which will be removed. Go test it out.


As of this morning, Chip (or, more accurately, the man behind the myth of "Chip") joins the ranks of numerous long-time LC writers, contributors, and readers who have PhD's, such as Dr. (Sugar) Dick, Dr. C (the Colorado gentleman), Dr. X (the mysterious vulgarian), and Dr. Cl.thier (the poetic troubadour...does he still read this blog?).

If you know Chip (or feel like you know Chip after having read his remarks for awhile), congratulate him.

Chip: "I have a feeling my boner jokes are about to become a lot more intelligent."

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Facebook Group of the Week / Local Collective of the Week: Team Bear Club

Unhappy with the release of the George W. Bush memoir this week, a Facebook group has arisen called "Subversively move George W. Bush's memoir to crime section in book shops," the goal being to "Make bookshops think twice about where they categorize our generation's greatest war criminals." The group currently has 4679 members (Richard: "Make that 4680!") and encourages people to post photos of their subversiveness.

Chip: "I'm going to be conducting some stakeouts at Borders and, if I catch any Eastsiders attempting such a stunt, I'm prepared to make a citizen's arrest."

Here's a photo from the group:

And go here to join the group yourself:



Now that the long-running Neon dance night is no more, it's time for the hippest kids to reclaim the dance party scene, and our Twitter buddies from Team Bear Club are up to the challenge. The Pitch (notice we didn't say Lawrence.com) offers an excellent profile of the hip-hop collective this week, which includes this sentence:

"With influences that range from J Dilla and Diplo to Soulja Boy and, Canty says, "Topeka grittiness," Team Bear Club's sound is hip-hop as only well-educated Midwesterners could fashion it."

Chip: "They make me grind, AND they make me think."

Read the piece here: http://www.pitch.com/2010-11-11/music/team-bear-club/

And go here to read more and download some tunes, such as the album below:


And study this photo to see how many Team Bear Club members you've partied with:

And make sure to attend their Jackpot "Swag Thursdays" party tomorrow.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Locals Fight To Keep Dillons Dirty! / Larryville Gets An Important New Holiday Event / NY-Times Reviews The Instructions

As expected, locals showed up en masse last night at a meeting at Central Junior High to discuss plans for the razing and renovation of "Dirty Dillons":

"Some residents offered suggestions for improvements to the store, such as a mural painted by a local artist on the back of the building, or a locally owned coffee shop inside the building instead of a Starbucks" (LJ-World).

Chip: "This is East Larryville at its very worst. You offer them a nice, modern building and they want to muck it up with 'art.'"

And, in the online talkback to the article, deskboy04 makes an important point:

"I hope that they still sell the chicken gizzards. They are fantastic. You can't get them at KFC."

Richard: "Indeed, the lack of gizzards would be a dealbreaker for me too, except that I can also get them at the 6th Street Dillons and at Checkers."


Larryville already has numerous important holiday events, such as the night when Santa lands on Weaver's Department Store roof and has to be rescued by local firemen and the night that Art Dodge puts on a Santa cap and plays holiday standards in the Tap Room basement while calling himself Dusty Rhodes. But an important new event is coming to town on December 11, and we urge you to participate.

It's the first-ever Larryville installment of an event called Santa Con:

"SantaCon is for adults - where guys & girls of legal age dress up like Santa and go cavorting around town for no better reason than that it's huge fun."

Chip: "I love cavorting and am also a fan of gamboling."

Go here for more details: http://www.santaconlawrence.com/

And follow the Larryville event here: www.twitter.com/santalawrence.

We've been in touch with some of the organizers directly, and they've assured us that there will also be "frolicking" and "prancing."


If you're a literary hipster, you're obligated to read everything published by McSweeneys, especially when it's a 1030 page tome about a Chicago kid who might be the Messiah. Our friend Dr. X is meticulously working his way through Adam Levin's The Instructions now, and we hope for a review from him when he finishes (sometime late next year). In the meantime, the NY-Times has beat him to the punch with a not-so-flattering review (in which the reviewer also chastises readers for not reading his own super-long Jewish novel and claims that no one will ever finish The Instructions: prove him wrong, Dr. X!):

"As in the Talmud, there isn’t much plot, just water-fountain tattle, summaries, lists and, interspersed, charts and strange doodled maps that only distract."

Chip: "I'd rather read the Talmud."

Monday, November 8, 2010

The Boys Read the GQ (British Version) "Guide to Hipster Women" / Scenester Pick of the Day

We've been showcasing an important new article on hipsterism each week and today's may be the most important yet: a piece called "Guide to Hipster Women" from the British GQ.

Here's a representative excerpt from the piece:

"In recent years, the Hipster Girl, far from that mysterious creature spotted in Western society's white, middle-class cultural youth hubs - Hoxton Square in London, Williamsburg in New York, or the Mission District in San Francisco - has landed slap-bang in the middle of the road...Hipster Girls are everywhere, and have become very big business.

Vintage band T-shirts taken from her mother, lumberjack shirts found in Help The Aged, skinny jeans torn from Iggy Pop's carcass, Bob Dylan's Ray-Ban wayfarers: the 21st-century Hipster Girl magpies the cool stuff from decades past and assembles it in a smorgasbord of appropriated Hipness."

The article also classifies hipster girls into various categories, our favorite being "austerity girl," whose characteristics are amusingly delineated as follows:

"Makes her own lemonade; describes the process of being drunk as "getting tight" despite never having read Brideshead Revisited; endlessly extols the virtues of Sixties line bras; loves receiving mail from admirers ("and by that I mean 'actual' letters rather than those impersonal, indifferent electronic notes, darling!"); can't abide the philistine indoor smoking ban; plays nothing but Vera Lynn on 7ins vinyl; enjoys kinky "bunker" sex to the sound of a WWII air-raid siren."

Chip: "The kinky Larryville equivalent of that final sexual preference is 'enjoys sex outdoors while roleplaying Quantrill's Raid.'"

The article closes with a list of the top ten "hipster heroines," with number one being...Chloë Sevigny:

"The absolutely unimpeachable princess of downtown NYC anti-cool since 1994, Chloë has a weirdly fleshy face and dresses like an undergraduate performance-art project or a walking jumble sale - sorry, thrift store. No wonder she remains, without any eye-shadow of a doubt, the Hipster Girl crush to end all Hipster Girl crushes. Like, ever!"

Richard: "I thought her hipness peaked with the blowjob scene from The Brown Bunny? And how can she still be hip after the not-very-good-at-all recent season of Big Love?"

Go here to learn many important things:



Tonight's Replay show is a band called Nuclear Power Pants (pants, not plants, get it!?), which contains members of the Dan Deacon Ensemble. That fact alone should lure you out. Remember when you all packed the Jackpot a few years ago to hear Deacon make funny noises?

If that isn't enough to get you interested, how about this interweb review:

"From the opening skree of Flipper-feedback on “Got Soul, Need Body,” density is key."

We love any song that begins with dolphin noises, so count us in. See you at the Replay.

Chip: "Actually, I'm headed to the Black Swans show at the Tap Room, since we need to cover both of them."

Meet Nuclear Power Pants:

Sunday, November 7, 2010

The LC's Box-Office Round-up / The Boys Record a Theme Song for the LC!

Readers, is it just us, or has it been especially great to be a moviegoer for the past month? Four weeks ago we all shelled out a record amount of cash to be puked and pissed on (in 3D) by the Jackass gang. Three weeks ago we invested our hard-earned cash to stare at static shots of a few rooms, punctuated by occasional doors opening of their own accord which made us squueeeeal like little girls (Paranormal Activity 2). Last week, as Halloween tradition dictates, we contributed to the undying success of the Saw franchise (with body parts hacked off in 3D this time around!). And this weekend Todd Phillips' raunchy follow-up to The Hangover, Due Date, delighted us all with about 35 close-ups of a dog, making us all say "Awwww" every.single.fucking.time. (it opened at #2 behind 3D superheroes) Here's our favorite review of Due Date so far (from the NY-Times):

"Regurgitation and a self-pleasuring dog define the limits of the new film’s ambitions."

Chip: "I laughed so hard at that masturbating dog that I drowned out the five minutes worth of dialogue immediately following the masturbating dog, so I had to watch the film twice in a row, but then the same thing happened again. Can anyone tell me what was said during the five minutes after the dog masturbated?"


Last night the boys holed up in a studio with Larryville's greatest underground hipster band, The Leotards, to record a theme song for The Larryville Chronicles. (if you are hip enough, you may have once seen the band recently emerge from hiding and play with the Vigilantes at a local house party). The band consists of Stephanie Six on sultry vocals, simulated sex noises, and Too Short rap interludes, complemented by the penetrating guitar riffs (and Manchester attitude) of local punk scholar King Tosser. After a few cases of PBR (and some Hamm's) the boys emerged with a three minute masterpiece in which they contributed lead vocals to a song that encapsulates most of what interests them (beer, bands, boners, and venues, with the venues being chanted and followed up by the memorable intonation of "These are the only places that are hip enough for us to go."). Once the track is mixed to the high standards of The Leotards, we hope to offer an MP3 link in our sidebar so you can judge for yourself: Is it art, or isn't it? (but we assure you that it IS).

Saturday, November 6, 2010

"Dirty Dillons" Slated for a Cleaning / Plus, the Boys Celebrate Guy Fawkes' Night and Read Keith Richards' Autobiography

There's been talk for years, but the time appears to have come for Larryville's beloved "Dirty Dillons" on Mass. Street to be razed (at the first of next year) and replaced by a top-of-the-line new Dillons, which will feature such townie-centric amenities as "a special parking area for bikes and scooters" (LJ-World).

Although the plan is garnering support from the Eastside, we nonetheless predict a vocal contingent will organize some sort of "Keep Dillons Dirty" campaign in the coming weeks.

Richard: "Well, there IS something truly charming about the funky odors and lingering threat of menace that accompanies any trip to Ghetto Dillons. I hate to lose that."

And what does Chip, who has recently found himself living a life of domestic bliss in the area, think about the new store?

Chip: "I look forward to a more hygienic shopping experience. And also to the fact that it will have a Starbucks. Prepare to be gentrified, townies!"


Readers, did you attend the Guy Fawkes' Night celebration last night outside the legendary former meth lab way out on 15th street near The Outhouse? (the property is now wholesomely owned by local raconteur Bob Coffman). If you didn't, you're not as hip as we are. Yes, our friend King Tosser, local Britwit, presided over a celebration of the foiling of the "Gunpowder Plot" in which, keeping with tradition, we torched an effigy symbolizing our greatest threats to the state (considering this week's local elections, many in attendance no doubt pictured Sam Brownback).

Chip: "Wait, this shit sounds made up."

Richard: "Nope, it was all recorded for prosperity."


We're sometimes discouraged by the lack of pure rock and roll debauchery in Larryville (aside from maybe the Vigilantes on peak nights), so we're currently reading the bestselling new Keith Richards' autobiography to get our fill of such mischief. We'll be sharing a few of our favorite passages with you over the coming weeks, starting with this one:

"This was the tour of the giant inflatable cock. It came rising up from the stage as Mick sang 'Starfucker.' It was great was the cock...".

Friday, November 5, 2010

The LC's Weekend Guide to Larryville

From the looks of it, this weekend isn't particularly hip, but we have a few ideas for you.

It's always a hipster beard party when Arthur Dodge is at the Replay, so check out his set tonight while introspectively stroking your facial hair and warming up with the Friday Jim Beam special. Dodge is opening for High Diving Ponies, who sound intriguing based on this Rathaus description:

"The song “Muppets” features a slowly evolving guitar riff with a 90’s angular, early Built to Spill feel and the fuzzy, distant vocal melodies familiar to fans of My Bloody Valentine. The stellar pop-gem “I Smell Like Smoke” could be a Guided By Voices b-side with its addictive lo-fi melody that rises above punky acoustic guitar strumming."

They had us sold at Built to Spill and drove it home with GBV. See you at the Replay.

We also recommend keeping a close watch on tomorrow's KU/CU football match-up. The Buffs haven't won a road game since 2007. Tomorrow is likely their day to break that streak. And they probably deserve it.

Celebrate the CU victory at the Replay tomorrow night as Cincinatti buzz-band Pomegranates take the stage. Here's a blurb from an interweb review on their Myspace:

"I find the music here to be original, particularly because it abounds with a quality not usually found in indie rock: Fun. Lots of fun. Fun without being silly. Fun without being odd for fun's sake. The kind of fun that comes from hope."

We predict there will be six people in the audience, tops, as local hipsters detest fun, and especially fun that comes from hope.

Rock out with "Skull Cakin'" at their Myspace page:


Thursday, November 4, 2010

Rank Yourself On This Hipster Scale / Also, We Check In With Style Scout and the Bombshell Girls

Last week we examined a New York magazine piece claiming the hipster era was fading away. But this week our Twitter-buddy Abner the Owl sent us a link that claims hipster culture is continuing to "explode," so much so that a "hipster point scale" is needed to separate the hippest from the not-so-hip.

For instance, the standard PBR earns you a -1 demerit, whereas Miller High Life (the champagne of beers) grants you 2 points (Blatz beer earns 3).

The boys scored pretty high, largely due to their love of "ironic women's socks" (5 points) and mustaches containing "more than two inches of fluff" (5 points).

Go score yourself here:



We like the last name of today's Style Scout subject John Wubbles, perhaps because it reminds us of Wow Wow Wubbzy, one of Chip's favorite programs. John would like to see fewer "hipsters and bad bands" in Larryville (which bands are you thinking of, John?), and people say he looks like James Spader. John "like[s] to look good without spending a lot of money or working very hard."

What do you think, readers? Is he successful?


Our Twitter-buddies over at local pin-up agency, Bombshell Girls, are getting some good press on the LJ-World website today in the "Town Talk" section:

"Pinups — you know, the type of pictures teenage boys drooled over in the 1940s and ’50s — is a new industry in LawrenceLongtime photographer John Gladman and business partner Carol Ann Zuk have opened Bombshell, a new business that allows women to come in and pose for pinup-style photos at Gladman’s North Lawrence studio. The process involves some hair work and an hour-long photo session, Zuk said. Once the client settles on a particular shot, Gladman then begins digitally painting the photo to give it that original pinup look."

Chip: "Anytime I see a pin-up, no matter what the model looks like, I salute it, if you catch my meaning. I mean that it gives me a boner."

If you are reading this, and you are a woman, and especially if you are a Quinton's waitress, go here and schedule your appointment:


Wednesday, November 3, 2010

The Boys Celebrate the Upcoming Library Expansion! / Hipster Pick of the Day / Spot That Scenester Model

Readers, the library proposal passed yesterday, and if you're anything like us you've spent today daydreaming about a time in the near future (2012, supposedly) when you can park in the new parking garage and spend a delightful afternoon in the new reading rooms overlooking Watson Park while making your way through Adam Levin's The Instructions (which you'll still be reading at that point, because that fucker is looooong!).

But not everyone is pleased. Let's take a look at today's LJ-World talkback.

justforfun says: "Aron Cromwell is a 1st class moron!!! And of course east Lawrence had stronger voting for it, the house values are crap and they arent worth sh*t. Westside to support the eastside as usual, the busses, and now the Library/ homeless hangout. Nice goin Democrat do-gooders."
Chip: "I don't understand all of his points, but I suspect I agree with them."


The Jackpot offers a rare early evening show tonight: Woven Bones. Pitchfork's review of the Austin garage-rockers is not exactly stellar (6.6) but the band is compared to everyone from the Velvets to Spacemen 3 to Echo and the Bunnymen, so surely at least one of those comparisons is enough to entice a handful of hipsters to leave their pads prior to midnight.

Here's our favorite excerpt from the Pitchfork review:

"These tunes seem almost too cool for melody... You'd be hard-pressed to finger a highlight amidst these 26 svelte minutes, given the record's compositional tunnelvision, yet the effect's not samey but, rather, hypnotic."

The opening statement there is about as perfect a description of hipster music as we've yet seen. Also, "samey" is a real word (we had to check), but it sounds like one that a five-year old would use.

See you at the show.


Believe it or not, A. Rusc.n's "party pics" from last week's Fashion Monsters Fashion Show are up on L.com in a timely fashion. Here's a glimpse of the evening's highlight (the make-out session during the Westboro Baptist-themed entry) followed by a scenester zombie (is he a zombie?). Click to enlarge and, as ever, spot that scenester and claim a free beer from the LC.

See the full photo gallery here:


Tuesday, November 2, 2010

The Boys Vote Yes For the Library! / Mustache of the Week / Local Band of the Week

Readers, we don't have a lot of time to spare because we're spending today downtown, boasting loudly about how we "voted yes for the library" and hoping that our progressive tendencies will get us laid by sexy-librarian types (or even civic-minded, mildly attractive hipster women).

Chip: "Actually, I voted no on the library, but I'm not owning up to it downtown for fear that my picture will be posted in liberal establishments under the caption: 'Asshole.' But I'll tell you what I did vote yes for: the proposal written in such a way that suggested if I voted 'no' someone would show up at my house, possibly this very afternoon, and take away my guns."


In this new column, we'll be showcasing our favorite pictures of local mustaches. First up, this shot from the Janelle Monae concert (courtesy of A. Ruscin):

Richard: "She's smiling, but secretly I think she's a little scared of his mustache."

Sure, we're always late to the game on the hippest of local hipster culture, but eventually we find it. Our local band of the week this week is Say My Name. Here's the scoop from Rangelife Records:

"Say My Name's S/T EP is 8 tracks of tangy twists and ice-cold instrumentation, a travelogue through 70's World Music and scratched Blaxploitation LP's cut together in his Lawrence, Kansas apartment. Say My Name has done beats for Dri's "Smoke Rings", remixes for White Flight, Suzannah Johannes and Hospital Ships, and played lead guitar in Fourth Of July. This is his first solo project."

We're big fans of the cover:

There's also a new animated Say My Name video by Kenneth Kupfer, who we believe is one of the members of Wayne Pain and the Cum Draculas. We've heard that one of the Cum Draculas offered a nice retort at the Replay recently in regard to our blog statements about how we could only stomach their tunes for about 30 seconds, stating that 30 seconds was about the same amount of time they could stomach our blog (so presumably none of them will read this far into the post to witness our nice press). Watch Kupfer's video here:


And get your smooth Blaxploitation groove on here:


Monday, November 1, 2010

The Boys Listen to the New Taylor Swift Album (The Return of the LC's "Country Corner!")

As you know, we tend to spend our time listening to bands that are so hip you've never heard of them (Chip: "I'm really into a band called Panty Lions right now."). But occasionally we wonder if we're missing something important in the mainstream, especially when we come across lines like this from Rolling Stone's review of the new Taylor Swift album, Speak Now:

"Where are all the older people who are supposedly making better pop records than Taylor Swift? There aren't any. In a mere four years, the 20-year-old Nashville firecracker has put her name on three dozen or so of the smartest songs released by anyone in pop, rock or country."

The review also speaks of Swift's maturity as a songwriter (and a woman!). She is now "slipping more grown-up details into her love stories. It's tame by country-radio standards, but it's still weird to hear T-Sweezy sing lines like "There's a drawer of my things at your place."

Chip: "As soon as T-Sweezy turns 21, I'm totally going to fantasize about boning her."

Let's take a look at a few lyrics from "Sparks Fly," off the new album:

"Gonna strike this match tonight
Lead me up the staircase
Won't you whisper soft and slow
I'd love to hate it
But you make it like a fireworks show"

Our feminist readers: "This song exhibits a fascinating tension beteen female power and female submission. Notice that the lyrics begin with Swift in control: SHE is going to 'strike this match,' to control the relationship. Yet this immediately gives way to a relinquishment of control, as she desires, no doubt due to centuries of conditioning, for the man to take the 'lead.' This troubling dynamic intensifies with the line 'I'd love to hate it,' which is suggestive of her inability to assert her will against male sexual power, which may begin 'soft and slow' but soon gives way to violence, 'a fireworks show.'"

Chip: "Wait. I thought the 'fireworks show' referred to her orgasm? Who's right here?"

Richard: "I'm pretty sure you are, Chip. And maybe we'll get a chance to ask her in person if she makes her annual visit to KU this year to see her best friend."

If you're too hip to dig T-Sweezy, however, go here and listen to Panty Lions:


Here's the picture from their Myspace page. Yes, that's a tiny little kitty!