Saturday, May 22, 2010

This Week in Sports News (Plus, Snarky Talkback Comment of the Week!) / Also: It's National Masturbation Month!

Former KU football coach Mangino finally packed his bags this week and headed off to Florida, leaving in his wake a trail of snarky on-line comments, such as this one:

The_Big_B says… "Put a giant Huggies on him, inside out, and have him swim in the Gulf and soak up all that oil."

Richard: "I'd like to hire The Big B as an LC writer. He's topical, hilarious, and has an appreciation for a classic fat-joke."

At any rate, the LC wishes Mangino well, and we may all wish he were back if Coach Gill's Praying Jayhawks can't win a few games.


It has only recently come to the boys' attention that May is officially "National Masturbation Month," which "began in 1995 in San Francisco as a response to the forced resignation [due to her controversial pro-masturbation views] of then U.S. Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders," according to a piece from The piece contains some titillating stats, such as this: "The study showed women from 20- to 39-years old were the most enthusiastic masturbators, with women 18 to 20, and those over 40 masturbating less."

Chip: "What about men? I'd describe myself as a very enthusiastic masturbator, and quite skillful."

Since we only learned about the month-long celebration a few days ago, we plan to double our efforts for the rest of the month, and urge you to do the same! Enjoy your weekend, readers.


Pork-Fu indeed! said...

Holy Shit! This is very important news!

Where are the women masturbating?

Is there... like a health club or some class (Is this the part of yoga that makes all the chicks take it as no self-serving man (Hah! That was a masturbation joke you prigish bitches!) will? I mean... I'm totally fine with being cut out of the goods... but oif there is some sorta hot crisco-laden field of bitches somewhere filed with horny women hunting the snark with a boojum -- I mean, I just wanna watch this shit.

I never knew! I wanna know more.

C'MON, NOGGLE -- make with the fucking field reporting and find out when and where the bitches and flogging the molly, and get us tickets. (This shit can not be free.) I mean... do they stick pop bottles up their ass too while they do it (What? WTF do I know about women setting out the shingle? Shit, I just found out that women masturbate like last week... Now I find out there's a whole month devoted to it! Christ! What other crazy shit am I missing out on? Women like gang anal and poly-gang fuck soirees in the back of the barn? How I met your fucking mother is a good show?

MacGruber might be worth my valuable time?

Shit, I need to read more books or something... I should end this parenthetical...) There. That's better. Anyhow -- Noggle -- find out where and when this shit goes down. It's fucking road trip time.

--This is like the Feelies Bitch Zoo or something. ...Someplace in America, swarms of hot ass are strumming the banjo, and I want in!

masturbate-a-thon said...

May 30th, San Francisco. Order tickets here.

Some important info from the site:

Are you a Voyeur?
You don't have to sign up as a masturbator to enjoy the event. Come as a spectator! To find out more about the cost, rules of respect or to reserve a space in voyeurs land, visit our spectator's page.

Attention Competitors
If you plan on challenging the World Record for Time you must be present by 10:30am PST to make the start.

Just want to Wank with others?
We also have spaces set up away from the cameras and voyeurs where you can masturbate with others. There are mixed gender, male only, and female only spaces.

Not Sure you want to be part of the live event?
You can join us by masturbating from home! Click here to find out how

Stuffin the Turkey! said...


--This is the most important news this site has ever reported! (I think Noggle may have finally scooped!)


see you in Frisco! said...

Finally, an event worth traveling for!