Monday, May 24, 2010

Local Fans React to the LOST Finale! / Concept Album of the Week / Masturbation Month Coverage Continues!

Richard, drunk on Dharma beer, cried throughout last night's emotionally wrenching two-and-a-half hour series finale (especially when the dog reappeared...holy shit!). At the end, he pronounced the experience "rewarding and resonant" (then promptly forgot about it and went back to watching the greatest show currently on television: Breaking Bad).

Elsewhere in Larryville, local doctor Cl.thier was unimpressed, and submits this lengthy rant comparing the series to 90210 (Warning: this rant contains minor spoilers...just a warning to those of you who are currently wandering around Barcelona with a drunken Captain Chanute):

"You know, the actual episode might have been good, but in the context of the entire series, it was a complete and utter non sequitur. That could have been the ending to Saved by the Bell, Friends, or Full House. "We all die." Thanks, Christian, where I would be without you, Darlton, and the "big answers." It's all about the characters - I get ... See Moreit. But if that's the case, don't make up a whole "mythology", tell everyone "science will prove it", then in the end abandon it for a sideways purgatory story that could have happened regardless of the island crap. In some purgatory world, Dylan McKay is married to Brenda, but Mr. Walsh is desperately trying to get him to "let go" and be with Kelly. It's all very riveting, and best of all, really just about the "characters" and the "big questions", not stuff like, "How did Brandon get off of the alien ship?" or "Where did David Silver learn to start earthquakes by himself?" or "Has the space between Donna's breasts ALWAYS been used as a runway, or did that just start after her enhancement?" or "Do the KEG brothers finally win Homecoming with the Alpha house?" Like Sawyer's unreal purgatory self would say on leaving the office after a light night of writing mundane, imagined reports about people too stupid to get locked up in limbo (their limbo or just the plane people's limbo, well the plane people plus some and minus others), "Cop out."

Chip: "I spent last night watching CBS's Brooks and Dunn: The Last Rodeo special."


If there's one thing the boys love it's a concept album. If there's two things, it's a concept album about robots.

Janelle Monae's new album, The Arch Android, is "a 70-minute, 18-track epic comprising two suites, each beginning with an overture, telling a futuristic story starring a messianic android" (Pitchfork).

Read Pitchfork's rapturous 8.5 review here and check out some tracks, including "Tightrope," featuring Outkast's Big Boi!

Richard: "I don't think there's any question that this is the best concept album about robots since the Lips' Yoshima Battles the Pink Robots and Rock Plaza Central's Are We Not Horses?, which is about robot horses who believe they are real horses."


LC readers are known to masturbate at least twice as often as the readers of other blogs, so some of you will no doubt be participating in various Masturbate-a-Thon events during Memorial Day weekend as part of May's National Masturbation Month celebrations. Here's the mascot from the Portland, Oregon festivities, known as the Randy Eagle."

We also discovered an excellent on-line interview with Masonobu Sato, 2009's male winner for longest masturbation session (9 hours and 58 minutes).

Here are a few excerpts from the interview:

Was there any point you felt you couldn't go on? How did you get through those moments?

"Yes. Twice I felt I couldn't go on. I took great advantage of Japanese pornos as I prepared. Also I imagined many supporters in Japan including my girlfriend, family, co-workers etc...that I can't let them down."

Did you ever have an orgasm?
"Yes. I've come once in a halfway round. I continued masturbating without taking any rest or becoming flaccid then."

What does your family think of this achievement? Are they aware you are the world masturbating champion?
"Of course they know about the fact. They feel proud of me since last year's my victory, I think.


Get Him to the Wheat! said...

Yah, yah, yah -- We've beaten the Lost/ Masturbation horse to death *giggity*. Also, the Cloth is an uninformed and uniformed prick, male stripper whom I shall order to dance for my wife when the arousal strikes her.


While I talk not of the Lost, I shall not have some Saved by the Bell aficionado besmirch upon it.

Now, what's really important is Free State Beer in bottles. Where can I get this shit? Is it sold anywhere besides locally. That is very important news. For, few things do I miss from the Lawrence days: the constant shitting on Kip at movie night, Sodomizing Kip on broken lamp poles, Corn-Fed Titty... and, of course, Free State Beer.

If I can somehow come by the deliciousness of Free State Wheat product locally... I shall surely find a way for this website to be financed in return for such golden elixir. But not for the Cloth as he is an unloving Lost finale Bitches.


--Fucking best finale ever. Bitches.

you really stretch me out said...

1000 women masturbating to The Leotards "Sugar Dick" on heavy rotation. This could be in the register of the robot concept.

ad astra per aspera said...

I don't think the reach of Free State bottles currently extends very far.

Also, I demand a concept album about masturbating robots!

"do you have any xxxxxs t-shirts?" said...

Man, lengthy and witty comment sent into the void. Sad.

Don't worry Dr. X, I do indeed "LOVE ON KATE'S ASS", but quite honestly, it's her topside I'm more fond of. Thank God she packed all of those extremely tight t-shirts! Perhaps Juliet should borrow some as well.

And while Driveshaft + Faraday sucked complete ass, at least all of the Lost women felt the need to slut it up sartorially!

I'd love on Kate's ass said...

Quite literally.

X the compassionate flower said...

Alright, all is forgiven as long as we can all agree that there are few places on Kate's body where a man would not stick his penis (ear, nostril... Kip could fit his in both mind you, but it still would not be pleasurable.).

Dr. X gets very touchy about the loss of America's greatest something something.

--Meaning display of TNA... seriously: picture Sun tongue-fucking the better part of Kate's Ass while Juliet lapped milk from her feet to her honeypot... and there's your masturbatorial image for the evening!

Captain Obvious said...

This all reminds me:

I would very muchlike a return to the 'Babes We'd Like To Bone' column. Perhaps a local version! Local chicks we'd like to give the quivering love muscle too!

And masturbate with, on, near... etc.

--Make this shit happen!

gossip guy said...

Well, it IS a good idea and has been considered in the past, but some find it unsavory!

(of course, #1 on our list of local beauties remains one Ms. Katy Seib.l of Kansas Couture).

Chip: "#1 on MY list is whatever waitress at Q's serves my beer on a Tuesday."

A fine suggestion said...

How bout you two bright boys get those two together for a private one on one interview with each other... buck naked and ready to bone each other!

And videotape the whole thing!

And send me the video tape so I have something to masturbate to (This month of jerking off is making the porn wane very thin!)

--And who is this silent prude army of errant, misled sillynannies who seem to not understand what we do here?!?

silent prude army said...

Our labia are sealed for all but sugardick