Thursday, May 13, 2010

Grumpy Old Lady Editorial of the Week / Style Scout

Local retiree Judy Stuart is fed up with Larryville kids and their loud music and spicy foods, and she airs her opinions in today's LJ-World:

"I tend to eat where I know the menu, not some strange ingredients that I cannot pronounce. Spicy foods do not agree with many older people. Then, there is the noise, smoking outside before you can even get in the door, loud music and parking that is too far for the older people to walk safely. I would like comfort food that I know what I am eating. There is no Cracker Barrel with its wonderful gift shop within 45 miles of Lawrence. There is no place to get good fast food fish like Captain D’s. There is no Red Lobster or Olive Garden. There is no Bob Evans with its down-home food."

Chip: "I don't think anyone has ever articulated so well my exact feelings about the local restaurant scene."

Richard: "Agreed. If we had a Cracker Barrel, I'd eat there four times a week at least, although I believe she's wrong about the radius, as there are delicious Barrels in both Topeka and Olathe. She's certainly correct in that Captain D's is excellent, and, to my palate, far superior to Long John Silver's."


Today's Scout subjects don't have anything particularly silly to say (well, maybe the second one does), but we'll go ahead and take a look since you all love to slag off their sartorial opinions.

First up is Carol Malakasis, 22, a student in French and Italian, who is "very open-minded when it comes to fashion" and "like[s] big jewelry, oversize cocktail rings, and black and white color combinations." Her friends tell her she looks like Penelope Cruz.

Richard: "I wonder if she'd be very open-minded if I suggested a Vickie Christina Barcelona-type scenario. Perhaps our friend Keith, local French scholar, knows this lady?"

Then there's Alex Anderson, who describes his look as "Carefree and comfy - like a feather pillow without the down" and believes that Larryville needs a piazza "so that everyone can get together from all walks of life." People tell him he looks like "a slimmer version of Jack Black."

Readers, you know what do do? Are they fashionable, or aren't they?


Rumpy and/ or Pumpy said...

Yah I don't know dick about aviator shade/ black plants here (Except that toolbag could serve to get a fucking razor and bar of soap.), but I do know that the women of the foreign languages department at KU constantly tramped about with the smell of sex, sweat and cheap wine on then while hunchbacked underlings constantly made sure that their hair was blowing in the most sexy direction.

Fuck style scout. The only way I wanna see her is Black Dynamite style where I politely ask her to shut her Van Trapp family so as to not wake the other bitches (from the Foreign Language Department... as I wish to bed the lot of them after we enjoy a fine evening of hot Salsa dancing from that bar next to the pet shop on Clinton Parkway... where I would use the adorable sudsing of my lap dog in the window [meaning my dick. nooge.] to lure them in to sweaty cha chas that matriculated to sweaty... somethefuck french word for circle gangbang.).

What was I talking about again? Was it about this erection... because I don't know what that's about.

Stop jamming up my fucking Shway! said...

Also: fuck my iPhone's spell correct!

Little bitch is jamming up my shway!

Yah, they're all me. I had coffee! said...

And who the fuck is Justin Bieber?

And why is this little bitch jamming up my schway!?

Is this one of those ' boy bands ' of which Kip keeps little posters he got gratis at the Seven E-Fucking-leven free with purchase of an extra, triple decker big gulp (zing!) and a plate of nachos he didn't want but wanted the greasy hand for?

--Is that Fucktard with the glasses fucking Justin Bieber? Because I hate him!

needed some new material! said...

Finally, a hot girl on Style Scout!

chip said...

Justin Bieber is the voice of an angel!

(and sadly we think that the hot Latin sex club on Clinton Parkway has closed its doors...these days the salsa party is at Cielito Lindo, but they never play any Bieber).

Everything I love dies. said...



--All the beautiful Latin would do was dance in the window, drink Sangria and rub their massive jam-jams against each other while doing some kinda Spanish courting dance.

Ashley said...

Funny, the Husband just showed me the Grumpy Old Lady LTE today too. I, too, have been lamenting the absence of any decent fast-food fried fish in this town. That Long John Silver's stuff is crap.

southerner said...

I cry every week about the absence of real catfish in the Midwest.

A Mysterious Stranger! said...

Oh, I had the most delicious piece of catfish around the block just the other day! Did not have a lick of Southernness to it, it taste like pure Northern fish.

--I may have another tomorrow for Fishy Friday!

nostalgic for national lampoon radio said...

And need I remind you that you can't get real butter in taxis?!!

EW said...

I can't believe no one went for the "oversized cocktail rings" joke(s). I can count at least three easy ones: the oversized cock joke, the cock ring joke, and the oversized cock ring joke. Too obvious?

cocknoose said...

Whatever happened to the great local band Cocknoose? I preferred them to the 'Mittens.

C'est un sujet trop vulgaire mais je vous présente mon avis au sujet de cette chatte egyptienne said...

I just got off the CB with Keith who went into a chip like discourse in French while holding his crotch and gesticulating at it with his other hand. I gave him the palms out, open and up with hunched shoulders to indicate incomprehension. This beau geste provoked this precision from Keith: "That bitch is too hot to be in the French & Italian Department." Since Keith is focused on graduate tail, he then realized that this rosebud was an undergraduate student, an understanding which also provoked the same wildly gesticulating hand gestures because, apparently, the scholar had already had an encounter with this little Egyptienne in the bibliotheque.

Again, it's all about the subtlety said...


I find your narrative intriguing. However, holing back the part where this Keith fucks her like a bunny caught in a wood chipper is just dirty pool.

Even if this shit didn't happen -- just say some French... or Italian, fuck I won't know the difference -- and make the whole gawdamn thing up so I can fire off this doughy mass that I like to call the Doughy-Five Fingered Children of Kip's Shame.

--It's a working euphemism, but I like it.