Tuesday, May 4, 2010

The Burger Stand Breaks Up With Dempsey's / Lost Fans Speak Out!

We made an important discovery yesterday at the LC. Our readers do not want to talk about local news and politics, nor hipster bands, nor art (especially not art). Our readers want to talk about...childhood lunchboxes. At any rate, thanks for your many enlightening responses and vulgarities. But today we must turn our attention to the downtown dining scene, so pack yourself a gourmet burger in your Transmittens lunchbox, fellow hipsters, and let's consider what's about to happen to Larryville's beloved Burger Stand.

Local chef/wizard Robert Kra.se's Burger Stand has become so associated with Dempsey's Pub of late that it's easy to forget that his little burger shack is simply an autonomous business which happens to be squatting inside a pre-existing bar. Yesterday's announcement that the Stand would soon be packing up and moving down the street to the old Casbah (right next to Krause's new Esquina) inspired a day of confusion and rumors on the LJ-World site. The talkback consensus seems to be that Kra.se attempted a coup to oust the owners of Dempsey's and control the whole northern corner of downtown with his sweet, sweet truffle-burgers. Many believe that Krause's burgers revitalized a dying pub and that its absence will probably destroy it. Others insist that Dempsey's will continue cooking burgers with more or less the same menu. Others worry that the new Burger Stand location will be beerless, and who wants a Kra.se-burger without a fine pint from Dempsey's good selection?

Here is our personal favorite exchange from yesterday's talkback:

pizzapete says: "I agree, way over rated. I would take a burger from Conroy's, Set em up jacks, Jeffersons, or Buffalo Wild Wings over them any day."

theruckus33 retorts: "and your favorite movie is "American Pie" favorite beer is Budweiser, favorite musician Nickleback and you love mma fighting.......yeah we get the picture."

At any rate, the Stand as you know and love it is still open for now, so head down for today's special as advertised on their Twitter: "Pistachio dusted lamb burger with kalamata tapenade and feta."

Chip: "What's a 'kalameta?' What's a 'tapenade?' Does my ignorance make me totally uncultured?"

Richard: "Of course it does, Chip. And I personally look forward to when Kra.se controls the whole 800 block of Mass. with one gourmet restaurant after another. I still think his next 'reinvention' should be pizza, but a pizza joint in which the slices are never cut into boring triangles but rather into trapezoids or rhombuses with the theory that the very shape of the slice affects one's palate in unexpected ways."

The Eastside foodies: "I'd go there every day."


The May 23 series finale of Lost is fast approaching, and geeks are geeking out over news that tonight's episode, "The Candidate," will feature the death of a major character. But, as usual, the talkbacks are primarily concerned with smaller matters:

Chrispmcfc responds to MyNameIsDan: "Walt didnt make Polar Bears exist you mong, it was just foreshadowing by the writers."


Mmmmm, tapenade.. or tap that ass! said...

I would put a... whatthefuckevah you call it burger in my lunch box or, contrarily, lay it down on a bed of roses and make sweet fuck to it until I added a special sauce that Kip already knows by heart!

And there are no fucking transmitten, transgender or Department of Transportation lunchboxes! There's fucking Optimus (laying that sweet mecha bone to Elita One down at Dempsy's in the parking lot) or nut fucking! I mean Nothing! Fuck!

--Incidentally, these thoughts of humping, transforming robots in Larryville... possibly fighting rotten-assed hipsters and laying pipe and mecha-bone sounds like the start of an exciting new fiction series on here: The Trans-Boners!

Erector! said...

Can there be a robot in this series named Erector, shaped like a giant metal phallus?

Robots are the new werewolves!

Capt. Chanute said...

If robots are the new werewolves, how do we replace the vampires? We have to figure out something equally as emotionless, pallid and in denial of its age so that hipsters will be fooled into supporting it, too. And who the fuck is this angry bastard tearing up the comments the last few days? And why aren't we intimate compatriots? Or at least colleagues on Facebook?

Plot Synopsis said...


They are the go-bots of the horny fuck-bot world, my friend. As in: They can go the fuck away. In this new world of ERECTOR! and his fuck-loving Trans-Boner... associates -- the fight against the evil, dark forces of VAGITRON! and her electro-cock blocking army of militant eunich toasters. (Think Battlestar Gallactica with out the hot fucking Cylons... but just the Stockwell Bots... w/o the swirl)

These fuckers crashlanded in Lawrence after using up the entire supply of Wd-40/ KY in Fuckzordia... and now Vagitron and his evil Cockblockers are here to ensure that Kip gets much laid... because that pudgy little bitch will sell our ass all out for promises of Woodchuck touching his feeble joint JUST ONCE at a stall in Quinton's. What a bitch.

But ERECTOR! and his mighty Auto-erots! will save the day and then transform into highly fuckable vehicles where both they and their passengers can get frisky EXACTLY like Shia Lebooooof and Megan Fox were supposed to when he got that hot piece-o-ass machine camero!

--THis thing can't fail -- it's basically a family summer flick waiting to happen!

Cockwave said...

Vagitron should be the leader of the Decepte-coits, who want to seduce the Auto-erots away from the joys of self-love.

Cockbot said...

I think these robot tales should probably exist in their own blog (co-written by the Captain and Dr. X in some unholy alliance of dick jokes).

Gives a whole new meaning to Ratchet said...

It's not just DICK jokes... Tricky Dick.

This is as, if not more, important as Harry Lupus!

This has commercial tie-in and damn-near basic porn star appeal! We cluld get naked chicks to do this and act out the whole shit for under 20 bucks and make more money than fucking Joe Francis!

--I, myself, will be Star-Scream: sycophant to Vagitron who give a loud ' robo moan ' when he jackhammers the bitches down with his power sprocket!

shiny metal titties! said...

So you're saying we could corner the market on robo-porn with films like "Robo-cock?" (Verhoeven might even return to direct what would surely be his best work since "Robocop!").

Bumblebitch said...

It's true that robo-porn has been sadly lacking lately. I remember 2069: A Sex Odyssey from late-night Skinemax.

There's an entire INDUSTRY here! said...

I'm fucking a robot right now!

--Oh sure it's a vacuum cleaner... but it's a roomba -- so it counts. "It's switched from suck to blow!"

Roomba Bone! said...

Mega-Maid and the Jetsons' Rosie were hot, metal mamas!

Gynemorph said...

Maybe we can get that sexy Svedka bot to guest star.

Or maybe we're looking for something inhuman but nonetheless fuckable in a Cronenbergian way.

Capt. Chanute said...

Yeah, and after we have raped and pillaged (no pun intended...ok, yeah; there actually was) the robot porn industry, we could move on to the robot beastiality industry. We could even extend the concept of borrowing old Hollywood robots. For example, we could use the Jaws shark for a beach-themed porn, the wolf from Le Pacte des Loupes (Brotherhood of the Wolf) for the bucolic, down-homey animal fuck and the bird sidekick from Harvey Birdman (wait, was that a robot? Nonetheless, stick it in your hole any way) for the cartoon-y, family-oriented animal ass plow. This is really taking off, we need to act now

Splendid! said...

Ok, when do we start filming?!?

And will there be a robot cow for Kip to fuck!?!