Thursday, May 27, 2010

The Boys Consider Local Beavers / Also: Sex and The City 2 and Style Scout

No, readers, we're not embarking on our own version of Hustler's "Beaver Hunt" (not today anyway) but rather considering a current environmental catastrophe happening right here in Larryville. Last Friday, Douglas County Public Works removed a beaver dam in the wetlands, which caused water levels to drop in the north wetlands, which caused a bunch of beavers to try and cross 31st Street into the southern wetlands, which led to a bunch of beavers being crushed on the roadway. Outraged Haskell students took to the street yesterday afternoon in a protest with signs reading "Honk If You Have Beaver Fever." (Chip: "I honked because I misunderstood the sign. I thought it meant 'Honk If You Enjoy Pussy.'").


Sex and the City 2 opens today (on a Thursday, for some reason? perhaps because Thursdays are often used for 'girls' nights out'). "Feminists" across the land are expected to flock to theaters once again in a powerful show of 'girl power,' conveniently ignoring the fact that the movies suggest that women's lives are defined entirely by men and clothing (specifically: shoes).

Most critics have savaged the film, but NPR columnist Mia Mask takes a decidedly more favorable approach with these outrageous claims:

"It's hard to miss that this film is making gentle fun of itself, of the franchise's materialism, even of its own cinematic allusions. A romp through classical Hollywood genres, SATC 2 serves up beautiful vistas straight out of Lawrence of Arabia; its carnivalesque sensibility comes from romantic comedies of remarriage like It Happened One Night, and larks about irreverently adoring couples like The Thin Man's Nick and Nora Charles; and the high glamour, lavish production design and double-entendre-laced dialogue would make old Hollywood proud."

Richard: "I assure you that almost everyone who sees the film today is completely capable of missing every one of those 'cinematic allusions,' if in fact they exist in the first place."

Chip: "The truth of the matter is this: if films like It Happened One Night could have gotten away with dildo jokes in their era, they certainly would have. This is the inevitable culmination of the classic Hollywood rom-com and it should be celebrated by all of us, especially men, because (a) it gets our significant others to quit their yapping and leave us alone for a few hours while they see the film with their friends and (b) gets us laid when they return home because apparently women are turned on by shoes and gay men."


Today's Style Scout is dull, but we'll consider it anyway since it can be connected with today's debut of Sex and the City 2. Becca Raynes, 26, describes her style as "indie-sophisticate," loves 'jeggings,' dislikes 'man-dals,' and believes that Sarah Jessica Parker is a 'fashion icon.'"

Readers, is he she stylish, or isn't she? And who would you rather bone: Becca Raynes or SJP?


"we're the flying elvises, utah chapter." said...

Funny, I thought that this girl would have said Molly Ringwald was a fashion icon, because that's clearly who she stole this mid-80s look from. Give me SJP, circa Honeymooon in Vegas.

beaver fever said...

Surely that's a future album title for the Leotards.

larryville environmentalists said...

We're in the middle of a catastrophe here and Obama has not even been to town to look at our beavers.

Nailin Palin! said...

Hmmm, could I just jerk off to Kip eating meat on a stick in the can as opposed to being forced to lay the bone to either of those dumb beavers?