Saturday, May 15, 2010

The Boys Check In With Local Stripper Anna Undercover!

It's been a long time since we showcased Anna's stripper blog because, frankly, it's been a little dull lately. We're not so interested in posts about strippers doing taxes. We tune in for the seedy business. Luckily, her newest entry explores the strip club practice known as the "human sacrifice," in which a bachelor is treated to a very rough spanking/whipping/ multiple lapdance from a bevy of strippers.

Anna defines the event for us early in her post: "a sacrifice [sak-ruh-fahys] is a theatrical act in which any and all male pride is surrendered at the stilettoed feet of a pack of beautiful, wild women." (Chip: "Thanks for the pronunciation advice, Anna. I always pronounced it with a long 'a' before.").

Anna describes the event as resembling a "human jungle gym" in which the strippers climb up the bachelor's body then "whoosh down" (often painfully) onto his lap:

"Hi, bitch!" our smiles say as we happily climb up past his face and whoosh down. Some girls just dance on the guy a little; others, however, stand over him, grab the pole, and pound him in the chest with our rock hard abs.Bam! Bam! (Some clubs ask you to be gentle). Bam! (But rough is more fun for me). Bam!"

Our feminist readers: "This is a revealing passage, with the silent thought of 'bitch' suggesting how the strippers have come to see themselves in the same degrading fashion as their male customers while convincing themselves the word is a sign of female power and solidarity."

Chip: "It also reveals that Anna likes the rough stuff."

The "sacrifice" commences in this fashion:

"Push-ups are next--while we're beating his butt with his own belt (and two others), or standing on him (naturally). They usually go pretty fast, but the slow ones taunt us--and live to regret it. (Or enjoy it. We've got to up our whipping skills for these guys. I love a good challenge at work). It can take a while to finish ("...Six! Seven! Eight! Eight! Eight!"), but we eventually make it to 10, and he's done... Only to crawl around the stage on all fours, of course!"

Our feminist readers: "Notice her delight (punctuated with the exclamation mark) in reducing the 'victim' to a dog-like status, seemingly oblivious to the fact that she is the real victim in this scenario, allowing the brief 'power' of the moment to obscure the fact that she is the one who is really being 'sacrificed,' night after night, to the unforgiving male gaze."

Chip: "I think this level of humiliation might wither my boner, but I guess I won't know until my own bachelor party."

Read Anna's full post here:

1 comment:

A fan of subtlety said...


So I like this Anna.

She has exceeded my own use of bitches.

I have nothing further to add.

Oh wait, I do: Anna -- please hurt me. Hurt me up good. Just take a sledge hammer to my ballsack and make me call you Daddy. I am ready to be your dirty whore.

Dirty, dirty whore.

Love, your bitches.