The Steam Whistle Returns! / Plus, The Boys' Weekend Advice Column: If You're Too Hip For PBR, Try a "Doorkno!"

Due to an outcry of enraged alumni regarding the university steam whistle, nostalgia has triumphed over practicality and the whistle shall blow again come Monday! Students are expected to celebrate by getting fucked up and skipping class.


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Some years ago, Richard found himself half-drunk at the Replay overhearing someone order a drink that sounded like "adorno," which seemed to be a can of Hamm's poured over ice. Our hero decided later that surely this did not really happen, just as the patio dogfight of a few years previous and the pants-fire surely did not really happen. But yesterday's Lawrence.com "ode to cheap brew" confirmed Richard's vision: Larryville's coolest cats are indeed drinking Hamm's on ice: "At The Replay Lounge, this drink is drank on the rocks with lime and it’s called a Doorkno (doorknob without the b) and was invented by a former bartender known as Kirk G. All the regulars and all the old-school bartenders, that’s what most of ’em drink over the summer,” Replay owner Nick Carr.ll says." Richard has vowed never to drink a boring old PBR again.

The boys' have also decided that their own favorite drinks should be named after them. A "Nog" is a Corona with salt around the rim ("It's sort of like a beer with a margarita attitude and it makes me feel like a fucking Parrothead!") and a "Chipper" is Diet Dr. Pepper and Malibu Rum ("It's healthy and full of coconut, plus it gets you shitfaced!").