Chip says: "I suppose it would be nice to sit outside the Red Lyon and sip an expensive beer, although it's dangerously close to the rabble that frequents the Replay. But the idea of a place like The TapRoom getting an outdoor drinking area scares me. Letting those pale-skinned hipsters out into the sunlight seems wrong. I hope the TapRoom at least builds a sort of 'pen' around the area, so that I can observe the freaks like they're animals in a zoo."
While drinking at the Replay on a recent evening, Richard spotted an interesting sign on the wall--"Get real. Get Pabst. Welcome back, students!"--which led him to wonder about PBR's current status as the preferred beer of hipsters.
Richard: "Drinking PBR is surely an affectation among younger drinkers. Somehow it became acknowledged as 'cool,' a signifier that one is 'real,' that one is just a regular-joe. But yet it's gone on so long now that some hipsters no longer consciously know it's an affectation. They honestly think that they like that swill! So does that somehow make it 'real,' after all?"
Chip: "Fuck these philosophical questions! No one likes PBR. But the real question raised by that sign is: 'Why would students opt to hang out with the underfed and possibly homeless denizens of the Replay when there's so many better places to go downtown?"
Richard: "And since when does the Replay go out of its way to court student business? There used to be a nice elitist undercurrent to the surface hospitality there which suggested 'We'll tolerate you fratty or hippie types so long as this is just a pit-stop on your pub crawl. But don't linger."
The boys favorite-places list rolls on today with #6: Richard raves about Miracle Video and Chip sings the praises of the Yacht Club.
Richard: "This is where Larryville residents go to get their porn films. Sure, they also have a very varied selection of regular DVD's and friendly employees who are actually knowledgeable about film (unlike at Hasting's), but everyone knows that porn is paying the bills here. Even with a wide world of often-free porn available on the internet, Miracle does a booming business. One has only to remain in the store for a few minutes to see numerous men, always alone, eyes downcast, enter the store and make a beeline for the swinging doors in back to peruse the fuck flicks. Has your humble narrator ever ventured back there? Maybe once, dear readers, long ago, for research purposes, at which point he encountered a familiar face, an acquaintance, another unassuming and upstanding local citizen like himself. They gave each other a polite nod, and chose not to compare their favorites or speak of the moment in later years as they met each other on the streets of Larryville except to occasionally nod knowingly, as if to say, 'Yeah, we're both worldly men who've seen a little porn. What of it?'
Chip: "Porn these days is all about the anal sex. But I don't think real people do that. Didn't God say not to do it in the butt?
The Yacht Club:
Chip: "As I've explained before, this place has the third hottest waitresses in town, several of whom are my former students. They think of me as a 'celebrity,' of sorts. My friend Cl.thier plays a gig here once a month and it's cool knowing a rock star. Also, one of the best moments of my life occurred here when I spotted Coach S.lf and chatted him up at the urinal while pretending to take a leak. He seemed really fond of me, in a frightened sort of way."
Richard: "It's the third closest bar to my apartment."