Wednesday, October 22, 2008

The Boys Consider Kansas City Haunted Houses / Also, Suggestions on How To Stop the KU Kickoff Chant!

The boys love Halloween for its mischief and candy, but do they ever attend the expensive (20 bucks and up) haunted house attractions such as "Edge of Hell" and "The Beast" in Kansas City (which according to the KC-Star was considered the "haunted house capital" of the nation in the late 80's).

Chip: "It just seems to me there are better ways to spend that kind of money. One could buy dinner for two at Applebee's or a blowjob from a cheap KC street hooker for that price. If I want to be scared and chased around by freaks in the dark, I can pay two bucks and step into the Replay on any given evening."

Richard: " 'The Beast' apparently contains a live alligator. First, this has GOT to be illegal. And second, what does an alligator have to do with ghosts and goblins and such?"


With the next KU home football game on the horizon, it's a safe bet that not all students will opt for the new chant (which will be chosen tomorrow...currently in the lead: "Go...Jayhawks!"). The question now becomes: How should those who insist on yelling "Rip his fucking head off" be punished? The LC offers a few suggestions:

1) Wash the students' mouths out with soap.

2) Lob canisters of teargas into the general vicinity of the chant. Sure, this might punish a few innocent bystanders, but they're probably guilty of something else deserving of a little teargas.

3) Public beheadings along Jayhawk Boulevard. Who's getting their fucking heads ripped off now, kids!

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