Thursday, July 2, 2009

This Week in Sports News / Plus, The Boys Check in With "Style Scout" / Also, Fourth of July Coverage!

While the rest of the world continued to mourn the King of Pop, Larryville busied itself this week with the terrifying rumor that highly-touted basketball recruits Xavier and C.J. Henry might NOT be coming to KU after all because their feelings had been hurt by a KC-Star newspaper article. Coach S.lf, his own self, traveled to meet with the family and assure the boys that they were indeed very, very special, resulting in yet another promise that they are definitely headed to KU and leading us straight to another championship.

Chip: "Journalists should NEVER disparage the good name of KU basketball players. Look at the jokes that were made when Sherron whipped his cock out and rubbed himself up against that old lady on the campus elevator. I mean, what was funny about that?"


Sure, it may be officially called "What You're Wearing" these days, but it will always be "Style Scout" to us. Today's edition in the LJ-World features local graphic designer and "full time vampire enthusiast" E who describes her style as "a mix between Liza Minnelli and Phyllis Nefler from the movie 'Troop Beverly Hills." For those of you who may have forgotten that film, it's a 1989 Shelley Long vehicle about a housewife who becomes a Wilderness Scout leader. Has the film become some kind of new hipster classic without Richard's knowledge? Perhaps? E goes on to explain what she'd like to see more of in Larryville ("more cats in businesses") and that people say she looks like Zooey Deschanael (Richard: "She doesn't"). Also scouted today is Jeff Immer, Jr, who would like to see less "rootsy rock and roll music and country-sounding bands" in town (Cl.thier: "What a prick!"), and who describes his fashion influences as "bookish/nebbish looking guys, robots, Farnsworth Bentley, and Andre 3000."

Chip: "And people think it's weird that I don't like hanging out on the streets of Larryville."

Richard: "What kind of person wants to see more cats in businesses? Aren't the cats of Love Garden and Dusty Bookshelf enough? Between those two locations, I think there's about eleven of those feline fuckers making me sneeze while I look for Transmittens records and used copies of Chabon."


Readers, if you're a true patriot, you've probably already got plans to blow shit up and get hammered this holiday weekend, but if you're still looking for something to do, we offer this off-the-beaten path suggestion: an event called the Vinland Cracker, in which local eccentrics travel ten miles out of Larryville to sleepy Vinland, Kansas and blow things up in the town's aerodrome.

One of the event's most popular attractions is called the "Barbie-Q," in which participants join together in "deforming Barbie dolls with smoke bombs" ( A young fan offers this quote on

“It’s really cool,” Sylvie says of the Barbie-Q. “We also really like it when people bring their Hello Kitties and My Little Ponies and blow them up.”

Richard: "I'm going to blow up some Transformers while shouting 'Fuck Michael Bay!'"

See you in Vinland!


city limits said...

Farnsworth Bentley, nebbish boys (Yiddish!), and robots? Mr. Immer, "rootsy rock and roll music and country-sounding bands" wish that there were far fewer of you in town as well. As does, well, everyone else in Lawrence who doesn't play Magic: The Gathering while wearing velcro topsiders. Luckily, you live in Eudora. Please, stay there.

get a rope said...

Hell, the only thing that sounds like rock at all these days is half country or folk, since all the so-called rockers are too busy tripping over themselves trying to sound like Andre 3000.

Here, here, city limits.

Percolating by proxy said...

Sounds like art to me!

Get laid once for me.

Farnsworth Bentley said...

I had to look that name up.

Now I need to watch Troop Beverly Hills.

a male poet said...

Will do, PBP. But when will the Percolator feature a night when I can read my sexy Quinton's poems?!

cl.thier said...

I like it - let's lean on the Percolator for our own reading...perhaps some selections from on an on-going meta-tale about a horny teen vampire followed up by some ribald poetry about Quinton's waitresses and games like "Just the Tip"?

Harry Lupus said...

It's a horny teen WEREWOLF, Cl.thier! (vampires are for pussies!).

But "Just the Tip" is going to be just what's needed!

"I once knew a waitress named Woodchuck"
(but what rhymes with Chuck?)