Monday, July 20, 2009

Richard and Transmittens! / Plus, The Boys Hollywood Report and the Reality Show Pick of the Week!

Readers, there are occasional moments in the worlds of art, sports, film, and music that are simply...transcendent. Think of the Mona Lisa's cryptic smile, of Mario Chalmers' legendary three-pointer, of Rick telling Ilsa: "Here's lookin' at you, kid," of the Transmittens' Danny leaning over Jen's keyboard and blowing into a toy flute/piano while she coos a song about how she can't date a boy who doesn't believe in unicorns (pictures below).

Yes, Transmittens made their triumphant return to Larryville last night to play an early set for a strange mix of the usual hipsters and a rowdy contingent of mohawked punk rockers who were there to get trashed early in the evening before a late-night set by a group of Milwaukee punkers called Brutal Dildoes. During the evening, the Dildoes (with their own multi-hued mohawks) entertained themselves outside the venue by promoting their late-night show to scared civilians who were out for a pleasant evening stroll. "We.Are.Brutal.Dildoes!" they shouted at a group of sorostitutes, who greeted the information with displeased expressions which suggested that they preferred, when not being brutalized by actual frat-boy penises, to be gently and comfortably diddled by their trusty Rabbit Pearl vibrators.

Chip: "Okay, that last sentence is the the best line you've written in awhile, but at the same time I can see where this kind of crudeness got us banned from PayLess Shoe Headquarters in Topeka."

The aforementioned photo. Absolutely adorable!

Getting funky with a cute pink guitar and a little egg-shaker percussion!

Meanwhile, the punk fans played loud drinking games at the booth nearest the stage, drowning out some of the cuteness.


Like most of America, the boys spent a great deal of their weekend in a dark theater, thrilling to the exploits of boy-wizard Harry Potter and mourning the death of the beloved elder wizard Dumbledore (whose creator, JK Rowling, somewhat mysteriously and retrospectively declared the character to be gay, perhaps in an attempt to lead gullible academics to reread her work and produce important treatises such as "Polishing Our Wands: Homosexuality in Hogwart's.").

But what worthy film can we turn our attention to next? How about the certain-to-suck horror film called Orphan, which opens this Friday and is stirring up an unexpected controversy among adoption groups, some of which are urging a boycott of the film for its portrayal of an evil, murderous orphan named Esther (Warner Brothers, ever-sensitive, has even removed one offending line from the trailer: "It must be hard to love an adopted child as much as your own.").

Chip: "I don't think the film is suggesting that all adopted children are likely to turn on their foster parents in a murderous rampage, but just that it's something to seriously consider. It's a message film."


The boys have been searching for a new reality show to fill the vast void left by The Cougar and perhaps they have finally found one, premiering tonight on ABC, called Dating in the Dark. Basically, it's Big Brother in the dark, a show in which housemates "can fraternize only in a cave-like room devoid of all light" (LJ-World).

Chip: "So it sounds like we're going to be staring at a dark screen while listening to people make out, and then the situations will probably be discussed later while we all laugh hysterically about what happened? This sounds amazing, to be quite honest."

Richard: "This reminds me of that night I went in the groping booth with Tiffany Ng at the Bottleneck during Fetish Night, an experience that would have been wildly erotic if not for the random hipster hands poking through the holes in the booth and grabbing my ass."


supergroper said...

Nog should count himself lucky. Many people in this world never even know that such a thing exists as a grope booth exists, let alone have the pleasure of enjoying it for themselves.

cow clouds said...

I'm just waiting to see how the vote gets hijacked this time!

voter fraud said...

I still think the mysterious voting phenomenon here is the kind of thing only Dr. X and his hacking skills can engineer!

Oh, to grope and be groped at Fetish Night! Where have all the freaks gone in Larryville these days?

cuddlelumps said...

The Transmittens even have their own juice creation at The Juice Stop, called Unicorn Puke. They're everywhere!

Juice Stop Rocks! said...

Man, I wish we had a Juice Stop run by real hippies. The smoothie places out here are all corporate clones, and even the nominal juice stop, which is hard to get to and out of the way, is corporatizing. What's in unicorn puke?

unicorn puke said...

Unicorn Puke consists of whatever a unicorn has been eating, such as magical berries.

silly me said...

for asking