Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Lapdance Legislation / Hipster Pick of the Day

Readers, we direct your attention today to a rather serious matter with the potential to affect strip clubs and lapdances as we now know (and love) them.

Kansas legislature is considering passing a bill that would accomplish the following:

"Sexually oriented businesses would have to close from midnight to 6 a.m. Nudity would be outlawed, and dancers could be seminude but would have to remain at least 6 feet away from patrons" (LJ-World).

The bill would also prohibit tipping the dancers. Strip club owners are calling the proposal a "killer bill" designed to drive them out of business.

Chip: "I like my beer cold and my strippers buck naked and grinding in my lap. Day by day our rights as American citizens are vanishing."

Richard: "And how can someone like Anna Undercover make a living if I'm denied my right to lie down on the stage of The Outhouse with a dollar in my teeth?"

Captain Chanute: "And the midnight-closing time is absurd as well. Anyone who goes to a strip club PRIOR to midnight is probably some sort of pervert."


If you love male/female hipster duos but are tired of twee bands like the Transmittens, you might want to check out Cleveland's Mr. Gnome at the Replay this evening. Paste Magazine describes their sound: “ ethereal Icelandic fairies being pummeled by concrete guitars in a dirty Cleveland parking lot. AKA: awesome.”

And the band themselves offer this assessment:

"We are a duo from Cleveland, Ohio that plays indie/psychedelic/rock music. We like time travel, porn, beer, liquor, marijuana, John Titor, The Frogs, and The Marvelous Misadventures of Flapjack. We travel around the country in a sweet ass ride called, “the Silver Bullet” and we enjoy sleeping on random people’s couches."

Chip: "They're not welcome to my couch."


cut me to the quick said...

that is certainly a killer bill for strip clubs and hopefully will get defeated on the basis of personal freedom. A strip club is a private place, and only people inside the private location are able to see what goes on. How is anybody else affected?

chip said...

Tell me about it. There's a national furor over Arizona's illegal immigration legislation and no coverage at all of these human-rights violations.

Dr. ...Not South?!? said...

When will I become a featured fictious voice on this fucking thing?

I helped start it! I'm one of two original characters (Not like this Chip/ Poochie Bullshit!)I demand my voice be slandered and made to say funny shit about Kip on a semi-regular basis! (I don't always have time to do it myself and some of these new characters are not near up to Harry Lupis standards!)

Also: this no bitches in Kansas is simply another reason why Kansas fucking sucks! I was listening to Choke, as read by the author, with a naked bitches in lap while I drove across the county recently... and it was fucking perfect! Who the shit thinks that a place is better with women more clothed and not ass-humping my dog!?

Fucking fascism!

--And I want further development of comments only characters like the Kip-Fuckers! They were great fun!

the editorial board said...

Duly noted! But we have no real control on the comments-section. Sometimes the Chip-fuckers are out in force, and sometimes they are not.

long-time reader, first time commenter said...

It seems like there has been a decline in the doctor's featured in the Chronicles. Used to be there was a bevy of them, but now they have fallen away, largely replaced by unwisecracking buffoons. Even Nog is a doctor, but he conceals it.

I think the Chronicles are pitching lower than they used to, to humorous effect. Maybe it will be funny to see the Drs and buffoons get together.

Dr. Buffoon said...

Interesting ideas. Though there's also something to be said for the pure simplicity of the classic dual-character approach of Richard and Chip. Although rumor has it that Richard, the blog's voice of liberalism and hipsterism, is thinking of simply leaving Chip in charge, at which point he'll probably change the blog's title to something about Tea Parties.

Captain Supporter! said...

Are you all implying that Capt Chanute is low and unfunny? Untrue!

Sure he's base, seemingly uncultured and says things that make me blush, often. But he's kind of adorable too.

Long live the captain!

I WOULD fuck that pony! said...

I'll fuck that pony!