Sunday, August 29, 2010

Fried Beer!? / This Week in Vampire News / InkKC Chooses Their Hottest Reader

Readers, now that the first Final Friday is out of the way, and so is kickball season, we find ourselves with more time to focus on some other important stories that have caught our eye recently.

Perhaps the single most important piece of news we've heard this week regards a Texan named Mark Zable, who has invented "a concoction [that] traps beer inside a pretzel-like dough pocket shaped like a ravioli. When you bite it, beer pours out" (Pitchweekly).

Obviously, this guy is a genius. His invention is currently in competition for the Big Tex Choice Awards at the Texas State Fair. We wish him well.

Another of the week's odd stories is an important expose (reported on CBS News and the Washington Post) of an alarming new trend of teens biting each other (a trend presumed to be inspired by the Twilight novels, although we were under the impression that those books were about sparkly, sexless vampires who do not bite).

Chip: "Yeah, sorostitutes are increasingly fond of vampire roleplay as well, and I don't mind it, but I prefer when they are on Team Jacob, the werewolf team, because that gives me an excuse to howl while banging them, which I enjoy, and also to walk around shirtless a lot."


Although we were recently chastised by some of our Larryville townie readers for reporting too often on KC stories instead of focusing exclusively on the little bubble of Larryville, we admit to being intrigued by some of the goings-on in the big city, which we rarely visit but often study up on via Pitchweekly and InkKC. The latter just published the results of their "hottest reader" poll, and the winner is Sam Eubank, who sent in this (apparently impressive?) entry along with his photos:

“My name is Sam Eubank and I’m a 22-year-old recent college grad with a degree in Photography and International Studies. I’m hot because I stand as Creative Messiah on the Aren’t We Clever team (a business I co-own), I studied abroad in West Africa, I have Cougar Whispering down to a ‘T’, and I look really good with a camera hanging around my neck.”

Here's a picture. Ladies, is he hot or isn't he? And why can't do something vaguely interesting like having a "hottest reader" contest? Oh, yeah, it's because no longer has any readers!

Not everyone is impressed with "Blasty McNasty," however. In the on-line talkback, which consists of one comment thus far, sb53 says:

"this is such an embarassment to KC. this zero is beyond words. how in the fuck could KC vote some douche tool like this as it's hottest reader or hottest anything for that matter? fuck you INK. we're done. and I'm sure you're not far behind your loser of a parent KC Star. it's exactly shit like this that disgraces KC."


Anonymous said...

I get how "ironic" or "funny" Ink was TRYING to be, but despite understanding their motivates, it still doesn't work. Try again, Ink.

Power and Light! said...

Ink works best when it's simply offering photographs of hot women at the Jones Pool.

right hurr said...

Wtf is up with this shit? Tired of "grown-up men" bitching about how they can't get a date in this town. Maybe it's because they're dicks?

that guy IS a dick said...

And his grammar isn't up to par:

"I may come across as an asshole and a guy with issues, but rest assure, I don't have a complex of any sort. I just like to ridicule stupid people. The world would be much better off if IQ tests were required for people whom plan to procreate someday."

Anonymous said...

Dear Bitches,

Henceforth, I will be known as Blasty 'Fuckin'' McNasty.

I also wear my fedora better and not like some Panama bitch who needs me to drive deep us his asshole with a sewersnake to pull his fucking head out.

He may be a bitch, but Shit Dickey doesn't deserve to die human centipedeing himself. What a dong cocker. Finally, someone who out shitties Kip/ Chip/ Flip.