Tuesday, August 3, 2010

The Changing Face of Downtown Larryville / Ridiculous Beer of the Week / Twitter Pick of the Day

Just when you thought the Oread Inn was the most preposterous eyesore in town along comes plans for a "seven-story, $10 million building that will house 55 apartments and a mix of retail and office space [health club, wine bar, coffee shop] at Ninth and New Hampshire streets" (LJ-World).

The project is the talk of the town today on the LJ-World site and on Twitter, with most townies upset primarily for two reasons:

1) the loud construction is likely to interrupt their important discussions on the patio at the Pig (main discussion topic: Arcade Fire's The Suburbs).

2) the building will eliminate the outdoor movie nights previously projected on the wall of the parking garage.

Chip: "Surely there are plenty of other walls in town on which to watch ancient Cary Grant films. Or, better yet, silly townies can start watching DVD's at home, under the air conditioning, like normal people."

Larryville developer and well-known local villain Doug Compt.n offers this quote in today's LJ-World:

“From what we’ve heard, it seems to be exactly what everybody who has any interest in downtown says they want to see."

Well, you didn't hear it from us, Compt.n! What we want for downtown is what we've always wanted: a fast-food fried chicken franchise; another Quinton's on the south-end of Mass. Street; and an upscale urban titty bar.


Like most citizens of Larryville, we like to pretend like Free State beer is the greatest beer in the universe. But occasionally we get a craving for something a little...weirder. Our new favorite is from a UK company called Brew Dog, whose mission statement is: "At BrewDog we want to push the boundaries and challenge people’s perceptions about what beer is and how it can be enjoyed."

Their new brew is called The End of History:

"This blond Belgian ale is infused with nettles from the Scottish Highlands and Fresh juniper berries. Only 12 bottles have been made and each comes with its own certificate and is presented in a stuffed stoat or grey squirrel."

Sadly, the 12 bottles sold before we had time to order. But if you know anyone who managed to obtain a bottle, please get in touch with us, because we will pay damn near any price to taste that dead-squirrel beer!

No, we're not making this shit up. Check them out at www.brewdog.com


Twitter continues to delight and inform us. Our favorite new Twitter feed is a wonderfully silly parody of gourmet-burger pretentiousness called The Burger Lords. We find it absolutely essential for this era in which such gourmet burger joints keep sprouting up across the land like so many obnoxious little mushrooms of the sort one might find on a gourmet burger.

Here are a couple of their better entries:

"Highland lamb haggis burger (w/ trout chutney) grilled by resident Robert Burns scholar, served in a secluded lagoon of single malt whisky."

"Mink Burger blanketed in truffle buttered micro greens, served on a Gabriel Garcia Marquez novel* (*One Hundred Years of Solitude – add $2)"

"Sunday special: Maple smoked pheasant burger with caviar chutney and vintage micro-greens, accompanied by a violin concerto (in-house only)."

Keep it up, Burger Lords. We love your work.

Follow them here: http://twitter.com/TheBurgerLords


Anonymous said...

Hey anonymous from yesterday...write your own daily "snarky" blog so you can have exactly what you want. It seems you have a vision. Maybe you'll even get a few readers. Richard is the hippest of the hipsters!!

pick a name, you sonsabitches! said...

Seriously, though, we agree with THIS Anonymous. Anyone can be "snarky." What this world needs is a mix of genteel hipster humor, boner jokes, and maybe the occasional tasteful nude.

Anonymous said...


First of all, Fuck. All. Of. You (smelly sumbitches)...

If ANYONE owns the anonymous around here, it's my black ass. And if you don't like that shit -- I will personally skullfuck you with this crazy fucking thing I bought at Hobbs. It might be a lamp; I might need to stick my dick in it... but, off the back of your useless ass, it's perfect.

It might be one of those weirdass mannequins that are kinda hot but you don't know if it's a shedummy or a hedummy... FUCK YOU--It matters.

Now, back to the issue at hand. This new shitshack Dong Cumstump is erecting -hah- ... Fuck you, it's funny. ...is great. As much as I enjoy going to the Jayhawker, where you shitstains aren't allowed, drink martinis and fuck beautiful women that don't smell like a fucking busker -- I also enjoy doing this at new establishments as well.

I applaud this new local venue where I will fuck much lay, and it furthers my pleasure to know that other hipster establishments are falling. Contrarily, I want all my meats served to me on a piece of literature... or a hot Latin chick.

Now, you know. And knowing is 3/4s way to my fuck and you.


@BARRR said...

What will we do if we can't see more movies starring Cary Grant?! A little diversity might've brought me downtown for those movie nights....boring. Also...this building has been in the works for a while....why the hubbub now? They can now show the same old B&W films on the side of the Arts Center....next. Also...Anonymous dude doesn't bother me...but none of the bravado is clever without a name behind it you fucking troll....this isn't 1993....get a screen name pussy!

mystery solved said...

We're pretty sure that this particular Anonymous is named...Dr. X! He fucks much lay.

And, yeah, we haven't been to Downtown Movie Night since the noirs were replaced by Hepburn and Tracy and Grant. (Chip: "Never heard of any of 'em.").

Anonymous said...

My black ass...

Fuck much lay...

Dude has many catchphrases to be so Anonymous.