But since we haven't had a reader in many days (despite tittie pictures and a discussion of The Human Centipede!), we don't know what you want to hear about. So we're just going to consider Justn Cronin's new post-apocalyptic vampire/zombie novel The Passage.
The Passage has already been annointed by virtually every media-outlet as the book of the summer, a behemoth (766 pages) of a page-turner about a little girl in post-apocalyptic America pursued by hordes of "virals," who are "hairless, insectile, glow-in-the-dark mutations" (interweb). The Passage netted Cronin, a former winner of the PEN/Hemingway award, a $3.75 million book deal. Is Cronin just slumming, wanting to cash in on the recent vampire/zombie craze? Or is the book truly awesome? We'll let you know 766 pages from now. But here's the first line to get you hooked:
"Before she became the Girl From Nowhere--the One Who Walked In, the First and Last and Only, who lived a thousand years--she was just a little girl in Iowa, named Amy."
Laura Miller, in Salon, says that the book proves it's still "possible to write a novel that revels in narrative momentum and pop mythos while still honoring the textures of real people, places and things."
Chip: "Praise it all you like, if a book's first sentence does not pass my 'boner test' of good fiction, I'm unlikely to proceed."
Richard: "The only question for me is whether I'll read this before or after I read Brains: A Zombie Memoir, which is written as a first-person account from a 'rare sentient zombie.' Enjoy this excerpt:
"I forgave the humans for hunting me, as I forgave myself for eating them. Like Anne Frank, in spite of everything, I still believed we are all really good at heart."
6 comments:
He fell for the boy, Nog and apparently thought the rainbow coalition was a tangible pair of testicles dangling off the side of the edifice.
Alright, fucknuts.
I bought this piece of shit, and I had better be fucking riveted from my dick to my dick cosy every fucking page of 760... or it's an assbeating for KIp... and a nice evening of Spongebob Squarepants: the movie for Big Dick.
And where was this titty mentioned? I saw no fucking titty! Believe me -- if there is titty -- preferably ass and titty (I'm friends with Adrienne Curry on Twitter... I love speaking with her about both of hers) -- my shit is here and britchesless.
But I like the book column -- I think it should be more regular as I have little time for salon.com, and I would prefer if Noggle just tells me what's new, hip and shitty to read.
--Now, pardon me while I read about.. the fuck I know.
PS -- Would it kill anyone to get those photos of Beth and Shelley in bikinis on here? Cripes! Where's the fucking investigative journalism!?!
I predict The Passage is at least twice as awesome as Blood Oath: The President's Vampire (or maybe just twice as long). But three times LESS awesome than Harry Lupus: Boy Vampire.
And there was (artistic) tittie on display yesterday!
Of course I meant to say "Harry Lupus: Boy Werewolf" (fuck vampires!).
And I think our female readership disappeared entirely somewhere during Masturbation Month.
I hate Lady Gaga.
If your book is a 766-page vampire story, I'll put 5:7 narrative momentum is not its strong point.
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