Today we offer a rare treat with one of our occasional Craigslist tone-poems, in which we artfully arrange sentences from Craigslist "Missed Connections" and "Rants and Raves" into a powerful collage of longing, lust, and furious anger. Enjoy.
I looked at you, but I don't know if you looked back at me.
I do remember that you were probably pretty hot.
I slowed down and whistled but you flipped me off.
Met you last night at the Eldridge and arm wrestled at closing time.
You-female clerk, dark hair, glasses, named after a western city.
You followed me to the bathroom and showed me your very hung package.
You came into my check out lane and you had a wallet made of maps
Your smile is really nice, probably u had a nose ring
You were black. You had a nametag, so I know your name.
You asked if I wanted mustard and I couldn't muster the words to say:
I WANTED MUSTARD WIT DAT ASS!!
This is to all the inconsiderate pieces of cow dung at the Southwind Theatre during The Conjuring.
My aforementioned brains were almost excavated by some m.f.a.h. on a cellphone.
Like seriously there is no point in shaving my pussy if he's not going to touch it til it's all prickly again.
Though I am not a religious person at all, I sincerely hope you Burn in Hell.
Put Rock Chalk in subject. Into white trash guys.
Tell me how I was holding my baby so I know it's you.
If you would like to have sex with me (hit the skins) please respond here.
Let me know if you want to fuck
Readers, have you been searching for a band from Top City that's into Buddy Holly and Chuck Berry and roller derby? We have! Luckily, we just discovered Chris Aytes and the Good Ambition. Dig some tunes via Bandcamp and catch them at the Replay tonight.