Well, pack your bags, Chip, because 8360 (sudden) fans filed into the Fieldhouse to watch the Lady Jayhawks defeat Illinois State. Today's LJ-World is bursting with news of the victory, including a prediction from the coach that Saturday's championship game might actually draw a full house if everyone who attended last night would only bring a single friend.
Chip: "First off, friends don't bring friends to women's basketball. Second, I hope people will remember that the real Final Four is on TV that day. And third, it's sad to see my daily paper full of such 'news' when this time of year should be bringing me nonstop, important coverage of whether Sherron 'Elevator Cock' Collins and Cole 'the Sheriff' Aldrich will return next year or go pro."
On April 7, Larryville citizens (or somewhere around 10% of them) will head to the polls to elect new City Commissioners. What qualities do the boys look for in a local leader?
Richard: "The most important issue to me right now is hedgehog rights. We've made them legal, now we've got to keep them legal. And I also want someone who will fight to make it legal for me to own other, even more ridiculous animals, such as badgers. Or maybe bobcats. My pick for City Commissioner is Tom Johnson, general manager of KJHK, because I assume he'll do good things for local hipsters, such as maybe reducing the price of PBR at the Replay by a quarter, or making sure that the Transmittens play at least a gig per month."
Chip: "My primary concern right now is local violence. I'm looking for someone who will shut down Club Axis and bring in a better, safer establishment there, such as perhaps a new Quinton's. I've seen enough sweet titties in this town to believe that Larryville can easily support two Quinton's."
The boys love April, National Poetry Month, and the LC plans plenty of poetry coverage this month, including a special edition of Harry Lupus in verse (Cl.thier?) and an event in which the boys read some of their favorite poems, such as Paul Muldoon's "Hedgehog." Here's an excerpt:
Shares its secret with no one.
We say, Hedgehog, come out
Of yourself and we will love you.
We mean no harm. We want
Only to listen to what
You have to say. We want
Your answers to our questions.