Friday, April 24, 2009

"Gentleman, Turn and Face Your Cougar!": Episode Two Recap / Plus, This Week in Sports News!

This week on "The Cougar," the one-on-one dates began between the cougar and her remaining suitors. While there were several hot and heavy makeout sessions, no one has gotten laid so far. Are the boys still engrossed?

Chip: "Yes, but I still find the premise to be odd. Cougars don't date. They go to a bar, pounce on a young bobcat like myself, and drag him home to do with him what they please. I've bedded a lot of cougars in my time, and the closest we've ever come to a 'date' is stopping at Jensen's to buy a bottle of Boone's Apple Farm on the way from the bar to the cougar's trailer."

Richard: "The most touching moment in this week's episode was when the cougar 'dismissed' a couple of the suitors from the house because they didn't seem sufficiently mature in their approach to dating an older woman. Stacey seems to be a rare cougar looking for true love with a younger man instead of just wild jungle-cat sex. Sadly, she's forgotten that all of the men are only there because they want to fuck her and be on television for a few months."

Chip: "I find myself falling a little bit in love with this cougar."

Richard: "I think we all are, Chip. I think we all are."


Yesterday was a huge day for KU basketball fans: Xavier Henry, one of the nation's top recruits, finally committed to KU after a wild, protracted recruiting process. Local talkbackers seem to believe that this virtually assures a 2010 NCAA Championship for the Jayhawks.

Chip: "Henry's committal is huge news and it's absolutely ridiculous that we didn't cancel class today to celebrate. We're just not a basketball school anymore. The baseball team is ranked now, for God's sake. Baseball is the new women's basketball around here."


cl.thier said...

"Stacey seems to be a rare cougar looking for true love with a younger man instead of just wild jungle-cat sex."

Is this, ultimately, really just a revelation of the "myth" of the cougar? Yes, we'd all like to think there are incredibly hot 40ish women roaming random bars, prowling swanky nightspots, just looking for hot, no-strings-attached "wild jungle-cat sex," but is it really just a ploy, a front to lure attractive young men into a conventional domestic relationship with an aging woman afraid of being a spinster? In the end, is the "cougar" a strategy devised by women to play into male sexual fantasies reminiscent of the "Mrs. Robinson Scenario"? I mean, after crazy cougar sex, is said lady going to get up, saunter into the bathroom, open up her days-of-the-week pillbox, and pop some calcium tablets to fend off osteoporosis and estrogen pills to level out those post-menopausal hormones? Is the cougar den really a sex palace, or just a carefully designed trap? My heart says sex den, but my mind screams a warning. Wait, did I say my heart? Wrong muscle all together.

big game hunter said...

Way to shatter our illusions, Cl.thier. I must believe in the "sex dens!"

Nice post. I may use it in later Cougar installments!

Also: what's this I hear about a soccer riot?

Mindi said...

Point of Information on this whole cougar thing: Clearly, what defines a cougar is the nature of the relationship - for the cougar, it's about sex. That's not my question, though I think we can safely say cougars exist, just maybe not in the numbers you all think (or wish) they do.

My question is: how old does a woman have to be to be a cougar, and how young (i.e. what's the minimum age difference) does the *bobcat* need to be for this *relationship* to be an encounter with a cougar?

bobcat said...

Well, the minimal age difference on the show is about 12 years (she's 40; some of the guys are 28). But there are no hard and fast rules here, so long as everyone gets laid.

cl.thier said...

That's the thing, Mindi...I think as the legend of the cougar continues to grow, women who initially didn't fit the stereotype might find the "role" of the cougar an effective strategy to lure younger men into false cougar relationships - a bait and switch if you will. The guy thinks he's scoring with a hot cougar, and he really just ends up with Meryl Streep's character from Mamma Mia!

Mindi said...

Well, I had a bit of this clarified for me last night by a friend whose brother works for a tv show about cougars, and which I just realized might actually be the show we are discussing.

Anyway...the cougar is financially better off than her younger counterpart (either via divorce or hard work, though whose to say divorce isn't hard work), and must be at least 42?! The boytoy/bobcat should be in his 20s.

Meryl Streep from Mama Mia! That might be a bit disappointing.

cl.thier said...

"Might" be a bit disappointing? That depends on if vomit-inducing is a disappointment, or if you're into vomit in a sexy sort of way.

So are you saying Richard is officially out of Bobcat contention?

old bobcat said...

Yeah, I think I'm out of bobcat range, unless I chase the 50 year old women.

"They are too...leathery." --Chip