Saturday, April 18, 2009

"Gentlemen, Here's Your Cougar": The Boys Watch Reality TV! / Plus, Earth Day Approaches!

The boys rarely watch television except for Frontline and Charlie Rose. They prefer NPR ("It's just more...cerebral than TV." --Chip). But because they seek to understand pop culture and modern sexuality, they have decided to watch TV Land's new reality series The Cougar. As you know, the premise of The Cougar involves twenty young men, ranging in age from 23 to 28 or so, vying for the love of the "cougar", Stacey, a 40 year old mother of four. In our first episode, the suitors were introduced to "their cougar" by host Vivica A. Fox (a bit of a cougar herself). The cougar explained that she was liked young men because they, like her, were "in their prime," and that one of her primary concerns was the "bedroom" part of the relationship. The show culminated in a "kiss off," in which each young man stepped forward and the cougar either allowed herself to be kissed or "gave them her cheek," thereby ejecting them from the competition. Fifteen men remain, and the boys are fucking hyped about next week!

Chip: "If the first week contains something as titillating as a 'kiss off," I can only imagine that future episodes will feature a segment in which the men line up and proceed to, how should I put this, give Stacey oral pleasure. Readers, this may sound crude, but I think we can all agree that the men's talents 'down there' is something Stacy will need to discover right away and that we, the viewers, need to witness for ourselves to better judge which suitor is best suited to please this sexually ravenous old lady."

Richard: "This series works as both a sensitive meditation on youth and aging and a complex examination of modern sexual mores. Also, the cougar is sort of hot and I'd totally bone her."


Now that the Wakarusa Festival has been banned from Kansas, local hippies don't have much to do in a town that caters more to hipsters. But the next few days are major. This morning brought us Larryville's annual Earth Day parade, in which many of the town's dirtier citizens took to their bicycles bearing banners urging us to save the wetlands (pictured below: an electric car powered by the driver's sense of self-satisfaction!). The parade proceeds to South Park for more festivities, which Richard is expected to cover later today.

Then Monday, of course, is one of the most important hippie days of the year, which they refer to as "4/20, dude!" The holiday "originated at San Rafael High School, in 1971, among a group of about a dozen pot-smoking wiseacres who called themselves the Waldos, who are now pushing 50. The term was shorthand for the time of day the group would meet, at the campus statue of Louis Pasteur, to smoke pot. Intent on developing their own discreet language, they made 420 code for a time to get high, and its use spread among members of an entire generation." ( On Monday, almost every hippie will smoke weed, just as they do on virtually every other day of the year. Will the boys celebrate by toking up and heading down to Papa Keno's. Perhaps.

Wednesday finally brings Earth Day itself. But no one around here really cares by that point.

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