Saturday, January 10, 2009

The LC's Weekly Hedgehog Update! / Plus, The Boys' Book Club's Continuing Consideration of How To Love Like a Hot Chick!

The accomplishments of young Judson King in securing domestic hedgehog rights for Larryville has been well-documented here (and every other local publication), but his increasing celebrity status and media appearances have made it a bit hard to keep up with all the developments. The LC hopes to become your one-stop shop for all things related to this important story: we'll synthesize the salient points of the numerous LJ-World profiles and editorial discussions to make things easier for our readers.

After numerous local interviews (such as a spot on "Fox and Friends"), Judson has now seen his story appear on CNN and has been invited to appear on two California talk shows (domestic hedgehogs remain illegal in California: who says they're progressive out there?). Opinions in local editorial pages range from the impressed(an old codger wrote in this week praising Judson as a shining example of youthful industriousness in an age where most young whippersnappers are lazy, no-good punks) to the nervous (an ecologically-minded citizen worries that Larryvillians will all get hedgehogs, which will then escape and wreak ecological havoc by eating local snails and upsetting the precarious natural balance of the town).

And how has Judson's legislative victory changed the boys?

Chip: "I purchased a hedgehog myself, which I named 'Little Chip,' which was formerly the nickname of my penis. Now I suppose I'll need a new moniker for my johnson."

Richard: "In these desperate economic times, a pet hedgehog can be a real source of comfort. Unfortunately, the little fuckers are expensive."


Readers, you may be growing weary of our consideration of "How to Love Like a Hot Chick," but there are only two more steps to consider in the authors' overall plan. Here is the next one:

"Step 3: Get What You Want

The next step to loving like a Hot Chick is to figure out what you want and do everything you can to get it. Since we always want to be ready to get some kisses, we prepare ourselves with Booty Parlor's Kissaholic Kissing Kit. This revolutionary kit leaves our lips plump and kissable and gives us sweet, fresh breath that helps us feel confident even in the face of an unexpected make-out moment. Our favorite shade is "Swoon," but all three leave us ready to do exactly that!"

Richard: "Here we get to the heart of the matter, female empowerment, which of course begins with pleasing a man."

Chip: "I've made do all these years without a 'kissing kit.' I just pucker up and go for broke."


probably... Candel@ria. said...

What's Larryville's progressive stance on 'prickly love'?

--Someday, I'll coddle my johnson much like it too was a fun-loving hedgehog.

hurts so good said...

Hedgehog sex has not yet entered the news. But just wait till these varmints become more prominent. Sooner or later, a local citizen will bang one.

The Italian Stallion said...

And... by local citizen, you clearly me, Kip.

...and his loaf of 'crusty bread.'