Tuesday, January 6, 2009

The Boys Answer Reader Questions!

Q: "In 2008, due to overwhelming reader demand, you promised us stories about cute baby animals. Aside from the recent hedgehog material--and hedgehogs are hardly cute--there hasn't been much here to please us animal fans. What happened?

Richard: "Sadly, it sometimes happens that what readers want conflicts with what we want...which is basically stories about pretty women, boner jokes, and examination of hipster culture. However, please enjoy this picture of a family of foxes which took up residence in East Larryville last year. It made the LJ-World's list of the year's best photos:

Chip: "The Eastsiders sure did love those foxes, but I don't think it occurred to them that foxes are the mortal enemies of 'urban chickens.' "

Q: What changes are in store for the LC in 2009?

Richard: "Well, we certainly intend to devote a lot of time to my preparations for banging a sorostitute in the campus fountain. For instance, I'm currently learning to hold my breath under water for extended periods of time, in case she expects me to 'go diving,' if you catch my meaning. But we also have other things in mind. We intend to do more in-depth, 'field reporting,' in which Chip and myself actually attend numerous hipster shows and art openings, instead of just making fun of them from afar. And we're also working on a new feature in which we analyze not just hipster bands, but their press materials, particularly music reviews from hipster publications like Pitchfork. Here's a quick example, from a review of a Minneapolis band called Gay Beast, slated to play the Replay this weekend:

"Their attack is vicious and weird, processing their robotic fortunes under sheets of electronic duress, but their balance is impeccable." Dusted Magazine

Many of these examples will be funny enough they barely need our commentary. But we'll often comment as well."

Chip: "I don't understand the review. Are they actually robots, or aren't they? Here's another blurb: they "studiously avoid aural polish." They sure do! Even their Myspace hurt my ears [www.myspace.com/gaybeast]. My field reporting for the LC will consist primarily of me going to barn-dances in south Kansas...although I may also attend the Li'l Wayne show in KC this weekend. His rhymes are real fresh."

Richard: "My first excursion is likely to be the Percolator's weekend event called "Campfire: A Storytelling Experiment." I suspect they will actually be having a campfire, surrounded by performance artists."

Chip: "It's really hard to imagine anything less appealing, isn't it? If their fire gets out of hand on a cold and windy winter night, I hope it doesn't spread further than their art gallery, although I suppose there's really not that much along the 9th street block that I enjoy except the Red Lyon."

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