Tuesday, January 27, 2009

The Boys Consider 3-D Porn, the Digital Changeover, and More Hipster Music Criticism! (Plus, a New Contest!).

Hong Kong filmmakers are currently hard (!) at work on a 3-D porn film called Sex and Zen: "Just imagine that you'll be watching it as if you were sitting beside the bed," Stephen Shiu Jnr told the Sunday Morning Post. "There will be many close-ups. It will look as if the actresses are only a few centimetres from the audience."

Are the boys excited?

Chip: "I always sit up close to the screen while watching porn anyway. What's the difference? Oh, I'm sure the film will have some fun with 3-D boner humor, but who wants a boner in the eye?"

Richard: "Agreed. I'm waiting for some sort of virtual pornographic theatrical experience in which we don virtual reality suits and actually physically experience this sex and zen for ourselves, the sex moreso than the zen, although I'm sure the zen is nice too."

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He may not have solved the recession quite yet but, at Obama's urging, the Senate has effectively delayed next month's "changeover" to all-digital broadcasting by four months.

Chip: "Finally, he's done something right. I assure you that Forttt Scottt is not ready to give up their rabbit ears, nor will they ever be."

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Musical collectives are so hot in the hipster world right now, and on Friday Replay patrons will get to experience some of the magic for themselves as the many members of Portland's Musee Mecanique come to town with 'singing saws' and glockenspiels.

Here are some of the influences they list on their Myspace page: "Hildegaard von Bingen, succulents, Portland rain, Spherical Harmonics, Bernard Hermann... Jean Luc Godard, vacuum tubes, Michel Gondry, The Sherman Bros., Stan Brakhage, Wes Anderson... Country Songbirds...".

And here is a review from Soundcheck magazine:

" 'Hold This Ghost' is an album for those of us who revel in brooding postmodern novels – the kind that when finished leave you wondering whether to hold the book to your chest and sob or just stare at the ceiling and think. You’ll feel soothed, then uneasy. Romanced, then abandoned. But never, ever bored."

Chip: "When I read a postmodern novel my first reaction is to sob for the sorry state of American letters and reread My Antonia."

Infuriated by the band's description, lone local troubadour Matt "I don't need no stinkin' collective" Cl.thier was inspired to take a break from poetry and diaper-changing and send in his own parody of hipster music criticism. Here it is:

"Bourgeois Boudoir combines postmodern music theory with Victorian-era themes, all while conveying a shimmering Romantic ethos. In addition, Derridean wordplay and Surrealistic "cadavre exquis" songwriting and live performances make Bourgeois Boudoir, in the words of Loped Out G, one of BB's 38 members, 'The fucking shit.' You can see the middle class kings of the bedroom tomorrow at The Replay from 1:05 to 1:09."

Think you can top him? Send in your own parody for a chance to win a free PBR from Richard. And check out Cl.thier's non-collective performance at the Yacht Club this Friday night, the day after 'Kansas Day," in which he'll be performing an entire set of Kansas covers!

5 comments:

Kansa said...

Actually, all Kansas covers will be rolled into one mind-blowing Kansas medley, in which the entire popular Kansas oeuvre is explored.*




*Essentially this means I will play the first bars of "Dust in the Wind," mumble the chorus to "Carry on My Wayward Son" - no one wants to hear "People of the South Wind" or "Hold On".

wayward son said...

Hipsters want to hear them played in a very respectful, irony-free manner, which makes it all the more ironic.

leeward son said...

Meta-irony is my irony of choice.

cl.thier said...

Looks like I'm winning this contest going away!

PBR said...

Prepare to taste the sweet nectar of hipster-victory!