Chip: "I thought that all local musicians earned their primary income from part-time jobs at Love Garden and Burrito King. I know that I'd much rather eat a burrito served by most local singer-songwriters than listen to their 'sensitive' tunes."
Richard: "So it's possible to make a living solely by being a Transmitten? Then I want to be a Transmitten! I could totally write adorable lyrics about 'cow-clouds' and 'sparklemittens.'"
Today we continue our look at the dating guide called "How to Love Like a Hot Chick." Here's some advice from the authors:
"Step 2: Boost Your Sexy Confidence
To start loving like a Hot Chick, first you need to squash your LSE (Low Self Esteem), and Booty Parlor's Luminizing Body Butter with Pheromones is our ultimate confidence-boosting secret weapon. It is infused with a powerful pheromone that makes us feel instantly irresistible, not to mention soft and infinitely touchable. So squash that LSE and start feeling like the luscious man-magnet that you are with this flirty little secret. We won't tell!"
Richard: "It's interesting how works with supposedly 'feminist' agendas manage to employ seemingly 'sexist' language toward their own goals of empowerment, but it certainly doesn't work for men: when Chip and I use phrases like 'luscious man-magnets' at Quinton's, the ladies don't always like it."
Chip: "This Booty Parlor Body Butter sounds nice. I love a woman who smells like butter."
So you may be asking yourself at this point: What is Booty Parlor? Well, our research reveals that it's an on-line sex shop specializing in items for the ladies, such as "Turn Me On Vibrating Panties":
"For the ultimate in sexy dates, wear them to intimate dinners, crowded parties, sporting events, on the dance floor or at the movies... it's your sexy secret!
Gentlemen- With great power comes great responsibility! Your new remote control allows you to turn her on at the touch of a button!"
Richard: "See, this is the kind of thing that leads me to believe that every woman on the street is probably wearing these things. It's a nice thought."
Chip: "This remote control accessory sounds great for occasions when I want to watch the game and my lady friends want to get romantic. I can just give them a little zap here and there till halftime rolls around."