Thursday, November 20, 2008

Today in Local News: Larryville Gets Nuclear! / Plus, The Boys Pick of the Day: Midnight "Twilight" Screening! / And Kansas City vs. Topeka Rap!

In 1983, Larryville gained national attention as the setting of the made-for-TV movie The Day After, which examined the effects on Larryvillians of a nuclear detonation in the KC area [in 2006, Larryville once again provided a setting for a post-nuclear television series called Jericho, leading North Larryville to change its name to Jericho for a day as a promotional stunt]. Tonight Larryville celebrates its nuclear past as Liberty Hall presents a special screening of The Day After and a conversation with its director and producer (star Steve Guttenberg is not slated to attend).

Chip: "I love Guttenberg's work in Police Academy IV: Citizens on Patrol."

Richard: "Television movies are not hip. When will Larryville celebrate Carnival of Souls, which is obviously the best movie filmed here?"


The much-anticipated film Twilight, based on the bestselling series of tween vampire novels, premieres at midnight tonight. Will the boys be there?

Richard: "You bet! I'm counting on the midnight show keeping the kids away, which means that the crowd should be almost entirely composed of awkward gothy twenty-something women who want to fuck vampires. I might even be able to convince one of them I am a vampire, which would give me a good excuse to leave her apartment before daylight so I won't have to eat breakfast with her and her cat, which she's likely named Edward Cullen."


One question the boys love to debate while out on the town is: Which restaurant's waitresses are hottest? Another is: Which is better--KC rap or Topeka rap? With everyone currently excited about this weekend's major Tech N9ne concert in KC, the boys turn once again to this issue.

Chip: "I favor KC. Tech N9ne is hardcore. And look at the lyrics of his song "The Waitress":

"I want a raspberry lemonade, baby, and whatever yo name is on the side
You speak unique, beautiful teeth I just peeped
It's makin me weak to the point I can't even eat
Cause you give me butterflies, them butter thighs need to be publicized...

But I'm thinkin you should be in movies and this you need to quit
Then suddenly under my table I got a kick"

Here he captures the very emotions I often feel at Quinton's. In that last line, I believe he's talking about a boner.

Also, the Topeka rap fans have given local hardcore rap a bad name. Remember how they used to come in and shoot up the Last Call every weekend. That shit was dangerous. With a Tech N9ne show, there's about a 90% chance you won't get shot at." (Chipnote: A Tek-9 is a machine gun.").

Richard: "Oh, but you're completely neglecting the new, hipster-oriented rap scene out of Topeka, led by Stik Figa, the winner of last year's Farmer's Ball. He's always kicking it, hipster-style, down at the Jackpot. And here's how KJHK describes him:

"He proudly reps his home of Topeka ("Top-City!") and raps about real things: being a nerd, being broke, and being dope."

If he's approved by KJHK, he's approved by me. I vote Topeka over KC."


mrs. cl.thier said...

Bet you never realized that "Citizens on Patrol," as an acronym, is "C.O.P." Just when you think the Police Academy series couldn't get any more layered and complex, they go and pull off something as subtle and sublime as this, right under our noses! Combine this with the nuanced and conflicted acting performance delivered by one Mr. Bobcat Goldthwait, and you have pure cinematic genius. Move over, Citizen Kane, here come Citizens on Patrol!

e8g8t is e8ou8h said...

While I can't comment on the quality of either rap scenes (is there even such a thing as "rap" any more, or has "hip-hop" become the catch-all term?), I would like to express my dismay at the typography / orthography of Mr. "N9ne"'s name. While I'm all for letters standing in for numbers (who can forget Sinead O'Connor's stirring cover of the Prince song, "Nothing Compares 2 U"?!), shouldn't the substitute symbol at least vaguely represent the replaced letter or word?! I mean, come on, the number 9 doesn't even come close to looking like an "i"! Why even bother with the "n_ne"? Why not just use "9" and get it over with?! e.e. cummings is not impressed, and neither am I.

tech n9ne said...

Hey E8g8t, say that to my face, punkass!

the lc welcome committee said...

Wow, Mrs. Clothier, this is a rare appearance!


And very nice analysis of PA IV. Here at the LC, we've always been partial to the Mission to Moscow installment, but it may indeed be time to revisit C.O.P!

Dr. S-- said...

Is no one goingto mention exactly how hot Mrs. Cl-thier is on this thing? I mean... GEEZ, let's just avoid the tanned, svelte elephant (in metaphor only) in the room a bit more.

So, I'll say.

Day-um! That's one hot mommy!

--I feel unclean but better for the honesty of the board!