Richard: "I stand by my comments that Transmittens have the most hipster appeal, and I have two theories on why they lost:
1) The hipsters simply chose not to vote for them because mainstream appeal makes you inherently unhip.
2) The hipsters got drunk on PBR and left for the TapRoom immediately after Transmittens' set, forgetting to vote.
So, who won this year's competition? It was a solo singer/songwriter named Hawley Shoffer, a bit surprising since her name doesn't even rhyme (a la Suzannes Johannes, a previous winner). But Hawley's short set of keyboards, ukulele, and kazoo proved irrestistable this year ("She had me at kazoo"--Richard).
Richard: "She seemed like a somewhat interesting, mousy kind of indie-chick who would probably want to light some scented candles, drink cheap red wine, and listen to Iron and Wine. I'd bang her."
Also on the bill for the final evening were local hip-hoppers Def Ear and Chairman D, featuring one of Richard's former students who promised to "spit some mad English-major rhymes" for Richard---and fulfilled that promise with a song called "Pimp Shit."
Richard: "I'm always vaguely disturbed to see hipsters enjoying hip-hop. We're all just so painfully white."
Chip: "Some folks in South Kansas were saying that Obama was going to replace the National Anthem with Public Enemy's "Fight the Power." Is that true?"
Richard: "I don't think so, Chip."
So, is Richard a hipster, or isn't he?
Richard: "I was drinking Shiner Bock, not PBR. My verdict: not a hipster.
Chip: "Didn't you also see a 'secret' show by Junior Brown at Liberty Hall last night? That kind of word-of-mouth, I-was-there-and-you-weren't kind of bullshit is totally within the realm of the hipster. I think you're one of them."
Junior Brown's hat: