Wednesday, November 19, 2008

The Boys Consider Larryville's 'Homeless Problem' / Plus, Why Are Local Hipsters Upset and Confused Today? / Also:Cereal Bars; Sexiest Man Alive; etc

With the city fathers currently planning to crack down further on downtown panhandling, a debate has (unsurprisingly) erupted among locals in the editorial pages of the LJ-World. A woman last week weighed in with a list of homeless offenses she and her children have supposedly witnessed on their excursions downtown, such as homeless folks smoking crack and a homeless man masturbating in the alley near the Salvation Army. Her claims have since been attacked and disputed in several other editorials. Is she simply a homeless-hater spreading lies?

Richard: "Homeless people are constantly stereotyped as public masturbators, but I think this is largely a perception created by the media. Hell, for all we know the woman spotted Chip rubbing a quick one out on his walk home after seeing an especially hot waitress at Quinton's."

Chip: "Actually, I rarely walk home past the Salvation Army, but your point is well-taken. I don't think I'm wrong in saying that we've all beat off in an alley on occasion. It doesn't necessarily mean we're homeless. But I do think the city needs to crack down on panhandlers. Couldn't we round them up and keep them in a little pen downtown?"

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With no warning, hipsters across Larryville yesterday logged onto their favorite site, Lawrence.com, and found it unexpectedly...different, with a whole new layout of local band and art info. Let's look at some comments from actual hipsters on the site:

"You've turned this website into a fucking joke."

"Everything looks the same, even if it refers to something different."

"I don't like the font for the "lawrence.com." Please bring back the other one"

"The main page looks too "bloggy" and cluttered. It looks too much like my "news feed" on Facebook..." (obviously, this is not a hipster, because hipsters use Myspace exclusively).

And what does Richard think?

Richard: "I logged on and could not immediately find what was happening at the Replay. I'm not proud of this, but I cried."

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The LC offered an in-depth report on Java Break's new cereal bar way back on October 3. The LJ-World just now weighs in on the subject today. But they do provide an answer to an important queston: What is the favorite cereal of local hipsters? It's Reece's Puffs! And the least favorite? Apple Jacks. The story also reports that the cereal bar is drawing a diverse crowd: it's a place where hipsters and children can mingle and watch cartoons.

Chip: "When I have children, rule #1 is not to play with hipsters."

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Once again, the boys have failed to make People's list of the Sexiest Man Alive. This year's award-winner? Hugh Jackman.

Richard: "This is ridiculous! I suspect that half the people who voted for him are stupid fanboys who have a boner for his Wolverine character's 'adamantine claws.' "

Chip: "If you readers had voted for shirtless pictures of me in our last poll, it would immediately become clear that I'm far sexier than Hugh Jackman."

2 comments:

topeka.com said...

Count me in as unapproving of the new lawrence.com look! I think lawrence.com readers should boycott and look for other town websites to frequent!

fortttscottt.com said...

Agreed. But there's usually only one event a day on our site, usually involving a church social or square dance.