This Week In Liberal News / Plus, The Boys' Country Corner (CMA awards edition)! /And Richard's Hipster Pick of the Day!

In a warm-and-fuzzy progressive move, the city fathers are expected to pass an ordinance this week that eliminates the current $20 fine for not clearing snow off sidewalks, instead instituting a new policy in which a polite note will be hung on doors asking citizens to please clear the walkways.

Chip: "Outside of Larryville, there are actual punishments for breaking laws. It's to prevent chaos. What's next in Larryville? 'Stern warnings' for murderers?"

Richard: "The idea is to build a community based solely on liberal guilt. I cried every night when I thought we might lose the 'T.' Every night. And I've never even ridden those smelly behemoths! I expect very clear sidewalks this winter."

Also on the docket this week is a new measure that will prevent local panhandlers from making verbal requests of passersby.

Richard: "It's not that we don't care about them, it's just that their loud and often inarticulate pleas make us feel sad about our own good fortune. Personally, I favor a law that will assign each Larryvillian a particular homeless person, and once a month we'll be required to take them home and give them a bath and maybe bake them lasagna or something."

Chip: "Making them shut up is a good first step. They should also be made to shine my shoes. Maybe then I'd give them a quarter."

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Tonight is the annual Country Music Association awards and the boys tend to celebrate by donning their hats and boots and heading to Coyote's for a little two-steppin.'

What will win best song this year? Will it be Brad Paisley's "Letter To Me" (recently examined here) or Alan Jackson's "Good Time," which we'll examine today:

"Heel toe dosey doe
Scootin' our boots, swingin' doors
B & D Kix and Dunn
Honkin' tonk heaven, Double shotgun

Shot of Tequila, beer on tap
Sweet southern woman set on my lap"
G with an O, O with a D
T with an I and an M and an E
And a good time"

Richard: "I think Jackson owes an obvious debt to Eliot here in his fragmented, collage style. Indeed, this piece can be seen as a contemporary Waste Land for the modern redneck in which the speaker finds solace for his spiritual emptiness in barrooms and booze and 'easy' women."

Chip: "Indeed, the chorus of 'good time' mischievously recalls Eliot's repeated refrain of 'Hurry up please it's time.' But on a more basic level, the song could also be useful for young redneck fathers who want to teach their children to spell while also teaching them about the good things in life."

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Richard: "They may not have won the Farmer's Ball, but they're the only one of the eight bands to have a gig at the Replay this week. That's right, readers: it's the Transmittens, and I stand by my comments that they are the local hipster band of the moment, at least until next week, when I love someone else a lot more."

Chip: "Their sound is fierce!"