Sunday, August 10, 2008

This Weekend in Local News: The Death of Wakarusa Fest?

Larryville's largest music event seems to be on its last legs. The festival promoter has declared that the show won't go on unless "discrimination" against its attendees ceases. He cites, especially, the fact that Wakarusa, with its relatively small space and attendance, is charged exorbitant security prices compared to the much-larger Country Stampede festival down the road in Manhattan. In essence, the promoter charges, local government is trying to run the hippies out of town. How do the boys feel?

Chip: "Well, this is good news. The promoter can ramble on as much as he wants about how Kansas conservatives hate hippies and love rednecks, but the truth is that the Stampede is a generally peaceful celebration of whiskey and American values while Wakurasa is three-days of drug-addled, sex-crazed youth who want to overthrow the government. I've seen Reefer Madness. I know what pot does to a person, and it ain't pretty! Sure, one could argue that violence at the Stampede is significantly higher than Wakarusa, averaging at least one sexual assault per year, plus that guy who stabbed his wife in 97, but the truth is that he probably would have killed his wife whether he'd been at a festival or not, whereas the drug death at Wakurasa can be directly tied to the atmosphere of the festival. With Wakarusa gone, I'll fear Larryville in the summer a little bit less."

Richard: "Well, this is sad news. While I personally don't enjoy four hour sets of Colorado jamgrass which consist of about one song per hour, I don't begrudge the kids for digging it, and occasionally an important band like Wilco joins the lineup. Wakarusa is an important pit-stop for hippies, nestled securely between Coachella and Bonnaroo, and stoned veterans of previous years are likely to stop in Larryville anyway as they trek across the country. Wakarusa keeps them west of town, but Chip may now find them mingling among their local brethren at Free State and snacking on 'za down at Keno's."

6 comments:

A Ft. Scott Republican said...

Did one of you actually write 'za' in connection to pizza?

--You fuckers ARE old.

PS: Death to the hippie movement and all of their festivals!

I study the hippies! said...

I believe that 'za is still widely used among the hippie set.

The Emperor said...

The plans to set the shitty dirty (possibly money grubbing) hippies and the newer, 'we just don't wash because we find it fashionable... by the way, do you have any pot?' useless KU student hippies are progressing nicely.

Soon, their war will consume Lawrence with fire when one of those dirty National Lampoon's rejects leaves his bud sit on the couch for too long when the Great Battle of the Merc occurs. While minor granola skirmishs at The Casbah Organic Market and Sword and Sorcerors dungeons will not exactly liter the streets with their dead... I do believe when our combined forces platooning out of Fort Scott and Manhattan cut off their supplies of hacky sacks, shitty jam bands... and their life blood of PBR -- they will be forced to gather together in truce at Potter Lake...

And then our Republican Guard will take our revenge by dropping a union on those Tie-dyed fuckbots! While they will not understand the poetic justice of the moment (as the only poetry they know comes from Bob Marley)... we will smile as the foundation for the new university Union extension is mixed from a fine grit concrete of the mortal remains of their fallen!

We shall slake our thirst with brandy that we swill by the fire as finally... FINALLY -- Lawrence will be cleaned. And the skies will rise blue with the coming of three new Wal-Marts (for every cardinal direction) in Larryville.

MUHUHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAH!

a local yokel said...

You upscale urban-dwellers won't be satisfied until the entire landscape looks like the KC Power and Light District and I have to pay eleven dollars for a beer while listening to a DJ who plays nothing but Jason Mraz. Until then, I'll drink my PBR at the Replay, good sirs!

Dr Henry Jones Jr said...

That does sound like paradise.

--Except the DJ part... In the perfect world there would just be jukeboxes!

nothing left to burn said...

Take away too many more of these, and the hippies might just be sober long enough to try and change the world instead of smoking away all their anger.