Thursday, August 21, 2008

The Boys Consider the Drinking Age / Plus, the Favorite Places List Continues: #4

Kansas' flagship university opted this week not to join a nationwide coalition of college administrators seeking to lower the drinking age from 21 to 18 in an effort to "demystify" alcohol and curb binge drinking. How do the boys feel?

Chip: "Sure, I think we should lower the drinking age. There's likely as many as three, maybe four, young women here who somehow have not managed to get a fake ID, and it would be nice to see those girls out at the bars as well. Why should they be denied the fun their peers are already having?"

Richard: "I support it also. If I'd had easier access to alcohol at 18, I might have gotten laid more (and by "more" I mean "some"). Although I suppose it's not helping much at 34 either."


The boys #4: The Dusty Bookshelf (Richard) and El Mezcal, Iowa location, basement (Chip)

Dusty Bookshelf:

Richard: "This is Larryville's hipster bookshop. Sure, we all go to Borders too, but we hate ourselves for supporting those corporate whores and make it up to ourselves by spending a lot of time browsing in here. There are two young women who work here who often show up at the Replay, and they are treated like rock stars when they appear there (a whisper goes through the crowd, "That's the girl from Dusty Bookshelf." No one actually knows their names)."

Chip: "I prefer to do my browsing in the stacks at Watson. Late at night, students often have sex in there, and it's sort of eerie and also arousing to wander through and hear these muffled, disembodied moans emanating from dark corners. It sounds ghostly. It sounds like ghosts that are fucking. I haven't actually had sex in the stacks myself, yet, but once I beat off in a study carrel while reading Jane Eyre."

El Mezcal, Iowa location, basement:

Chip: "I've raved about this place once before, but it's worth repeating. Speaking of lowering the drinking age, El Mez makes that debate irrelevant, at least for the ladies. If you're blonde and look like you're in a sorority or might one day join one, you're welcome to as many jumbo strawberry margaritas as you like in the basement. This is an absolute paradise on a weekend evening, like that place full of virgins that Muslims think they go to when they die, except these are sluts instead of virgins. Once Richard had one of those N.ggle-fest parties in the basement, and it was fun and all, but that was probably the largest collection of old folks that had ever assembled at one time down here. The food is decent too, and the place seems to be run by real Mexicans. Sometimes they get a little annoyed with me, because I sometimes don't pronounce items like "encholatos" and "chalupos" correctly, but I eat whatever they bring me and I'm glad to get it, with this kind of scenery around."

Richard: "It's close to my apartment!"


levon helm said...

Why would anyone want to "demystify" booze? I thought its mystifying and mystical properties (I'm looking at you, Sammy Coleridge) were some of the best aspects of booze. The more mystical, the better. I mean, have you ever read the side of a Firewater bottle? A nice bottle of that and The Band's "The Last Waltz" - that's some mystical and mystifying shit right there!

absinthe! said...


famous lyrics about booze said...

"I've got firewater rank on my breath / and my doctor said I could catch a death."

"I cannot move, my fingers are all in a knot / I don't have the strength to get up and take another shot / and my best friend my doctor doesn't know what it is that I've got."

"My homey Dr. Dre came through with a gang of Tanqueray / And a fat ass J, of some bubonic chronic that made me choke / Shit, this ain't no joke / I had to back up off of it and sit my cup down /Tanqueray and chronic, yeah I'm fucked up now."

tupelo! said...

"I got drunk and I fell down."

a wino said...

"Bottle of wine, fruit of the vine, when you gonna let me get sober?"

Anonymous said...

What the fuck is this?

Fucking Karyoke?

Fuck that!


--"Fuck the Po-lice!"

whiskey bottle over jesus said...

"Liquor and guns the sign says quite plain / Somehow life goes on in a place so insane.whis"

soft rock lover said...

"Bottle of red, bottle of white..."

I love karaoke - that's Japanese for super fun!

boy in the hood! said...

"They greet me with a 40 and I start drinking!"