Thursday, August 7, 2008

Richard and Chip: The Interview!

With the boys achieving a modicum of blogging fame this summer, they recently sat down for a rare in-depth interview with a local reporter. Here are some excerpts:

You both grew up in a rural setting? How has that impacted you?

Richard: "In Romance, the men are men, and the sheep are nervous. Seriously, though, small towns are well and good...for bumpkins. But I feel like I'm an urban sophisticate these days. I once drank chai tea, for goodness sake! At a coffee shop! You can't do that in Romance. And I enjoy having a Replay Lounge just down the street. But at the same time I've taken great care to cultivate my southern drawl. The ladies love that drawl!"

Chip: "Fortt Scottt is a simple place and we'd like to keep it that way. When Larryville threatens to make me soft, I go home for awhile and pitch haybales and just sit on the porch and look at the cattle, sometimes while I chew on a blade of grass. Occasionally the community will gather to lay pennies down in a line in the hope of breaking a world record. We enjoy that. Now I suppose city life has affected me in certain ways (I do like poetry, and tennis), but I still think of myself as a country boy."

Why has blogging become your preferred outlet of artistic expression?

Richard: "There's a certain interesting kind of "public anonymity' to it, I think, though 'Chip' here might disagree. It's a good way to create a persona and say shit we can't say in 'real life, as well as keep our friends from afar updated on our various shenanigans. I think people mostly get it. Plus, there's a real market for blogs these days. When people need a break from looking at on-line porn, reading a blog can be a nice distraction until you're ready for more porn."

Chip: "What I dislike is the blogs that are essentially public 'diaries' in which people report on their 'crushes' and their 'hopes and dreams.' There IS a place for that, sure, and that place is under your fucking pillow! It's where I keep mine, which mostly contains my musings on various waitresses along with a few short poems and some sketchings of horses."

It seems that the Larryville Chronicles almost exclusively operates in a comic mode. What are some of your influences?

Richard: "I like deadpan stuff, where you might not realize something is funny until a few seconds later, and I have to admit to a taste for the current Apatow style of raunch and 'bromance.' Also, the surrealism of some of the Mr. Show sketches, although I haven't figured out how to use that here to my advantage."

Chip: "I'll give you comedy in six words:"

Ideally, where do you boys see yourself in ten years?

Richard: "I assume I'll be married, living in a peaceful college town, and writing a very serious novel about suburban ennui. Either that, or hanging out in the back booth at Quinton's."

Chip: "On a farm in Forttt Scottt with two kids. I'll teach English...and maybe coach a little football. Not soccer. Never soccer. On Saturdays the missus and I will head into Joplin for a nice dinner at The Olive Garden. Either that, or hanging out in the back booth at Quinton's.


inquiring minds want to know! said...


What you boys are saying then is that, rumors to the contrary that you were considering a 'Grey's Anatomy' -styled twist, you both won't be going gay (with each other) this season? (clearly in an attempt to attract local women)

--I only read these things on blogs... problematically it was 'Chip (spelled with a K)'s blog!

Anonymous said...


chip has a blog? said...

Grey's plot twists have always been a major influence on the blog (remember the Chronicles' ferry accident in which Chip was rescued by a fireman?), but so far the gay rumors are unfounded.

The majority of our readers still want to see Richard fucking waitresses!

The mysterious Dr. X said...


This may explain K!p's absurdly poor performance in the long-fabled experiment of a few years back. How could a self-avowed poet, with the love of truth and beauty contained within his poet's soul, ever compete in an experiment which would threaten the truth and beauty of his own secret-lifestyle.

--I believe further investigation into these internet rumors will be required!

Quinton's As Folk said...

I believe the only reason Chip and Richard might go gay (Grey's stylee) would be in hopes of cracking next year's Hottest 100 Women poll, which was commented on by the Chronicles' favorite sci-fi blogger, Stately Pleasure Domes. Perhaps a Chronicles spin-off called "The Q Word," where the Q's waitresses explore their bisexual curiosity??? Being a sitcom screenwriter must be really hard. And by "hard," I mean easy as shit.

the Q word said...

I've dreamed about that bisexual waitress show for years and years.

To the Mystery machine! said...


Too add more to this theory -- Anyone notice K!p having some sort of stylized slur at the end of every time he types Forttt Scottt? Hmmmmmm, perhaps this is just conspiracy theory, but I think there's a very distinct possibility that sexual repression exists here!

--Master Billy Quizmaster

quiz kid donnie smith said...

Actually, it's just to distinguish this purely-fictional Chip's purely-fictional hometown from any other similarly named real places that might exist in south Kansas.