Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Local Hipster Writes a Book! / Plus, the LJ-World's Terrifying Headline of the Week!

It's an exciting week for local hipsters. Tomorrow night is the premiere of the Spook Light's horror film It Starts With Murder (please watch the trailer in the sidebar), and Friday night brings a reading by Drakkar Sauna's Jeff Stoltz, who has written a book about "rocketry" called The Moon For Its Citizens, which he explains to Lawrence.com as follows:

"The book came out of a series of songs about astronauts based on an idea of writing a long fiction piece with astronaut technology at its core, which produced more songs for the cycle that became, the song cycle, interstices to the action of the book."

Stoltz goes on to explain that the cover of the book is designed to feel "tender," like human flesh, which he connects to the "New Flesh" idea of Cronenberg's Videodrome (which, if you are unaware, is a delightful "mood piece" in which James Woods gets naked and burns Debbie Harry with cigarettes).

Lawrence.com also provides a short excerpt from the book, which contains this striking passage:

"...the Pope and his sordid diocese invented vampires, when Muhammad declared a general amnesty on returning to Mecca he still beheaded the comedians. But...rocketry was never going to advance if left to the Bishops, pastors, and Imams."

Richard: "I can't wait to get my copy signed the next time Stoltz is tending bar at the Replay!"

Chip: "I think I'm going to skip it and reread Dan Brown's The Lost Symbol again instead."


Richard picked up his copy of the LJ-World today expecting to find the usual front-page cover story about cuddly animals but instead discovered this headline, which made him scream:

"Dreaded zebra mussels found in Kansas River."

Holy fucking shit, readers, have those rabid zebras that recently bit the Pitt State football player somehow bred with some kind of voracious sea creature that's about to attack the town?

Well, as it turns out, no. But we are facing a serious infestation of these things which might "coat or clog" the Kaw Water Treatment Plant (LJ-World).

Charlie Ballenger, plant manager, is quoted in the article, and he does nothing to help dispel our fears:

"There's going to be no stopping these things" (LJ-World).

Chip: "According to the preacher in Forttt Scottt, this plague of zebra mussels is a punishment for Larryville's immorality."


beth said...

If scary, Zebra-like sea-creatures are attacking Larryville, maybe I should reconsider my visit next week! In Miami, all we have to worry about are giant snakes and alligators!

And big-city criminals, of course...

beth said...


the horror! said...

I'm dressing as a terrifying zebra mussel on Halloween!