Halloween! / Plus, Is It Art, Or Isn't It?

Happy Halloween, readers, and we'll keep today's post short since we'll be seeing most of you at the Replay tonight to witness "Adventureband" performing the soundtrack to Adventureland (oh, we can't wait to hear the opening notes of "Bastards of Young" and fondly recall this year's best unknown film which most of you were not hip enough to see in theaters but are now discovering on DVD and thinking you've really found something amazing but not knowing that those of us who are cooler than you saw it on opening afternoon!).

And don't forget to set your clocks back an hour tonight. Yes indeed: we can all get one hour drunker at the bar!

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The photographer Neil Krug and the model Joni Harbeck are former Larryville residents who have an upcoming book called Pulp which is getting good advance press. Krug's photos are "taken with Polaroid film years past its sell-by date. They have the kind of grainy, sun-scorched feel of a Sergio Leone spaghetti western." (NY-Times). Let's take a look at a few (click to--slightly--enlarge):










Chip: "Guns are always penis symbols in art, right? So it's like she's holding a penis. I like this, and I give it a rare vote of 'Art.'"

Richard: "I prefer Zaguar's collages, but I'll go 'Art' as well, mainly for the legs."

Weekend Picks for Geeks and Metalheads!

There's always plenty to do in Larryville for hipsters (PBR's at the Replay) and frat boys (date rape and AIDS jokes!*), but if you're a geek who loves video games and rarely gets laid there's often not much to do besides hang out at Astro Kitty Comics playing Magic: The Gathering and discussing which episode of BSG is the best(that stands for Battlestar Galactica, hipsters, and the consensus is: Episode 3.20, titled Crossroads, Part II).

[*Heathers reference]

But tonight at Wonder Fair local geeks can revel in a "slide-show, book-signing, and conversation" (Lawrence.com) with John Porcellino, whose self-published King Cat Comics have delighted lonely misfits since 1989. Here's an example of his work (click to enlarge and enjoy):




















Chip: "This probably comes closest to the feel of my own childhood of anything that I have yet seen apart from Diff'rent Strokes. You see, I too was often beaten up by someone named 'the Gooch.'"

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The excellent masked-metal band Troglodyte takes over the Replay tonight, opening for the equally top-notch Hammerlord. Troglodyte has even been written up in the horror magazine Fangoria:

"Drawing musical influences from the likes of CARCASS, OBITUARY and ORIGIN, and hominid-horror movies such as, THE LEGEND OF BOGGY CREEK, THE PIT and NIGHT OF THE DEMON, the band has craved/slashed out its own niche as the world's first Bigfoot death-metal band. Penning such "classics" as SASQUASHED, THEY WALK AMONG US, BEATEN & EATEN, SKUNK APE-RAPE and others."

Richard: "I'll be the guy shouting for 'Skunk Ape-Rape' throughout their set."

And here's the cover of headliner Hammerlord's self-titled debut album:




















Chip: "Sweet wolves!"

The Boys' Book Club Reads R. Crumb's The Book of Genesis / Pitchfork's Review of the Week / And a Hipster Photo!

Legendary cartoonist R. Crumb's long-awaited comic version of the complete Book of Genesis has finally arrived on shelves to rave reviews. For those unfamiliar with his work, Newsweek offers this bio:

"The artist credited with almost singlehandedly launching the underground-comics scene in '60s San Francisco, the cartoonist who gave us the X-rated adventures of Fritz the Cat and Mr. Natural, a professed atheist, a man who fantasizes about getting piggyback rides from big-legged women (and then draws and publishes these fantasies)..."

What do the boys think of Crumb's Genesis?

Chip: "I'm sure you all expect me to hate it, but I've always been quite fond of Crumb's work since we share that same fantasy about piggyback rides from big-legged women. However, I'm afraid it's going to feel a little weird beating off to this."



















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The boys were huge fans of noise-rock band Fuck Buttons' previous album, Street Horrrsing, and have been anxiously awaiting the follow-up. Let's take a look at Pitchfork's review (which warrants a rare 9.0, the same as Grizzly Bear's Veckatimest and just below Dirty Projectors' Bitte Orca, which scored a 9.2):

"Fuck Buttons also master shorter pieces that shift and redirect the record's momentum. Close in spirit to the tribal romp of "Ribs Out" from Street Horrrsing-- but ultimately more listenable and imaginative-- "Rough Steez" envisions industrial techno as locomotive skronk. And "Phantom Limb" recalls genre-benders like Liquid Liquid and Gang Gang Dance with its cavernous atmosphere and snaky, complex arrangement. When the band returns to widescreen emotiveness for the triumphant closer "Flight of the Feathered Serpent", it feels like a victory lap."

Richard: "I think that 'locomotive skronk' is really an important emerging genre that hasn't received its due as of yet, and I'm hoping to put together a band that specializes in it. Surely we'd be right at home sandwiched in between sets by Black Christmas and This is My Condition."

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The boys were unable to attend last week's premiere of the Spook Lights' film It Starts With Murder, but intrepid hipster photographer A. Rusc.n was on hand to document the affair. Here's one of the shots we particularly enjoy from her newest Lawrence.com slideshow (click to enlarge and peruse the sweet Schlitz logos on this hipster's shirt):

Halloween Coverage Continues / Plus, Look No Further for the Perfect Hipster Gift! / And More Panhandling News!

For most of us, Halloween is an excuse to get shitfaced and pull some hilarious pranks (Chip: "I'm going to egg the house of that crusty old Dean!"). But for KU's student pagan organization, KU Cauldron, it's a chance to educate people with a weeklong series of lectures and a "Samhain ritual" on Halloween night. Earlier in the week the group hosted a lecture regarding vampires with guest speaker Hailey Hauber, a religious studies major.

"Hauber said although she did not know any local vampires, she had read about vampires in the Kansas City area. 'I know that there are vampires in Kansas City...I don't know the extent of their involvement, but I know that they are there" (UDK).

Chip: "Vampires aren't real. Are they?"

But what goes on at the scary-sounding "Samhain ritual?"

"The group will prepare a meal of pumpkin stew and a portion of each person's meal will be left aside as an overnight offering for lost loved ones" (UDK).

Chip: "Well, that doesn't sound so terrifying as I imagined. In fact, it sounds quite nice. But most likely they are just politely neglecting to mention the parts about the Satanic rituals and human sacrifice."

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Readers, if you're anything like the boys you have a lot of hipster friends, some of which have little hipster babies for whom you sometimes have to purchase gifts, which can be a hard thing, since they are not old enough to drink PBR. Luckily, a group called the Yellow Bird Project has developed something called an "Indie Rock Coloring Book" in which you can color such things as a bunch of birds in Devendra Banhart's beard. Below is a picture of his page. All proceeds go to charity. Order yours today.















Richard: "I think it goes without saying which band would be a perfect addition to this book, but I'll say it anyway: The Transmittens. But what color would you color a sparklemitten?"

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Based on the article in today's LJ-World, last night's meeting of the city fathers to discuss the local panhandling problem was quite productive. Apparently, the commission has now actually "vowed to do more than just talk" about the issues "(LJ-World).

One local "merchant" who spoke at the meeting related the tale of two frightened women who took shelter in his store after being "aggressively" panhandled: "“They said they were going back to Johnson County and never coming back. We deal with that every day.'" (LJ-World).

Chip: "I say the same thing every time I go to the Replay."

The Boys Consider Larryville's Proposed "Outright Ban" on Downtown Panhandling! / Also: The Boys' Country Corner is Back Again!

For some time now, the city fathers have been threatening to get tough on Larryville's supposedly ever-increasing number of panhandlers. Recent legislation considered a ban on "aggressive panhandling," but tonight City Commissioner Aron Cromwell is going all the way and asking the city to completely ban people "from either verbally asking for money or holding a sign, can or other device used to collect money in the downtown" (LJ-World). The ordinance would cover "the area from Sixth Street to 14th Street and from Vermont to New Hampshire streets" (LJ-World).

Chip: "Obviously, I favor this, but it remains unclear to me how this prohibition is to be enforced. I mean, these people can't afford fines, so that threat is unlikely to be effective. I'd propose chasing them across the river into North Larryville and just let them have the run out of that area, since no civilized person ever ventures over there anyway."

The LJ-World's article contains this passage:

" 'We had a really, really difficult summer with panhandling,' said Cromwell, who estimated there were as many as 30 different panhandlers at one time on Massachusetts Street during parts of the summer.

Richard: "I think he's getting these excessive numbers mixed up with the Larryville Busker Festival. Those people had permits, Cromwell!"

Here's the LJ-World's picture to illustrate the problem:











Richard: "Oh, my friend Brian and I talked to this dude over the summer. He played us a tune on his keyboard that sounded like a horror film soundtrack and we gave him a buck because he told us he needed to go to Seattle. One method of getting rid of the panhandlers might be for everyone to just give them a buck or two and let them head off to wherever it is they are trying to go."


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As far as the boys are concerned, no genre of music understands the mind of the average American male more than country music, and Tim McGraw's new song, "It's a Business Doing Pleasure With You," offers one of the most insightful looks at male/female relationships that we've seen in some time. Let's take a look:

"You got me walkin' past the fellas
Holdin' drinks with pink umbrellas
on some island that I can't even spell
Then we slide over to Gucci
Right before we go for sushi...

Your gonna break my bank before too long
I'm taking out a loan
But when you turn your kind of lovin' on
Honey I just can't say no, no no no no no no"


Chip: "Beneath its seemingly lighthearted, formulaic 'the-things-one-does-for-love' kind of commentary is a more serious exploration of how today's women seem intent on pushing otherwise 'manly' men into a role that, aside from the heterosexual fucking, reflects behaviors more commonly associated with homosexuality, such as drinking fruity drinks, shopping, and eating sushi. The repetition in the final line of the chorus might seem comical at first glance but it soon becomes apparent that the 'no' is, in fact, a serious cry for help."

Richard: "I'll do a lot of things for pussy but I won't eat sushi."

Football and Porn! (Very Vulgar: Do Not Read!) / Plus, The Boys' Book Club Is Back!

Readers, this story may or may not be accurate, but if it's worthy of consideration in the esteemed Pitchweekly, who is the LC to refuse coverage? It seems that a former K-State football player, Chase Mejia, may have left the gridiron for the adult film industry.

Apparently a sex-tape is circulating on adult sites in which Mejia (or someone looking very much like him) is seen performing an "Eiffel Tower." The description of the video (from the Pitch, via other sites) is as follows:

"A couple of beers and a game of spin the bottle leads to hot girl-on-girl action and the whole room fucking like champs...one dude even eats a slice of pizza while getting head!"

But what's an "Eiffel Tower?" The boys had to turn to the invaluable www.urbandictionary.com to figure it out:

"A threesome with two guys and a girl, where one guy is hitting it from behind, and the other guy is getting a blow job. The guys are high-fiving over the girl to make the Eiffel Tower shape."

Chip: "Oh, then I've constructed a bunch of Eiffel Towers without even knowing it. High-five!"

Judging from KU's performance against Oklahoma on Saturday, various members of our own team should also consider moving into pornography.

Chip: "I'd totally pay to see Reesing bang some sorostitutes. Is that weird, or normal?"

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Generally, the boys ignore any book that doesn't feature a vampire or zombie, but occasionally they like to read something a bit more...artistic. This month's selection is Padgett Powell's The Interrogative Mood: A Novel?, which is currently winning raves from the likes of the NY-Times Book Review. But what is its artistic "gimmick," you might ask? Each sentence of the book takes the form of a question. Let's take a look at the product description from Amazon:

"The acclaimed writer Padgett Powell is fascinated by what it feels like to walk through everyday life, to hear the swing and snap of American talk, to be both electrified and overwhelmed by the mad cacophony—the "muchness"—of America. The Interrogative Mood is Powell's playful and profound response, a bebop solo of a book in which every sentence is a question."

Chip: "Does this sound stupid to anyone else? Why should I read it? Shouldn't an author answer the questions he raises? Does it have any sex in it? Is there a twist ending? Is it as good as The Lost Symbol?"

Richard: "Why didn't I think of this? Does everything preposterous receive a book contract except for this blog? Should I teach this in next semester's Intro to Fiction course? Is it fiction?"

The Angry Local Blogger Award of the Week Goes To...Justin Martinez / Also: Halloween Pick of the Day: Doggy Monster's Ball at Jazzhaus!

At the LC we tend to traffic in rather genial, loving satire of Larryville's faults and foibles, often cleverly masking the identity of our targets (Katy Seib.l). Some bloggers, however, prefer a take-no-prisoners style in which they direct their furious anger at a particular target. Take, for instance, Justin Martinez's new blog called "Horrorshow Indeed" (www.horrorshow3d.blogspot.com/ ), whose subtitle is "The slow-motion death of Lawrence Theatre, and a critique of an inarticulate Arts Culture."

Martinez is furious with Larryville's EMU theatre company due to the fact that he wrote some "interstitial" pieces for their third annual Halloween anthology show which the troupe later decided to abandon in favor of improvised material between each act. Let's look at some points from his critique of E.M.U, along with commentary from the boys.

Hernandez asserts that he was brought in to prevent a repeat of a previous dreadful performance which was "so unfunny and uninspired as to make any reasonable play-goer opt for an acid trip to the first available Christian Hell House."

Chip: "In Forttt Scottt, we love these Christian hellhouses and have supplemented the usual rooms involving the evils of abortion and homosexuality with a few to illustrate the dangers of Larryville. In one room, a group of hipsters are literally buried beneath a pile of PBR cans yet still continue to discuss the new Dirty Projectors record. And in another, a group of stoned hippies accidentally cook a baby in the microwave because they believe it's a Burrito King burrito."

Hernandez says that his witty, well-written material was dropped in favor of "an idea about the audience waving flashlights and a werewolf battling a vampire."

Richard: "I feel his pain here. For the better part of a year, the LC labored to bring our readers a remarkable meta-series about a teenage werewolf named Harry Lupus which served as both a devastating rejoinder to the current wave of toothless, sexless adolescent fiction as well as a compelling tale in its own right, yet how was our work greeted? People complained that it was 'too wordy' and basically skimmed it for the boner jokes."

Hernandez's piece also points out the unforgivably amateurish nature of E.M.U as a whole:

"Having loose restrictions is one thing, but putting actors out there on stage in front of paying people out for a night of cultural exploration, only to be molested by an aesthetic weekend-warrior, is another."

Chip: "He's absolutely nailed it here, folks. 'Molested' is exactly how I feel every time I attend a 'cultural' event in Larryville."

We strongly encourage you to read Hernandez's blog and join the debate over Larryville's arts scene (although how exactly you can join the debate is a bit unclear, since his blog doesn't seem to allow comments and is likely a one-time burst of righteous indignation that he'll never update again. But we hope he proves us wrong, because we fucking love his blog!).


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Next in our continuing Halloween coverage is the Jazzhaus's third annual Doggy Monster's Ball, a chance for people to dress up their dogs and parade them around a bar.

Richard: "I'm dressing my puppy as a 'zebra mussel,' the terrifying scourge of the Kansas River."

Chip: "I'm dressing my dog as a policeman and I have trained him to bite hippies."

The Boys Consider the Top "8 Customs of Kansas" / Plus, Local Hipster Band Makes Good! / Also: Robot Art!

The Kansas Sampler Foundation (whatever that is) has released another meaningless list, this one called the top "8 Customs of Kansas," and the boys were delighted to find their beloved "Rock Chalk Chant" made the cut, along with "ordering a soda fountain treat," "riding a carousel," and "displaying an ethnic handicraft" (readers, we're not making this shit up...feel free to Google).

Chip: "I do love the Rock Chalk Chant, nonsensical as it is, but for my money it lacks the passion and hostility of 'Rip his fucking head off!'"

Richard: "When all is said and done, I'll always be partial to the Arkansas chant of 'Wooo Pig Sooey!' That's how we call our Hogs!"

Chip: "I can't believe that the list of customs forgot to include 'going to Quinton's at Tuesday night to check out the ass.'"

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Larryville hipster bands all desire the recognition of a nationally-known hipster record label, so it's with great pride that we announce the Old Canes' new album has just been released by Omaha-based Saddle Creek (home to Bright Eyes, Cursive, etc).

A recent Pitchweekly profile describes the Canes as "Lawrence's answer to Neutral Milk Hotel" and terms the new album "an eclectic, lo-fi carnival ride, punctuated by oddball instrumentation, such as wind chimes and what sounds like rain through a drafty window." The band's lead singer, Chris Crisci explains the recording process: "You get the guitar and some vocals down, and you might be happy with it, but it's when you put the tambourine on it... — that's when it really becomes something amazing."

Richard: "Right. And I'd go so far as to say that nothing can be amazing without the inclusion of a tambourine. Now why can't the Transmittens get signed to a hipster label? Pay attention, K Records!"


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On a recent weekend Richard found himself outside the Percolator art gallery talking to former Mayor Boog Highberg.r (their first official meeting!). While Boog related a juggling demonstration he used to give as a way of explaining anarchy ("when you drop the apples, it represent chaos"), Richard found himself staring intently at this large picture of a robot in the front window. Is it art, or isn't it?
















Richard: "Anything with a robot in it is art, except for Michael Bay's Transformers films."

Chip: "What about Short Circuit 2?"

Richard: "Art."

The Boys Consider Eco-Friendly Sex Toys! / Also, the LC Offers Corrections to a Previous Piece

An article in this week's Time magazine regarding the increasing popularity of environmentally-friendly sex toys struck the boys as unintentionally hilarious. To entertain you on a dreary Friday afternoon, we offer you some choice quotes from the piece followed by some vulgar commentary! Enjoy!

"In many ways, choosing a sex toy is not unlike buying a car."

Chip: "I disagree. Any time I ask the owner of a sex shop if I can 'test-drive' the pocket pussies, they always refuse."

"As the green movement makes its way into the bedroom, low lighting is a must--to conserve electricity--but so are vegan condoms, organic lubricants and hand-cranked vibrators."

Richard: "I'll bet half the women on the East Side of Larryville use 'hand-cranked vibrators.' Sure, it might not ever actually get them off, but the self-satisfaction they take in energy conservation makes up for any number of missed orgasms."

Chip: "What do vegan condoms taste like? Tofu?"

"Walker recently attended her first Tupperware-style pleasure party, thrown by Oregon-based Earth Erotics, where the goods for sale included organic massage oils and whips made of recycled inner tubes."

Chip: "Myself, I'm not particularly into S&M, but I suppose if certain Quinton's waitresses wanted to whip me, I wouldn't say no, as long as we had a designated 'safe word,' such as 'woodchuck.'"

You can peruse the full article, called "Sex and the Eco-City" (get it?) here:

http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1930503-1,00.html


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On Tuesday, we mis-identified the author of "The Moon For Its Citizens" as Drakkar Sauna's Jeff Stoltz, but the actual author is Drakkar Sauna's Wallace Cochran. We apologize for any confusion. In response to that article, we also misquoted Chip as saying "I think I'm going to skip it [the book reading at the Raven] and reread Dan Brown's The Lost Symbol again instead." What Chip actually said was "I think I'm going to stay home and beat off while watching Hercules vs. the Moon Men instead."

The Boys Consider New York's CMJ Hipsterfest and Check in With Larryville's "Style Scout"

Sadly, the boys were unable to attend this week's CMJ Music Festival in New York (although perhaps our NY correspondent Adam will send in a live report?). Luckily, Pitchfork is providing in-depth coverage of the affair, and we've chosen this description which we somehow suspect is fairly representative of the festival as a whole:

"It took Clare & the Reasons a while to set up for their show at the Mercury Lounge. First, they had to affix bundles of white, leafless branches around the stage, creating a small forest in which to play. Then, they had to tune and soundcheck an arsenal of instruments: washboard, clarinet, trombone, tuba, glockenspiel, violin, bass, several guitars, assorted percussion, ukulele, and kazoos. There were no complaints for the late start, but widespread disappointment at the truncated set."

After perusing the various names of bands and album titles in Pitchfork's coverage, our favorite so far is the album Let's Make Babies in the Woods by the Papercranes, a title that the Transmittens are surely kicking themselves right now for not thinking of first.

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The "Style Scout" feature on Lawrence.com has been dull for the past few weeks, focusing mainly on older Larryvillians who are, of course, inherently unstylish. This week, however, sexy Ms. Sieb.l is doing the scouting, and she can always be counted on to choose interesting subjects, such as Chris (Randall) Dickinson, who describes his style as "penitently transitional bachelor-wear" and offers this as a description of his favorite fashion trends: "Oversize flannel button-ups are pretty rad. Bright purple hoodies." Dickinson describes his look as "pre-Zooey Deschanel Ben Gibbard" and for Halloween plans to dress as "Schrödinger’s bat. What could be more terrifying than a bat that is neither dead nor alive?"

Richard: "I'm 100% certain I'll see this dude at the Replay on Halloween night."

Ladies, is he stylish, or isn't he? (click to enlarge).

The LC's Halloween Coverage Begins!

The boys love Halloween, primarily because it's a night when local sorostitutes can be counted upon to dress even sluttier than usual (Chip: "I also enjoy the candies"). And over the next week-and-a-half we plan to offer occasional highlights of Halloween activities that might be worth your while.

There's no better place to be on Halloween than the Replay, as we all know, so our first pick is that evening's performance by The Dead Girls, who have come up with a truly hip idea for their show: performing as "Adventureband," they will be playing the entire soundtrack of the recent film Adventureland, which includes hipster-approved tunes by the likes of The Replacements, Lou Reed, The Cure, and David Bowie (along with "Rock Me, Amadeus", which is used in the film to signify the pernicious "mainstream" of the era).

Richard: "I loved Adventureland from the first notes of The 'Mat's 'Bastards of Young' even prior to the opening credits, but now that it's becoming a more well-known cult film I feel it's time for me to abandon it and retreat back to my former favorite largely-unknown film about post-college ennui: Noah Baumbach's Kicking and Screaming."

Chip: "The only good song on the Adventureland soundtrack is 'Rock Me, Amadeus.'"

But what will the boys be wearing for Halloween? Well, it won't be an "illegal alien" costume consisting of a prison jumpsuit and an alien mask (pictured below), which was pulled from the shelves of major retailers such as Target and Toys R' Us this week after a public outcry.

Chip: "Actually, I purchased mine as soon as they went on sale, long before the overly-P.C. public got wind of it, so I will be happily sporting this on Halloween. I suspect it may not be very popular at the Replay, however, but they'll eat that shit up down in Forttt Scottt.

Local Hipster Writes a Book! / Plus, the LJ-World's Terrifying Headline of the Week!

It's an exciting week for local hipsters. Tomorrow night is the premiere of the Spook Light's horror film It Starts With Murder (please watch the trailer in the sidebar), and Friday night brings a reading by Drakkar Sauna's Jeff Stoltz, who has written a book about "rocketry" called The Moon For Its Citizens, which he explains to Lawrence.com as follows:

"The book came out of a series of songs about astronauts based on an idea of writing a long fiction piece with astronaut technology at its core, which produced more songs for the cycle that became, the song cycle, interstices to the action of the book."

Stoltz goes on to explain that the cover of the book is designed to feel "tender," like human flesh, which he connects to the "New Flesh" idea of Cronenberg's Videodrome (which, if you are unaware, is a delightful "mood piece" in which James Woods gets naked and burns Debbie Harry with cigarettes).

Lawrence.com also provides a short excerpt from the book, which contains this striking passage:

"...the Pope and his sordid diocese invented vampires, when Muhammad declared a general amnesty on returning to Mecca he still beheaded the comedians. But...rocketry was never going to advance if left to the Bishops, pastors, and Imams."

Richard: "I can't wait to get my copy signed the next time Stoltz is tending bar at the Replay!"

Chip: "I think I'm going to skip it and reread Dan Brown's The Lost Symbol again instead."

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Richard picked up his copy of the LJ-World today expecting to find the usual front-page cover story about cuddly animals but instead discovered this headline, which made him scream:

"Dreaded zebra mussels found in Kansas River."

Holy fucking shit, readers, have those rabid zebras that recently bit the Pitt State football player somehow bred with some kind of voracious sea creature that's about to attack the town?

Well, as it turns out, no. But we are facing a serious infestation of these things which might "coat or clog" the Kaw Water Treatment Plant (LJ-World).

Charlie Ballenger, plant manager, is quoted in the article, and he does nothing to help dispel our fears:

"There's going to be no stopping these things" (LJ-World).

Chip: "According to the preacher in Forttt Scottt, this plague of zebra mussels is a punishment for Larryville's immorality."

The Boys' Box-Office Report: Paranormal Activity!

We all know America loves tween vampires, but who knew that people would show up in droves to see an ultra-low budget haunted house flick, Paranormal Activity, which consists primarily of a static long-distance shot of a couple in bed (Chip: "And they're not even fucking!"). The premise is simple: a young woman, haunted by a demon, allows her boyfriend to set up recording equipment to capture the things that go bump in the night (and the film itself is purported to be this "found footage" of the recording sessions, most of which consist of absolutely nothing happening). Boosted by a clever marketing campaign, the film racked up $20 million dollars over the weekend to claim the number-three spot at the box office.

Richard: "Basically, it works sort of like the Royal Nonesuch in Huck Finn. We all know we've been swindled, but we still tell our friends and family to shell out their own dollars so they'll get swindled too."

Chip: "What I'd like to do is set up some recording equipment in the local haunted sorority house. Sure, we might catch a ghost, but we'd almost certainly catch the legendary bra-and-panties tickle fights that go on there every night, which I think would be even better."

However, what's really important with a film like this is what the fanboys think. Let's check in with someone called HarryCalder on the Ain't It Cool News site:

"You know that girl who keeps telling you how hot she is in bed, the crazy things she'll do to you, "just beg for it, baby, and I'll rock your world," etc.? And then you finally get her in the sack, and she's certainly a fun time, but ultimately kind of forgettable? "Paranormal Activity" is smelling like that girl right about now... Calm the fuck down, sweetie...".

Local Political Scandal of the Week / Plus, This Week in Homeless News

Just when local progressives were finally beginning to forget Lynn Jenkins' recent comment about the Republican Party's need for a "great white hope," along comes Kansas Republican representative Bill Otto, whose Youtube video called "redneck rap" is a critique of Obama's policies delivered by Otto while wearing an "Oppossum, the other dark meat" baseball cap which has been seen by some as a racial reference to Obama. Otto insists that it simply refers to his own "hillbilly" heritage (LJ-World).

Chip: "I believe Otto. We do eat a lot of possum in parts of Kansas. I like it with sweet potatoes and gravy."


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The battle over the location for Larryville's new local homeless shelter continues this week, and a group of residents have now organized to protest the current suggested venue: the old Don's Steakhouse building east of the city.

Local citizen Missi Pfeifer, one of the primary leaders of the opposition, says: "“I don’t know a mother who would go downtown and see what hangs around the shelter down there and walk away and leave their child there'" (LJ-World).

Chip: "Notice her use of 'what' as opposed to 'who' in that statement. Indeed, it is best to fully objectify these people, which allows a certain necessary neutrality that's lost among the liberals who insist on humanizing every problem."

Richard: "A local anarchist explained to me what is really going on here, which is that there's an odd liberal conspiracy at work in which our so-called 'progressives' lure the homeless to Don's Steakhouse, supposedly to care for them but in actuality to use Don's old equipment to grind them up into meat which will then be sold at the Merc under the guise of 'free range beef' to the rich capitalist pigs who basically 'feed' off the homeless anyway. I'm not sure if this is completely accurate, however."

Things to Do For Hipsters and Non-Hipsters Too!

Naturally, the boys are spending the weekend in nearby downtown Baldwin's Maple Leaf Festival (Chip: "It's just a blessedly hipster-free event where old folks can gaze at pretty leaves."), but Larryville hipsters will probably want to opt for K-Records singer-songwriter Mirah, hitting the Jackpot tonight from Olympia, Washington with a solid 8.5 recommendation from Pitchfork:

"A terrific songwriter when she bothers to finish her songs, Mirah finds her own creativity fascinating enough to share every stage of the process with her listeners: To date, her albums have brimmed with sketches, songlets, snatches of ambiance (crickets, etc.) and private snapshots of in-studio fun."

Richard: "My favorite use of animal noises this year remains Neko Case's stirring half hour of frogs chirping at the end of Middle Cyclone, but this is a close second."

Sports Pick of the Day: Late Night in the Phog! / Plus, A. Ruscin's Controversial Zombie Photo of the Week!

Sure, KU has one of the few undefeated football teams in the nation, but none of that matters as of today because...basketball season is here! Yes, the official opening festivity of the season is tonight: Late Night in the Phog will bring its patented tradition of wacky sketches, dances, and scrimmages to the Field House at 6:30 (not exactly "late night" anymore, but oh well...there's more time to get shitfaced afterwards).

Here are some good ideas for sketches you probably will NOT see:

--a Sharks vs. Jets street rumble parody featuring members of the football and basketball teams

--an edgy elevator sketch where C.llins whips it out!

--a sketch with a drunken Morningst.ar outrunning local authorities while yelling "I don't DO jail!"

In fact, if you've been following the LJ-World this past week, you might have noticed an all-out campaign to help readers forget the less-than-impressive off-court antics of the team by focusing on a series of cute stories such as: Cole "The Sheriff" Aldr.ch sure is a big fan of the Minnesota Twins! or, even better, the story of how Coll.ns and Aldr.ch have really bonded this semester during their long walks to their Women's Studies course (where they are the only two guys in the room).

Chip: "Now I'm not saying these gentlemen don't have a strong interest in 'women's studies,' but ten bucks says they've banged every woman in there or will have by Thanksgiving."

Richard: "I'm sure it's a very liberating thing for an uptight feminist from Johnson County to fuck a couple of basketball players. The arrangement works for everyone."

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A. Rusc.n's photo spreads from the recent zombie fashion show have finally made it to Lawrence.com, including the following photo (a "spread" indeed) which has proved a bit too revealing for some readers (judging from the talkbacks). Take a look (and click to enlarge):




















Chip: "The guys in the audience are not even looking at her panties. Why?"

A Guest Piece From Cl.thier, A "Vision" for Downtown Larryville, and a Local Hipster Movie

Our first bit of business today comes from Cl.thier, who sent us this rather remarkable piece in which he turns the boys' own work against them! This may be the cleverest thing we've yet printed here (aside from Chip's boner jokes and several installments of the much-missed Harry Lupus series). Take a look:


Anatomy of a Hipster


N.ggle and Chip often like to practice the glorified armchair pyschoanalysis they pass off as "criticism" on unwitting foes such as Toby Keith, so let's see how N.ggle's own talkback comments hold up under such intense, intellectually-masturbatory scrutiny!


We'll take this seemingly innocuous comment concerning a gracious reader's recommendation of the recent Dr. Dog show at the Bottleneck. Here is the reader's comment:


"N.ggle - I recommend the Dr. Dog show tonight at The Bottleneck!"


And here is N.ggle's response:


"dr. nog said
Yeah, I'd like to check it out (I've seen them before), but I'm passing on the Monday night rock.
I'm not hip enough."


Immediately we notice N.ggle's use of the "dr." appelation, something he rarely uses on the blog, usually only when the topic deals with his "profession". Besides rubbing his doctorate in the face of his readers, perhaps, in his twisted hipster mind, N.ggle has come to regard faux cultural e-criticism and attending rock shows in Lawrence as some sort of "profession", of which he is a "professor". Remember, dear readers, arrogance lies very close to the heart of the hipster, though it is not the defining characteristic. O, no, revealing the darkness at the heart of the hipster might be even too much for this intrepid writer.


Next, N.ggle expresses his desire to see the band ("Yeah, I'd like to check it out..."), seeming to agree with the reader's generous tip-off that the band is worthy of seeing. In fact, N.ggle then seems to reinforce the reader's opinion of the band - "(I've seen them before)" - but a closer examination of this parenthetical reveals N.ggle's true hipster motives! The use of the parenthetical here implies a sort of aside (his doctoral thesis was on the theater!), as if N.ggle realizes his hipster identity is a performance, and thus he turns to the Hipster Gaze he believes is constantly on him, judging his hipster-ness, to point out that he, in fact, has already seen the band, hoping the St. Peter in charge of Hipster's Pearly Gates will make a little mark in his book - "N.ggle - seen Dr. Dog before they were even remotely popular enough to warrant a mention in his blog. 10 points." Once again, the arrogance that is the hipster rears its ugly head, though the hipster spent an hour trying to make it look as if it just rolled out of bed. N.ggle speaks past his actual audience to his imagined hipster audience, trying to win hipster cred for himself while mocking the apparent hipster wannabe and their passe suggestion, but placating them with the "I'd like to check it out..."


So why can't N.ggle check them out? Why, of course, the day of the week! Apparently there is some sort of hipster stricture against (or for, it's hard to tell) "Monday night rock". N.ggle, turning back towards his reader and away from the Hipster Gaze (though he never really gets away from it), claims he "is not hip enough" to go out on a Monday for a show. What this really means? "Only lame, non-hipster bands play on Monday nights (well at least anymore...Mondays used to be the hipster rock show nights until they became too popular and then everyone had to pretend they were so hip Mondays weren't hip anymore and Sundays became the hipster night, though even those are getting a little too popular so we're thinking of making Tuesday mornings the hip night to see unknown bands). But I can't say that's why I'm not going. I know, I'll say I'm not hip enough. That will trick the hipster wannabe into thinking that Mondays are a hip night to go out. Ha! I can't wait to tell all of my hipster friends that I tricked a hipster wannabe into going out on a Monday. We'll all have a mild, disinterested chuckle over that one!"


What a bizarre and scary place the mind of the hipster is. At some point, I'm pretty sure the extreme effort at disinterested irony will turn in on itself and eat the hipster alive, but this is probably a sort of sick goal of theirs, turning them into the zombie character they so love to ironically portray in hearty, yet disinterested communal gatherings. And perhaps this is the layer of hipster flesh and muscle right above the core of the hipster - the desire to fully participate in something, to joyfully embrace something, destroyed by the fear of ridicule for embracing something wholly. Thus, an ironic distance is kept from anything, allowing the hipster to drop anything or anyone at a moment's notice if it's deemed "uncool", allowing the hipster to keep in tact their chance at the empty prize they constantly vie for - they're hipster "cred". Zombies indeed!


How sad to know the hipster is fueled not by Hamm's, PBR, or a heightened sense of cultural awareness, but, like the 3rd grader hiding in the classroom during recess, by pure fear of social ridicule.


Fucking losers.


Richard: "And I thought all I meant was that Dr. Dog was on a school night. Thanks to Cl.thier, I plan to tone down my snark here and offer a kinder, gentler blog. But I won't be starting today."

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Downtown "merchants" (a quaint word the LJ-World loves to employ) met yesterday to discuss a new "vision" for Larryville's downtown area. No agreement was reached yet, but merchants agreed that the first step had to be dealing with the "vagrant" problem.

Chip: "Well, I suppose most 'visions' for downtown are not going to include that dude who runs around in his Spiderman suit carrying a doll on his shoulder."

Richard: "Oh, Dennis seems nice enough. The bigger problem, for me, is that downtown is too family-friendly. Sometimes I'm in a hurry to get from one bar to another and there's a fucking baby in the way, or a dog. I think we need to turn downtown into a pedestrian-only 'entertainment district' along the lines of a Bourbon or Beale Street, with PBR stands on every corner."

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Occasionally local hipsters get bored with just hanging at the Replay and playing in bands and decide to do something more interesting, such as making a collage or a movie.

The duo (Scary Manilow and Curvacia Vavoom) behind Larryville's favorite rockabilly/hipster band The Spook Lights have spent the last three years making a film called It Starts With Murder, a two-and-a-half hour opus that gets its local premiere next Wednesday at Liberty Hall (before being relegated to DVD and shown perpetually at various hipster parties around town where guests get shitfaced on Hamm's and watch themselves on screen).

Here's the plot summary from Lawrence.com: "Guests at a gaudy island resort (in this case, interior shots of the Jackpot Saloon and the filmmakers' basement stitched together with exterior shots of a Mexican beach resort) start dropping like flies, meeting the business end of a masked murderer's knife. Fortunately for the island's hapless law enforcement, one of these guests happens to be world-renowned super sleuth, Miss Mandrake."

According to Manilow, making a film proved to be unexpectedly difficult: "Our lives were work, movie, and band. We didn't go on vacation, we didn't get to go out at night — we had no life at all.”

Richard: "Well, I saw them 'out' a bunch of times. But maybe they were scouting locations or chatting up potential investors. At any rate, I look forward to seeing the film."

UDK Headline of the Week: "Crime Infests Student Ghetto" / Plus, This Week in Local Theatre! / And the Boys Look At the "Sexiest Woman Alive!"

If you weren't shocked enough by that headline, the UDK's in-depth report on various incidents that have plagued residents in recent months will surely be enough to startle you. Let's look at a few examples:

"Jason said he entered a downstairs bathroom where he found an intoxicated college-aged man standing near the vomit-covered sink, toilet and walls. He said the man had even removed some clothing and appeared to be preparing to take a shower...
Jason’s girlfriend called the police...“The cop said to me, ‘You’d be surprised how much this happens, it happens all the time...’”

And this:

"Although Michael had been drinking that night, he said his memory of the event was pretty clear. He remembers the man acting disagreeably and arguing with him as they walked, possibly demanding a piece of pizza Michael was eating."

The only solution, quite obviously, is to build a lighted walkway from campus to downtown (as city fathers are considering), or perhaps (as Chip has suggested) a gondola descending into downtown from the top of the new resort hotel on campus.

Richard: "These are indeed terrifying incidents, and it's enough to make me not want to eat pizza in an alley at 3:00 a.m, but at the same time I wonder if we shouldn't be slightly more concerned about Larryville's serial rapist."

Chip: "The UDK forgot to include the story about the drunk kid who made off with an ambulance downtown over the weekend. Now that's hilarious...except maybe to the person who needed the ambulance."

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The boys love the work of the Larryville Community Theatre (Chip: "If there's a better American play from the last few decades than Nunsense, I certainly don't know of it. Singing and dancing nuns are just inherently funny."). And starting this weekend the play is branching out from their usual musical selections with a work called Cups, "which tells a woman’s life story through the brassieres she has owned" (LJ-World).

Chip: "Somehow I imagine this play is going to give me a boner. Also, it seems that someone should write a play about men's underwear, and the various boners they have experienced in those underwear over the years, and that the person to write that play should be me, and that it should be called 'Tightie-Whities: A Boner Story."

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Kate Beckinsale has just been voted Esquire's "sexiest woman alive" in this year's poll. Here's the cover:




















And here's an excerpt from the article:

"'Fuck, it's hot in here,' is the first thing she says, jangling me out of the ungovernable vibe of the room."


How do the boys feel about Beckinsale?

Richard: "I'm not sure she's the sexiest woman alive, but she's almost hot enough to make we watch Underworld 3: Rise of the Lycans. Almost."

Chip: "I can name you three Quinton's waitresses who are sexier, but don't get me wrong, I enjoy the way she describes the weather and would love to discuss it further with her...while boning."

The Boys Country Corner Returns! / Plus, A. Ruscin's Hipster Photo of the Week

The boys are huge fans of Toby Keith and always enjoy examining the lyrics of his newest work. The title track of the new Keith album is "American Ride," and from the opening verse it's clear that Keith is becoming an increasingly important voice of social and political commentary:

"Winter gettin colder, summer gettin warmer.
Tidal wave comin cross the Mexican border.
Why buy a gallon, its cheaper by the barrel.
Just dont be busted singin Christmas carols."

Richard: "Notice how the second line can be read as either a continuation of the global warming fears of the first line or as a warning of the dangers of immigration. Keith's work is more subtle here, but no less powerful for it."

Chip: "Perhaps, but most of his audience won't be able to interpret the new song. I miss the plain-spoken Keith who would have simply threatened to put his boot in the ass of those immigrants!"


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In this tender photo (taken by famed local hipster photographer A. Ruscin at a recent show by the Oh Sees), we see a hipster who is all tuckered out from too many Hamm's taking a quick nap on the shoulder of his squinty-eyed friend.

The Boys Read Playboy Magazine! . /Richard Attends Larryville's Third Annual Zombie Walk!

Thanks to the interweb, we all have a world of excellent hardcore pornography literally at our fingertips, which has made past tools for beating off, such as Playboy magazine, seem a little...quaint (Chip: "Playboy leaves me semi-erect at best." Richard: "These days, I actually DO read it for the articles."). However, the boys, being long-time fans of The Simpsons, are intrigued by the upcoming issue of Playboy featuring Marge on the cover.

Chip: "Finally, it's going to feel more normal to have a boner for Marge."

The issue hits shelves this Friday, and you can expect to see the boys in line with their copy sandwiched discreetly between a copy of The New Yorker and Cigar Afficionado.


















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Sure, this year's Zombie Walk took place (somewhat mysteriously) late on a frigid Sunday evening in early October, but that didn't stop upwards of 150 hipsters from dressing up as zombies and parading up and down Mass. Street to the delight of, oh, maybe a dozen or so fans. Richard took his customary position in the window of Harbour Lights, where he saw such sights as: a frat boy zombie with a case of Natty Light; a zombie pulling along her dead zombie dog; and a zombie reading The Zombie Handbook.

Here's a look (which contains none of those aforementioned sights):







































































Chip: "Idiots, every last one of them."

The LC Shows You Proof of Ghosts!

Occasionally Richard likes to slip out of Larryville for a few days to go on ghost-hunting expeditions, such as this weekend's trip to the legendarily haunted Crescent Hotel in Eureka Springs. The Crescent's ghost tour (as featured on SyFy's "Ghost Hunters") encourages guests to take numerous photos, explaining that the ghosts may not actually be witnessed during the tour but will almost certaily appear in the pictures. Let's see if it's true!

In this first photo, we see Room 218, supposedly the most haunted room in the hotel (but they are all haunted). According to the tour guide, women often find themselves mysteriously "poked" while showering here, and a woman once heard a ghost urinating in the bathroom.

Chip: "A ghost piss?"















In this next photo, we are waiting for a ghost to emerge from the elevator, but it turned out just to be a guest of the hotel (or WAS it?).

















But here, readers, in this final photo, you may want to click to enlarge and examine the mysterious orb of light on the stairwell in the upper right corner (which Richard does NOT remember when taking this photo). Obviously, it's some sort of ghostly aura, and we can only assume this picture will get us some publicity since it's scarier than most of the purported proof of aliens floating around on the interweb.
















Was the tour worthwhile? Sure. As you can tell from these photos, it was pretty fucking terrifying. At the same time, however, it does cost as much as two cases of PBR or five trips to the Replay, so it's not necessarily recommended for hipsters.

The LC Takes the Weekend Off!

Our sharpest readers may have noted the lack of new material yesterday. It's because Richard has been in Eureka Springs hunting ghosts (ghost photos coming soon!) and Chip has been...doing whatever Chip does (probably eating a nice chicken-fried steak).

But we'll return next week with new installments including the LJ-World's in-depth story about how Aldr.ch and Coll.ns enjoy walking to class together!

LJ-World Sports Editorial of the Week / Local Hipsters Start a Dodgeball League!

After weeks of calling for the heads of everyone involved in the recent football/basketball brawls, the LJ-World's Tom Keegan has taken a long hard look at the men's basketball rankings and decided...it's time to forgive and forget. Here's an excerpt from today's piece:

"All of which brings us to the question of the day: Would you, the Kansas basketball fan who has read about members of your team getting into multiple fights with members of the football team, using offensive language on Facebook, and read about one player, Brady Morningstar getting suspended for the first semester after missing curfew and being arrested for suspicion of driving while intoxicated, trade your team for any of the other 346 college basketball teams?

Of course you wouldn’t. Why would you? Your team is ranked No. 1 in the three preseason college basketball magazines spread out on my desk."


Chip: "He's exactly right. As of now, I wouldn't mind if Cole "The Sherriff" Aldr.ch climbed up on the campanile and opened fire, sniper-style."


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With the kickball season officially over, local hipsters, needing another children's sport to play, have formed the "Bleeding Kansas Dodgeball League," currently packing the East Lawrence (of course!) Rec Center on Sunday evenings. Lawrence.com's article on the subject offers this quote:

“We welcome non-kickball people to play, but we do have a specific way of playing,” warns Santos ["founder and commissioner" of the BKDL]. “Some people’s sensibilities might get hurt. We are trash talkers, we throw the ball hard, and we throw it hard at girls because we’re not sexist.

In its first season, the league seems to have only attracted about a dozen teams, but some of those are important hipster establishments such as Dempsey's Burger Stand, Wild Man Vintage, and Astro Kitty, which means the league is important and you should start attending.

Here's a look at the competition:

Recent Concert Reviews

Sure, true hipsters gave up on Wilco two albums ago, when they abandoned their streak of "experimental" albums and finally began to settle comfortably into a more stable, often mellower, sound which now sometimes gets them termed as "dad rock."

Even so, there were still plenty of local hipsters among the dads and hippie kids who filled KC's Crossroads to capacity last night for 2 and a half hour set of what Tweedy termed "squash-colored, autumnal numbers" (also in attendance: a fair amount of second-tier Chicago hipsters who weren't hip enough to get tickets for the perpetually sold-out Chicago shows).

The Pitch's Wayward Blog offers a review from local hipster Richard Gint.wt (who our Richard knows from local shows), which reveals his respect for the band while still taking a somewhat jaded approach to their regular stops in KC:

"If you love Wilco, you go to every show. And you still eat it up every time Jeff Tweedy screams "Nuthin!" during "Misunderstood" and you still clamor for "Outtasite (Outta Mind)" during the second encore...Wilco will undoubtedly be back in the spring, playing another 28 songs and trading barbs with their audience of longtime friends and neighbors. And we'll be there too, because that's what we do when Wilco rolls through town."


Richard (N.ggle): "Couldn't have said it better myself, Gint.wt!"

Chip: "Who's Wilco?"

With Cl.thier out of town at the moment, almost no one will be interested in this next bit but fuck it: here's the set list!

Wilco (The Song)
I Am Trying to Break Your Heart
Bull Black Nova
You Are My Face
One Wing
A Shot In the Arm
Radio Cure
Impossible Germany
At Least That's What You Said
One By One
I'll Fight
Handshake Drugs
Sonny Feeling
Hate It Here
Can't Stand It
Jesus, Etc.
Walken
I'm the Man Who Loves You
(Encore 1) Misunderstood
I'm Always in Love
You Never Know
California Stars
Kingpin
(Encore 2) The Late Greats
Monday
Outtasite (Outta Mind)
Hoodoo Voodoo
I Am A Wheel

Chip: "Oh, I've heard 'Jesus, etc' on the radio! I would probably have left after that song if I'd been there."

The Boys' Examine the Blending of Hipster and Geek Culture / Also: Photo of the Week: Juggalos!

Of course, the boys were jocks when they were growing up, and as such they were taught that nerds and geeks were to be scoffed at and spit upon. Therefore, it's been a hard adjustment in recent years as "geek" culture has increasingly become something to be celebrated. In Larryville, the "nerd rap" of Greg Enemy (with his "fly ass glasses") continues to pack the dancefloors at hipster bars, and local comic book store Astro Kitty has shared a long relationship with the Jackpot Saloon, which hosts their occasional "drink and draw" nights, where presumably everyone sits around and draws pictures of unicorns and shit. In another upcoming collaboration, the Jackpot will host "Super Nerd Night," described as follows:

"For a low cover price, you can gain access to a world of geek-centric drink specials, bar-side old school video-gaming, a Nintendo DS multi-player "lounge", multiple Magic:TG events, Drink & Draw areas, Street Fighter IV big-screen tourney, and all set to a backdrop of anime, cartoons, and chiptunes!"

Sure, it may be hip, but it may also be the first night in the history of the Jackpot when nobody gets laid at the end of the evening.




















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Readers, if you suffer from coulrophobia (fear of clowns), let us hope that you were not in downtown Larryville on Saturday. The Insane Clown Posse's show at the Granada meant that the streets were overrun throughout the day by the ICP's terrifying fanbase, the "juggalos," who possess a strange love for a drink called grape Faygo and a penchant for freaking out passersby (a very large juggalo loomed over poor Richard and whispered "Boo" as he walked by, at which point he cowered in a nearby alley for some time until they had all entered the Granada).

The Pitch's website offers a slideshow of the band and their fans' visit to Larryville, including this surprisingly touching shot of a pair of juggalos who got married prior to the show:














Chip: "You can just look at certain couples and sense they'll be together forever."

LJ-World Sports Story of the Week! / Plus, Recent Local Album Reviews

No, this is not another story about the football/basketball brawl and its fallout. Today's LJ-World offers a more inspiring tale...of a young local couple who have named their children after local sports celebrities. Yes, their two year old son is named Manning and their newborn daughter is named Reesing.

The article offers this description of the new baby's room:

"The recently arrived Reesing, meanwhile, will grow up with a less-subtle reminder of her folks’ favorite quarterback. In her room, Urish has painted “REESING” in dark pink letters — yes, in KU’s signature Trajan font — that stretch from ceiling to floor."

The father suggests that, if they have another son, he will likely be named Chamberlain (Chip: "That boy will grow up to get a lot of pussy.").

Will this inspire the boys' to name their future progeny after their own favorite players? Almost certainly!

Richard: "I plan to name my firstborn son Tyshawn. Sure, his participation in a brawl was embarrassing, but his devotion to free speech, however stupid, on his Facebook statuses afterward was quite admirable."

Chip: "My first boy will be called Sherron, because I want to instill in him a pride in his body and teach him that it's fine to want to wave your willy around on an elevator on occasion."


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As we reported over the weekend, Larryville favorites the Rooftop Vigilantes received the Pitch's "local album of the year" award, but they had some praise left over for the Transmittens' album as well:

"One of the best aspects of Danny Rowland and Jen Weidl's synth-pop is that it isn't trying to be adorable."

Cl.thier: "Yes, I'm sure that a cute harmonizing couple who play songs about 'sparklemittens' on toy instruments has no interest at all in seeming 'adorable.'"

Recent Adventures: Zombie Fashion Show / And the Boys Read Esquire Magazine!

As predicted, hipsters packed their favorite bar (Replay) to see their favorite monster (zombies) parade up and down a catwalk to showcase fashions from various local stores (Beyond the Door: hippie zombies!) and designers (Katy Seib.l, you are even sexy when you're zombiefied!).

The first sign that the Replay's third annual fashion show had reached what Malcolm Gladwell might call its "tipping point" of hipness was that it dispensed with its former puntuality and attempts at professionalism, instead starting 90 minutes late with no explanation or apologies and consisting of more intermissions than models. Still, there was fun to be had. Our host for the evening was a TapRoom bartender in a cowboy hat who filled the lulls between models with witty zombie jokes such as: "What's pink and red and 18-inches long and can't turn corners easily?" "A zombie baby with a spear through it!" [On the previous evening, this same fellow served beers to Richard at the Tap while explaining his new tattoo to several adoring customers: "It's a persimmon tree taken from a Tibetan text which externalizes my personal mythology."]. And some of the models did offer inspired takes on the zombie walk (it takes a long fucking time for a zombie to traverse a catwalk, as they are notoriously slow), while other hipsters apparently didn't understand the evening's theme and ventured into vampirism and werewolfery. The boys give the evening 2 out of 4 PBR's and are looking forward to next Sunday's Zombie Walk down Mass. Street.

Here's a picture of Ms. Seib.l from www.inkkc.com and if you skip to 4:25 in the accompanying sidebar video you can see interviews with the aforementioned TapRoom bartender and Ms. Seib.l, who mentions that her favorite movie is Harold and Maude (Richard: "Mine too, Katy!").




















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Being real men, the boys have always been faithful readers of Esquire magazine ("Man at his best," according to its motto), and particulary of its "Women We Love" feature, which sometimes introduces the boys to women they'd like to bone which they somehow may have overlooked. This month's choice, Abbie Cornish, who stars as Fanny Brawne in Jane Campion's new film about John Keats, is a good example. Let's take a look at a bit of Esquire's purple prose:

"Like so many of her fellow Australians, her wanderlust seems almost genetic, an inbred need to see something more of the world, someplace else, as if to confirm its true existence. She leans against the railing and searches the horizon, the array of lean-muscled surfers in the middle distance, her honey-colored eyes behind green-tinted aviators, the breeze touching her golden, flyaway hair. She talks about soaking up sun in San Sebastián, on the Basque coast of Spain; of Morocco's sensual dichotomy between light and dark; of living in an empty house in a village in Brazil with two male friends, sleeping in hammocks, studying the martial art capoeira. She drinks Asian "bubble tea" from a plastic cup, compliments of her publicist. There are tapioca pearls at the bottom; they rise in single file through an overlarge straw, her lips the naked pink of an ingenue."

Chip: "I'd love to talk to her about Morocco's sensual dichotomy between light and dark...while boning her!"

Richard: "This settles it: I'm going to see the Keats film."

The Boys Consider PitchWeekly's Annual "Best of Kansas City" Picks!

The boys love the Pitch's "Best of KC" awards, especially the few slots they kindly devote to Larryville restaurants and bands(are we a KC suburb too, somehow?).

Representing Larryville this time is beloved downtown sushi restaurant Wa (which the Pitch praises for their "Sean Connery rolls"). Personally, the boys prefer the downtown Yokohama sushi joint, sometimes considered the "sorostitute sushi" restaurant since it often plays host to large groups of girls totally "bombed" on sake bombs.

And on the music front, LC-approved band Rooftop Vigilantes take the "best local album" prize for Carrot Atlas. The Pitch describes their work as "music by fuckups for fuckups."

Chip: "Couldn't have said it better myself."

And the annual list often gets the boys intrigued enough to make a KC trip and explore new destinations such as Manifesto, which wins the award for "best speakeasy" (how many honest to goodness speakeasies are there in KC, really?). Apparently recently praised by the NY-Times, the underground Manifesto lies behind "a nondescript alley door downwind of whatever trashbags have accumalated nearby." The place does not allow cellphones and supposedly enforces strict rules such as banning "gentlemen" from "brazen come-ons," which probably means that Chip and Richard wouldn't last long with their well-worn pick-up lines such as "You must have a mirror in your pocket, because I can totally see myself in your pants."

See you at the speakeasy, readers (and at the zombie fashion show tonight!).

(Not So) Hipster Pick of the Day! / A. Ruscin's Hipster Photos of the Week!

Readers, if you happen to see 90's pop favorites Hanson walking barefoot across campus this afternoon, rest assured that it's not just a terrifying dream or a drug-induced hallucination. No, the brothers are making a stop at KU on their "Use Your Sole" tour, which "is partnered with TOMS shoes Talk the Walk campaign which raises money for AIDS research and donates shoes to children in need" (UDK).

The Hansons are slated to perform a few acoustic songs outside Allen Fieldhouse at 3:00.

Richard: "This may be so unhip it's hip. I'll be there."

Chip: "Me too, and I hope they play 'Mmmbop,' which is the song I plan to use for my wedding dance."


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We love A. Ruscin's hipster photo galleries on Lawrence.com, but she may have outdone herself with this week's look at the recent Casiotone for the Painfully Alone show at the Replay. Each photo is more fascinating (and sometimes disturbing) than the last. We offer two for your consideration here. In the first, two hipsters show their tattoos. In the second, two hipsters make out (or pretend to) while holding a can of Hamm's and a book. We encourage you to click the pictures to enlarge and peruse the details (and if anyone can figure out what book the dude is holding, please let us know!).

The Boys Consider Local Safety Issues / And More Zombie-Fashion Coverage!

Due to the ever-increasing number of shitfaced college students getting mugged as they stumble through the student ghetto after the bars close, student groups are pressing city fathers to construct an official well-lighted "pedestrian pathway" between KU and downtown. What do the boys think?

Chip: "I suppose it's a good idea as far as safety goes, but I do sort of enjoy the darkness when I'm hammered on the way home and suddenly feel the need to rub one out in the bushes."

Richard: "This is all well and good, but I'm far more worried about getting caught in the middle of a brawl between our sports teams than I am about being mugged."

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The Replay's "Adorn of the Dead" zombie-fashion show is (deservedly) getting a lot of press in the local media. An article today offers these thoughts on zombies:

“I love the zombie theme,” says model Victoria Ashley Partridge, who will be wearing a piece by Lawrence designer Katy Seib.l and gobs of death pallor makeup. “That was the kicker. When Katy told me it was going to be zombie-themed, I said I was definitely interested. The more gore I wear, the better. They can put wounds on me. I’m kind of hoping they’ll give me a severed appendage as a prop, or maybe a bloody stuffed animal I can drag on a leash. Yeah, I like zombies.” (Lawrence.com).

A slideshow on Lawrence.com offers a glimpse of some of the models and proves that one can indeed walk a catwalk with PBR in hand: