Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Local Citizens Consider Today's Presidential Address to Schoolchildren / Pitchfork Endorses a Local Band (sadly, it's not the Transmittens)

The President's address to the nation's schoolchildren today has, of course, been under much scrutiny, with the Right apparently convinced it may contain subliminal socialist messages and perhaps a graphic explanation of "death panels." Larryville schoolchildren were given the choice of "opting out" of watching the address if a parent contacts their teachers in advance.

Chip: "I guess I'm a little surprised that anyone in liberal Larryville would mind. According to many in Forttt Scottt, Larryville children are required to kiss Obama's picture each day as they enter the building and swear a socialist oath each afternoon."

Let's take a look at the LJ-World message board to get a (presumably) non-satirical conservative take on the controversy, which we'll quote here at length.

mindylogan83 writes:

"ok I got the opt out letter today for my son and I say ok i figured if my whole country voted for him then can he be that bad it seems like everybody had bummper stickers and wanted him as president but I am starting to fell like they didnt want him as a president they just wanted him cause they wanted to finnelly have a color person cause from most post on this they dont like him why vote for him if you dont like his belives and before you tear me down i didnt vote at all I didnt think any one of them had my belives I am a christen and dont believe in abortion or gay or other thinks he believed in I only believe in the bible and what it says."

Chip: "Most people in Forttt Scottt also do not believe in 'abortion' or 'gay.'"


It's a happy day for Larryville hipsters, as Pitchfork has given a (more or less) positive "track review" to Chomp Womp recording artists Baby Birds Don't Drink Milk's song "Train Fuzz":

"Here we have a specimen from a band from Lawrence, Kansas, called Baby Birds Don't Drink Milk (uh…) that appears as embryonic My Morning Jacket. We get some doleful guitar and unintelligible vocals crying out from the womb, like a cat on the porch muffled from the inside drywall..."Train Fuzz" is such an appealing slice of sound, it's almost as if songwriting would spoil the effect."

Richard: "You better get there early for the next BBDDM show because the hipsters are going to be out in force now."

Chip: "The vocals of all local bands sound to me like a muffled cat. Nice description."

Cl.thier: "Am I the only motherfucker here who thinks songwriting is important?"


baby babies drink milk said...

Unintentional irony ("(uh)") from the Pitchfork reviewer!

Guess whose back? said...

...and since I have returned, I'd just like to say:

FUCK Pitchfork.

FUCK the Police. (Great Record, Strong Lyrics.)

And FUCK Pitchfork again... right up their sweet brown asshole. -s. All of their assholes. In a row.


--Clothier would bitch up MC Chris in the shitty.

Anonymous said...

Yah and also fuck the haters who demand proper grammar!

--you can haz your fucking cheezeburger!

(What is that shit about anyway? Geez, a guy leaves for a month or so and the LOL Catz! are taking over Lawrence...)

look what you missed said...

Dr. X, you missed all the controversy when the LC (me) was taken to task (anonymously) for its (my) perversity!

So now I direct folks to cuter sites in the header (while still offering pornographic suggestions in the main body!).

We've come for your daughter, Chuck said...

The fuck they think this place is for?

And who is this stranger stumbling upon the longest running bullshit project in Lawrence with it's long and vested history of making the ladies in the shoehut upset and getting their computer privs revoked (And that's all on me ladies :))?

If we can't curse and shit and make Kip say shit he actually kinda says but is actually far funnier because now people can publicly hear his asshattery... here -- where can we? Highway overpasses? Bathroom stalls?

Fuck that. If you don't like the shit we serve here -- go eat at the fucking cheezeburger shack.

--Yah, It's been far too long since I have done this.

have it OUR way! said...

I think Dr. X. has just served up our new motto:

"If you don't like the shit we serve here -- go eat at the fucking cheezeburger shack."

Oh let's just say this is Trixie said...

I do what I can.

--and I want 10% on all t-shirts/ bumper stickers.