Sunday, September 20, 2009

The Boys' Book Club Considers...Oprah's Book Club! / The Boys' Box Office Report: Jennifer's Body

Like most serious readers in America, the boys read whatever Oprah tells them to read, and her newest choice is a major departure for her book club. For the first time in its history, Oprah has chosen a book of short stories (Uwen Akpan's Say You're One of Them), leading various literary types to hope that her decision might spark new interest in a genre that's typically overlooked by the book-buying public.

Presumably this is Oprah's intention, right? Probably she's a major fan of the genre and wants her vast following to venture beyond their comfort zones? Or maybe not. Here's her thoughts on the majority of contemporary short fiction: "...usually short stories leave you wanting something and you're like, 'Huh, what happened?'"

Chip: "Exactly right. That's the best description of contemporary short fiction that I've ever read. Myself, I'm rereading the portions of Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters that feature the shitting monkey."

Richard: "Ten bucks say Oprah is actually reading Dan Brown's The Lost Symbol. I know I am. Those Freemasons are fucking scary, man!"


Horny fanboys are in quite a dilemma this weekend with the opening of the Diablo Cody-penned horror-comedy Jennifer's Body. On one hand, few people are more hated on geek websites than Cody, for reasons that are somewhat obscure (the fact that her dialogue is overly stylized seems the typical criticism which, keep in mind, is coming from people who mostly read comic books). But on the other hand, it stars the ultra hot Megan Fox, who is loved by fanboys for being beautiful while simultaneously hated for being arrogant.

A quick look at the Aint It Cool News talkbacks reveals posts with titles such as:




And someone named CarlThorMark1978 takes time to fully explain his critique:

"With Jennifer’s Body, the lesbian overtones are only there because Cody thinks that its “edgy” to have teenage girls kissing each other while [director] Kusama is amazed that she gets paid to watch Amanda Seyfried and Megan Fox kiss each other on set. What I find interesting is that you don’t hear lesbians complaining about how their sexuality is being used for light titillation in this movie while it avoids the reality of girls eating each other out in a 69, scissor fucking or fisting which would probably get it an INSTANT NC-17 from those fascists at the MPAA. Kusama, Cody and Fox are nothing more then lipstick lesbos putting on a show for horny geekboys."

Richard: "This 'horny geekboy' is headed to a matinee right now!"


Listen, here, Scissor Fuck! said...

Hey! Hey!

Fuck you, Fatties!

We comic book nerds know exactly what we want: Diablo Cody eating Megan Fox's ass while fucking Angelina Jolie tongue fucks her entire body with a jello pudding pop!

--Now, that's a fucking movie. ...and the whole thing would be scored by Beck!

big love! said...

Wait, wait! Don't forget Amanda Seyfried!

Captain Awesome & the Fuck Police said...

Her ass is not of a high enough calibre to get into that fuck tussel!

--Only the superior smurf tang gets past this fuck patrol!

Jimmie Bo Dean and the Fuck Bunnies said...

Now, THIS is the kinda vulgar shit that will move us from the free shoe crowd into the high-paying world of advertising revenue.

--I think Megan's succubus should tangle with Harry Lupus and Kip the Werebear in a battle royale of monster megafucking! (Fan fiction is HUGE!)

a fan of that fiction said...

Oh, once you see Seyfried tongue-wrestling Fox, you'll take that back!

But, yes, Harry Lupus might resurface once more to bang Megan Fox (while Kip! the Werebear watches). But this will be only on the new porn blog!

scissor sisters! said...

So Jennifer's Body is basically a revision of Juno, had Juno gotten really pissed off and starting murdering everyone? God, I hated Juno in that movie. I kept waiting for Tyler Durden to swoop in, beat the crap out of her, then calmly ask, "How's that working out for you...being clever"?

And please, N.ggle, more blogs with the phrase "scissor fucking" in them!

scissor fucking fan said...

Yeah, I'd love to put that phrase in every post, but that's the kind of thing that gets me labeled as a 40-year old pervert.