Monday, September 28, 2009

The LC Presents: Special Guest Columnists!

Sure, you're all moderately entertained by the musings of Richard and Chip, but occasionally we like to showcase other voices. Here are two of them.

First is our friend Adam, a former Larryville resident and kickball star who recently traded one hipster town for another that's even more hipster-saturated: Williamsburg, NY. Last week he wrote us in response to a recent discussion on "the death of hipster culture," and we have invited him to serve as our official foreign correspondent with pieces about NY hipsterism:

"Thanks for posting the TimeOutNY article that Hipsters must die. If that was a movement to rectify the pseudo-ironic, half-fag, anti-fag, i-don't-have-a-job-but-still-manage-to-pay-600$-in-bills-even-in-lawrence hipster movement-then bravo. if that doesn't work, send those bastards out here and i will drop them in the middle of a williamsburg friday night and let them--and their falsely erected idol (ego)-- do combat with those of the hipster elite and their "custom vintage" (i.e. 400 fuckin dollar) frye boots and stupid fucking striped shirts over second skin leggings over unmolded, lucky charm eatin, cellulite-d thighs. fuck hipsters."

And this next piece is an anonymous submission but, based on the depths of its perversity, we suspect the mysterious Dr. X has returned to the blog. Here he is weighing in on this past Saturday's Style Scout of local hipster Eric Jorgensen:

"I mean, if we're going to attack this poor monster, this lesser burrito of a man, should we not attack the schluby hat that seems to be hiding an indiscreetly receding hairline.

Losing one's hair is no excuse for a fishing attire, my paisley-plaid wearing friend. If Mr. Tim G*nn can all but expose his head as an albino baboon's ass and look fabulous with the quietest of pin-stripes, you, my friend, can have the courtesy to visit the fucking local haberdasher or at least wipe that shit-eating grin off your face.

Grade: Fail.

--Tangible hipster forecast: anyone that thinks they're hip and commits the most audacious sin of not being hip is doomed to be unlaid for the rest of his natural life. Likely this youn man will spend the better part of this evening masturbating to the dulcet tones of the Pussycat Dolls video on MTV 2 while reading Najib Aminy's Guide to Being a Hipster Douchebag as he cries himself to sleep tonight.

PS: I'd bet Red money that this silly bitch has tried to make paid donations to Pitchfork and plans to visit their Chicago offices on an ill-planned day-trip getalong adventure."

As always, thanks for reading, readers!


Gimmic Imfringement said...

Who is this angry shit, Adam?

...I like the cut of his piss slit.

I think I would very much enjoy sharing a few shots of Makers Mark while we work Kip over in his leather jumpsuit like a bunch of pipe swinging dicks.

Also: where's the scissor fucking? Does this shit not fly with the shoe shilling set (Beautiful wife of Cloth excluded... as anything that doesn't fly with a woman who smells of jerky... doesn't the fuck fly with me)?

Keep yer shit hard and flogged, America!

--That's my new catch phrase!

don't run while scissor fucking said...

The scissor-fucking post will only emerge after an in-depth investigation of lesbian porn.

Chip: "Is it the same thing as 'tribbing?'"

Anonymous said...

This blog just went x-rated. Might as well post the hipsters fucking photos for Kip now.

NC-17 said...

Nah, we prefer to be rated NC-17 (due to our "artistic" leanings).

Anonymous said...

Never print those fotos.

For the love of my biscuits and creme: never show the photos again!

--Noggle ruins fucking. Over and over again.

look at this hipster fucking said...

That website seems to have fizzled out. Apparently, there weren't enough photos to use, since hipsters rarely fuck.