The Boys Consider Various Zombie-Related Events / Plus, The LJ-World's Cute Animal Headline of the Day!

If hipsters truly love zombies, as we have often hypothesized, then these three events will surely be unmissable:

1) The opening of the new zombie-armageddon-comedy, Zombieland, on Friday

Chip: "I think I'll just wait for the inevitable cinematic adaptation of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies."

2) The annual Lawrence Zombie Walk down Mass. Street on Oct. 11:
http://lawrencezombiewalk.blogspot.com/

Last year Richard found himself trapped in Harbour Lights while terrifying hipster-zombies pressed themselves against the window, perhaps craving both brains and PBR's:















3) And, most importantly, the "Adorn of the Dead" zombie-fashion show at the Replay this Saturday! This is the third in a very popular series of "Fashion Monster" events which feature local businesses and designers "presenting their own interpretation of the zombie" (Lawrence.com). But you can participate too, hipsters: "All attendees are encouraged to come in their best zombie attire" (Lawrence.com).

One of the promoters of the event is the LC's favorite fashion blog (www.kansascouture.com), and we are very much hoping that Ms. Katy Seib.l will be strutting the makeshift catwalk in (skimpy) zombie attire.

Chip: "I'd totally let her nibble around on my brains."


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As we've reported many times, the LJ-World is fond of front-page animal stories (did you catch their recent report on a local alpaca farm? adorable!). But today's headline departs from the usual cutesiness in rather shocking fashion:

"Stressed out koalas dying" (LJ-World).

Chip: "I kept trying to read the article but I was crying too much."

Lew Perk.ns and Local Hipsters Consider The Sports Brawl! / Pitchfork Considers the Monsters of Folk Album / The Boys Consider the New Love Garden

Although it's now been a week since the various "fracases" or "duels" or "brawls" between the men's football and basketball teams, Larryville is still dealing with the fallout.

In a twenty-minute speech prior to Saturday's football game, KU athletic director Lew Perk.ns called the event "the most complicated thing I've ever dealt with in my whole life" and a "black eye on our university and the state of Kansas" (LJ-World), Perhaps a more appropriate metaphor would have been something like "This event has dislocated the thumb of Kansas," but we get his point. Even respected veteran basketball star Sherron Collins stepped forward last week with an inspiring speech about how players must avoid "stupid" things (although we must assume Collins' definition of "stupid" is rather loose and doesn't extend to the waving around of one's dick on public elevators).

Even Lawrence.com, normally content to ignore all local sports-related stories aside from kickball, has weighed in with an interview with two random hipsters.

Jed, disagreeing with Perk.ns' assessment, says: "It's nowhere near as bad as Chalupa-gate, Moonbar-gate, or CJ Giles-gate."

But at least there's been some good news for KU athletics this week. The owner of Joe College has now been ordered to pay $667,507 to cover the legal fees accrued by the university during their copyright infringement trials, which will likely lead to the demise of the downtown souvenir shop. Stock up on those "Reesing is a hilf" shirts now, readers, while you still can, before another fucking corporate noodle shop moves into that location.

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Over the years, the work of Coner Oberst (Bright Eyes), Jim James (My Morning Jacket), and M. Ward (solo and with She and Him...oh, Zooey), has brought much joy to hipsters across the land. And now these three have teamed up to create...Monsters of Folk. It's like drinking three PBR's at once! But what does Pitchfork think of their debut album?

They give it a 6.5, writing that one of Oberst's songs "fumbles through a listless decoupage of pagan and Spanish images and lands more than once on maudlin lyrics that seem like Facebook status updates."

Chip: "Take that, Oberst!"

Richard: "I prefer the work of Jim James when he calls himself 'Yim Yames' and records EP's of George Harrison covers."

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The new Love Garden, in the former home of Olde World Pottery, is now officially open for business, albeit housing only some of the former merchandise at this time (the former location will remain open for some time yet and still serves as home to the kitties!). Judging from his recent visit there, Richard gives a pass to the new location. Although there was a definite appeal in climbing the long staircase to the old joint, as if ascending into some mysterious hipster heaven, the new locale is certainly more spacious and Nanda, behind the counter, is still very pretty.

Yesterday's LJ-World contained a good piece on the importance of the store, which included this amusing anecdote we present here in full:

"So, in walks this kid with the perfect name for an optimistic college student — Will Pass.

Really. That’s his name. And he comes flying through the door of the Love Garden, a borderline iconic record shop that has called downtown Lawrence home for nearly 20 years now. He’s obviously in a hurry and obviously a man on the move.

“I’m about to go on a five- to six-hour road trip,” he says by way of an introduction as he blocks the view of a beautiful Gordon Lightfoot album jacket that is getting primo space on the shelf. “And I need a good CD.”

These are the types of moments the guys working the Love Garden counter live for. Somebody comes in and throws them a ball of clay and tells them to mold. Not even two seconds go by before Kelly Corcoran, the store’s owner and operator, provides the answer.

“You’re going to buy this,” he says pointing to the CD that he’d just stuck into the store’s player a few moments earlier. “Relatively Clean Rivers. You don’t know it, and it rules.”

Richard: "I'm totally going to look this album up this afternoon."

Chip: "Recently I rushed in needing some Jason Mraz on vinyl and the employees all did a simultaneous spit-take with their take-out Chipotle burritos."

The LC Presents: Special Guest Columnists!

Sure, you're all moderately entertained by the musings of Richard and Chip, but occasionally we like to showcase other voices. Here are two of them.

First is our friend Adam, a former Larryville resident and kickball star who recently traded one hipster town for another that's even more hipster-saturated: Williamsburg, NY. Last week he wrote us in response to a recent discussion on "the death of hipster culture," and we have invited him to serve as our official foreign correspondent with pieces about NY hipsterism:


"Thanks for posting the TimeOutNY article that Hipsters must die. If that was a movement to rectify the pseudo-ironic, half-fag, anti-fag, i-don't-have-a-job-but-still-manage-to-pay-600$-in-bills-even-in-lawrence hipster movement-then bravo. if that doesn't work, send those bastards out here and i will drop them in the middle of a williamsburg friday night and let them--and their falsely erected idol (ego)-- do combat with those of the hipster elite and their "custom vintage" (i.e. 400 fuckin dollar) frye boots and stupid fucking striped shirts over second skin leggings over unmolded, lucky charm eatin, cellulite-d thighs. fuck hipsters."


And this next piece is an anonymous submission but, based on the depths of its perversity, we suspect the mysterious Dr. X has returned to the blog. Here he is weighing in on this past Saturday's Style Scout of local hipster Eric Jorgensen:

"I mean, if we're going to attack this poor monster, this lesser burrito of a man, should we not attack the schluby hat that seems to be hiding an indiscreetly receding hairline.

Losing one's hair is no excuse for a fishing attire, my paisley-plaid wearing friend. If Mr. Tim G*nn can all but expose his head as an albino baboon's ass and look fabulous with the quietest of pin-stripes, you, my friend, can have the courtesy to visit the fucking local haberdasher or at least wipe that shit-eating grin off your face.

Grade: Fail.

--Tangible hipster forecast: anyone that thinks they're hip and commits the most audacious sin of not being hip is doomed to be unlaid for the rest of his natural life. Likely this youn man will spend the better part of this evening masturbating to the dulcet tones of the Pussycat Dolls video on MTV 2 while reading Najib Aminy's Guide to Being a Hipster Douchebag as he cries himself to sleep tonight.

PS: I'd bet Red money that this silly bitch has tried to make paid donations to Pitchfork and plans to visit their Chicago offices on an ill-planned day-trip getalong adventure."

As always, thanks for reading, readers!

Recent Adventures: East Side Edition

Having long ago deemed his own neighborhood to be dull, Richard has for some time been a dues-paying member of the East Side Neighborhood Association, enabling him to attend their many wacky events, such as "dog parties" and block picnics.

Last night's annual block party attracted the usual mix of eccentrics and local celebrities, and Richard made the most of his opportunity to speak directly to figures such as Drakkar Sauna's Jeff Stoltz ("Your song "Debut of the Tambourine Shoe" really moves me and you pour an excellent beer at the Replay.") and former mayor "Boog" Highberger ("I totally supported Dada Day.") and that dude who hosts The Turnpike ("Why don't you ever feature any good bands on your show, like the Transmittens?").

While we chatted and drank multi-flavored Shasta from a canoe full of ice, a host of neighborhood musicians entertained us, highlighted by the long-anticipated debut of King Tosser's (surprisingly funky!) The Leotards, featuring the Tosser on guitar, his friend Stephanie on lead vocals, and a drum machine (named Irving?). Their songs about Kate Winslet certainly gave us all a boner, and Richard was pleased to serve as one of the two official photographers of the debut (photo below).

Later, in a miraculous moment (which some thought was rigged by a local minister), Richard won a raffle for a pair of Dirty Projectors tickets, declaring it "the best thing that ever happened to anyone on the East Side." His odds, however, were pretty good, since only two people had bought a raffle ticket for that particular prize (sorry, Darren!).

Hipster Pick of the Day: The Leotards at the East Side Block Party! / Also: The LC Checks in With "Style Scout!"

Sure, there are more obvious hipster choices for the day. For instance, Fourth of July and Naomi What? will be taking their legions of hipster followers to a rare Jazzhaus show, where the usual fun-loving crowd who goes there to dance along to regional funk bands will surely be entirely baffled by What?'s bouncy Yo La Tengo covers and by all the fans standing quietly in the back with PBR's, steadfastly refusing to enjoy themselves in any outwardly noticeable fashion. And over at the Replay, the Ants will be doing...whatever it is that the Ants do (their Myspace lists their influences as: "savory, history, contra-sandinista, shia-sunni, norf-souf...").

But the true action may be at Hobb's Park, and we're not talking kickball. We're talking the local debut of Larryville's most-feared, least-seen band: The Leotards, starring LC-fan King Tosser and a drum machine (which presumably has a name of its own). Supposedly strongly influenced by New Order, we expect the annual East Side Block Party to turn into a full-on dance party or a booze-fueled orgy or a street brawl (perhaps all at once).

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It's been too long since we checked in with Lawrence.com's Style Scout, so let's take a look at the newest edition (compiled by one Ms. Katy Seib.l!) and see what's fashionable.

Eric Jorgensen, 24, is unafraid to label himself a "hipster" (most deny the charge), describing his style as "L.A. hipster meets New Haven prep." His fashion influences are "Heath Ledger, Jude Law, Brad Pitt, my friend David Jones and the movie “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button," and his attire of choice is "a slim, well tailored light gray suit." His Style Scout secret is that "I’m a lip-biter when I kiss a girl."

Chip: "Do girls like a lip-biter? I thought light nibbling was preferred?"

Judging from the picture, Jorgensen's suit must have been at the cleaner that day. Ladies, is he stylish, or isn't he?

Hipster Pick of the Weekend: A Kickball Documentary! / Also: Recent Concert Reviews

In a clever bit of counter-programming, the Spencer Art Museum will screen a Chicago-set kickball documentary called Left Field at 2:00 on Saturday while a real, live, actual sport is happening at nearby Memorial Stadium (KU vs. Southern Miss). Our intrepid local film critics at Scene-Stealers offer this description of the film's thesis:

By glimpsing the life stories of a select number of kickballers, [director] Steger posits that there might be more to their tight-knit community than merely suspended adolescence. Are they philosophical journeymen (and women) searching for more out of adulthood than the constricting template of getting married and raising a family? Or are they simply putting off the cold, hard slap in the face that comes with middle age?

Richard: "Yes, when I see the drunken guy in a Pooh Bear costume at Hobbs Field, I say to myself every time, 'That guy's a 'philosophical journeyman.'"


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The boys didn't make it to the recent set by Thee Oh Sees at the Jackpot, but one of the Pitch's Wayward Blog reviewers offers this nice assessment:

Thee Oh Sees set is best described if I just transcribe my notes, scribbled in the dark while rocking my head and tapping my foot. It reads, in barely legible handwriting: 'Thee Oh Sees are a fucking party band. The set-up is on the floor like a basement show & it works. Krautrock influence like whoa.' It's been a long time since I've seen a crowd at the Jackpot so riled up, and who would have thought all any band had to do was set up in front of the stage? People were losing their shit...There's an added quality when you have a chance to look at something up close, a relationship with the band you don't get when they're standing on a stage three feet above you."

Richard: "Any time a hipster band does anything slightly apart from the 'norm,' such as playing a toy instrument, the crowd is convinced they are witnessing history in the making. Setting up on the floor? All one has to do is walk across the street to the Replay to see a band at eye-level any night of the week."

The Changing Face of Larryville: Vermont Street BBQ Slated to Close on Sunday / Also: A "Fracas" Becomes a "Feud!"

In spite of (or perhaps because of?) its proximity to one of America's great barbecue cities, Larryville has never managed to develop much of a barbecue culture of its own, although a few spots have made a name for themselves with various demographics. Biggs caters to the fratty crowds. Biemer's (the true best in town) appeals to the working class. And Vermont Street, after leaving its original home on said street to open a spot along Mass, became the go-to spot for hipsters (who don't actually care much for barbecue but enjoyed the PBR specials).

But the venue is closing this Sunday (reportedly not because it is failing finanically but simply so its owner can pursue other interests), and an as-yet-unspecified new restaurant will soon take over the location.

Chip: "I predict another fucking noodle house will move in. But I hope it's something corporate, like a nice Chili's, my personal favorite place to get my ribs on."

Richard: "Despite the statements of the owner, one can only imagine they have lost at least some business to Dempsey's Burger Stand, which certainly seems to be attracting the same kind of hipster who likes to believe he/she is a bit of a foodie because they've sampled the sweet-potato fries at every joint in town."

Chip: "I went to Dempsey's once and they asked me if I wanted some 'granny smith apple chutney' on my burger. I've rarely been so confused."

Richard: "It's overrated. I prefer Five Guys Burgers and Fries, mainly because it's a well-known Obama-approved chain."

Chip: "I tried that place too, and my burger tasted suspiciously of socialism."

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Initial reports of the KU football vs. basketball players' brawl on campus were termed a "fracas" by the LJ-World, but today's paper has upgraded the incident to a "feud," perhaps because the first night's fight led to a smaller rumpus the next morning. With national news sources latching on to the story and Tyshawn Taylor updating his Facebook page with frequent status messages such as this powerful statement he cribbed from Li'l Wayne: "Niggaz be muggin' me, you know I'm muggin' back.", the event has become quite the circus.

LJ-World sports opinion columnist Tom Keegan offers a bold challenge to Coach Self today calling for Taylor's suspension:

"KU football coach Mark Mangino has shown time and time again he doesn’t care how much talent a player has when doling out suspensions (Aqib Talib, Dezmon Briscoe). Can the same be said of basketball coach Bill Self? Not if Taylor doesn’t get suspended."


Chip: "Look, KU basketball has a long history of allowing its stars to do whatever they want without consequences, such as Collins whipping out the old johnson and waving it around on an elevator. There's no reason to start punishing people now for what was clearly just a good old-fashioned smackdown involving the honor of a young lady. In fact, it should help create just the kind of 'hostile' atmosphere Mangino has called for in press conferences."

Richard: "Exactly. And I'm headed out now to purchase the new shirt which Joe College has already prepared: 'HAWK FOOTBALL AND BASKETBALL: "Can't We All Just Get Along?'"

Today In Local Sports News: A "Fracas!" / The Boys' TV Pick of the Fall Has Arrived: Cougar Town!

The talk of the town today is, of course, the battle royale (or "fracas," as the LJ-World has termed it) that erupted on campus last night between football and basketball players, resulting in an injury for basketball star Tyshawn Taylor.

According to LJ-World opinion writer Tom Keegan, fights between football and basketball players are a common (if largely unpublicized) fact and have been for some time. Keegan claims that last night's "fracas" concerned a "dispute over a woman who used to date an athlete from one team and now dates one from another" (LJ-World).

Chip: "I knew this was either about pussy or publicity, but my money would have been on publicity. With the success of KU football, the basketball team has barely made the front page in recent weeks, which makes them insecure and violent."

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Tonight brings us the premiere of the boys' most eagerly awaited new fall series: Cougar Town, starring Courtney Cox.

Entertainment Weekly gives it a "B" and writes: "Mixing clinical realism (when did you last hear a C-section scar used as a punchline?) with ridiculous slang (a new boob job is referred to as ''gorilla heads''), Cougar Town is so brashly vulgar, it's endearing."

Richard: "Why do angry feminists never use that line about the LC: 'so brashly vulgar, it's endearing?'

The Boys Consider Today's Local Larryville Protests / Also, The Death of Hipster Culture? / And Pitchfork Takes on Pearl Jam!

Progressives love to rally for the necessity of health-care reform almost as much as conservatives love to show up and yell about "death panels," and today offers two great opportunities for local liberals to showcase some witty signs and show their unwavering support for Obama.

A "Big Insurance: Sick of It" rally is slated outside City Hall at 6:00, while other liberals with a more interesting sense of humor are rallying across the street in an event called "“Billionaires For WealthCare Kansas." Jo Anderson, local head of Moveon.org, describes the satirical aims of this rally as follows: " “We have got a lot of people who are dressing up as billionaires. Of course, they don’t want health care reform because that will not protect their billions. So they want wealth care reform.” (LJ-World).

Chip: "It's going to be funny if some real billionaires show up believing this is a serious rally."

Richard: "I'm going to take this opportunity to dress up as Scrooge McDuck, because I've been wanting to do that anyway."

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For those of you who are also "friends" with Richard on Facebook, you may have noticed our recent discussion of a piece by Christian Lorentzen in TimeOut New York called "Why the hipster must die: A modest proposal to save New York cool," which uses an interesting "hipster as zombie" metaphor to explore how hipsters have consumed and destroyed the authenticity of various subcultures in their quest for "cool."

Among the article's points is a classification of hipsters into two major types: the Sweet and the Vicious.

"We know that there are Sweet hipsters, who practice the sort of irony you can take home to meet the parents, and there are those Vicious hipsters, who practice the form of not-quite-passive aggression called snark."

Richard: "I believe the LC offers a good mix of these two."

Check out the full piece here:

http://newyork.timeout.com/articles/features/4840/why-the-hipster-must-die#ixzz0RrJLmzQU


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And speaking of snark, let's take a look at Pitchfork's 4.6 drubbing of Pearl Jam's new album Backspacer just to get our three rabid Pearl Jam fans riled up (pay attention, Beth, Dr. X, and Cl.thier!).

"The opening four songs kick-start and then keep up a certain pleasing level of propulsiveness, with the goofily fast-and-loose "Gonna See My Friend" (hey, is that an actual bassline I hear?) and Thin Lizzy-ish double entendres of "Johnny Guitar" being particularly listenable. Sooner or later, however, you remember these guys wouldn't know a melody if it bit them in the ass."

and this:

"Backspacer, the group's ninth studio album, seems to suggest in its tossed-off 37 minutes that Pearl Jam have no greater concern and regard for what they do than the rest of the world can muster."

and this:

"Once upon a time this was a group that was on top of the world and yet still took all kinds of bizarre chances, recording shit like lengthy tape experiments and songs about bugs-- often ridiculously self-indulgent, sure, yet always surprising."



Richard: "Exactly! I mean, the most important thing I've heard on record this year is Neko Case's half-hour of frog noises at the end of Middle Cyclone. If Pearl Jam would do stuff like that again, I'd totally give them my hipster-money instead of saving up to buy the new Big Star box-set."

The Boys Consider The Big 12 Cheerleader Rankings!

Sure, it's great to have a powerhouse football team in Larryville again, but we must also have cheerleaders that are hot enough to keep everyone properly excited ("and horny"--Chip). Luckily, www.bleacherreport.com considers KU's cheerleaders the 3rd hottest in the Big 12, following Texas and Oklahoma State. We highly recommend the site's amusing commentary on each school's cheerleaders, such as these thoughts on Oklahoma State:

"It's rumored that oil tycoon and Okie State patriarch T. Boone Pickens hand-selects his cheerleaders from the world's hottest bevies, soaking them in bourbon sauce and aging them in oak barrels for several months before trotting them out for big showdowns. Their wood-and-jerky infused aroma is irresistible to players hailing from south of the Mason-Dixon."

Perhaps Cl.thier will write in and let us know if this is true.

The site doesn't make quite clear whether the rankings are solely based on hotness or whether personality and general sluttiness are factored in, but we're certainly proud of the ranking, if somewhat embarrassed by the site's implication that star quarterback Reesing only likes to bang older women instead of the nubile ladies on the field. The site even includes the following picture:

















Chip: "The site may imply that he prefers women such as this, but the truth, as most of us know, is that our local sports stars slowly and methodically bang their way through EVERY woman in town."

The Boys' Book Club Considers...Oprah's Book Club! / The Boys' Box Office Report: Jennifer's Body

Like most serious readers in America, the boys read whatever Oprah tells them to read, and her newest choice is a major departure for her book club. For the first time in its history, Oprah has chosen a book of short stories (Uwen Akpan's Say You're One of Them), leading various literary types to hope that her decision might spark new interest in a genre that's typically overlooked by the book-buying public.

Presumably this is Oprah's intention, right? Probably she's a major fan of the genre and wants her vast following to venture beyond their comfort zones? Or maybe not. Here's her thoughts on the majority of contemporary short fiction: "...usually short stories leave you wanting something and you're like, 'Huh, what happened?'"

Chip: "Exactly right. That's the best description of contemporary short fiction that I've ever read. Myself, I'm rereading the portions of Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters that feature the shitting monkey."

Richard: "Ten bucks say Oprah is actually reading Dan Brown's The Lost Symbol. I know I am. Those Freemasons are fucking scary, man!"

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Horny fanboys are in quite a dilemma this weekend with the opening of the Diablo Cody-penned horror-comedy Jennifer's Body. On one hand, few people are more hated on geek websites than Cody, for reasons that are somewhat obscure (the fact that her dialogue is overly stylized seems the typical criticism which, keep in mind, is coming from people who mostly read comic books). But on the other hand, it stars the ultra hot Megan Fox, who is loved by fanboys for being beautiful while simultaneously hated for being arrogant.

A quick look at the Aint It Cool News talkbacks reveals posts with titles such as:

"JB IS A FEMINIST WANK JOB DISGUISED AS A HORROR MOVIE"

and

"DIRECTED BY A DYKE, WRITTEN BY A WHORE, STARRING A SLUT...."

And someone named CarlThorMark1978 takes time to fully explain his critique:

"With Jennifer’s Body, the lesbian overtones are only there because Cody thinks that its “edgy” to have teenage girls kissing each other while [director] Kusama is amazed that she gets paid to watch Amanda Seyfried and Megan Fox kiss each other on set. What I find interesting is that you don’t hear lesbians complaining about how their sexuality is being used for light titillation in this movie while it avoids the reality of girls eating each other out in a 69, scissor fucking or fisting which would probably get it an INSTANT NC-17 from those fascists at the MPAA. Kusama, Cody and Fox are nothing more then lipstick lesbos putting on a show for horny geekboys."

Richard: "This 'horny geekboy' is headed to a matinee right now!"

Recent Adventures / Local Sports Photo of the Week!

On rare occasions, we like to offer our readers the tawdry details of what actually happens in local bars as the boys Chronicle their way around town.

It seems that Henry's Upstairs, especially, can be counted on for strange incidents. Our readers may recall a recent outing in which Richard was mistaken for someone "rich, smart, and fatherly." Well, last night he was mistaken for someone named Bill.

Yes, Richard was simply trying to have a quiet drink with friends when a strange woman suddenly appeared, draped herself around him, and insisted his name was Bill. Readers, she seemed outrageously pleased to see this "Bill," and Richard hated to disabuse her of that notion. By the time the misunderstanding began to become clear, we had all become fast friends and the woman stuck around to explain to Richard and company how her husband had left her for a 26-year old and her son had diabetes (during this long tale, she proclaimed herself to be "half-drunk," but it may have actually been more like three-quarters). And while Richard himself may have had no prior contact with the woman, it was soon discovered that Richard's friend, an East Side community organizer, had once attended a "dog party" with her, whatever that meant.

Later, at the Replay, Richard witnessed a singer-songwriter from Nebrasa performing a series of songs about "banging" his girlfriend ("I'm so glad we met, I'm so glad we fucked"), followed by a band called Labretta Suede and the Motel 6, who had come all the way from New Zealand to titillate us. Here's Labretta:



















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Chip only allows himself to be photographed at a distance, so we can't absolutely PROVE this is him in a red t-shirt cavorting with the Duke Blue Devil mascot outside the stadium at today's football game. But it really is him! (click to enlarge)

A New Installment of the Changing Face of Downtown Larryville / Fire the Cannons, Duke's In Town / Breaking News / Photo of the Weekend

If you've noticed an unusual number of bewildered-looking hipsters ambling along 8th Street, it's probably because they no longer recognize their beloved TapRoom, which now sports an elegant facade of large bay windows that allows sunlight (dreaded sunlight!) into the dive. To quote Homer Simpson: "You ain't thinking of getting rid of the dank, are you, Moe?" Truly, this is a sad day for Larryville.
















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A few weeks ago a downtown Civil War re-enactment was abruptly cancelled because Larryville's city fathers believed the cannon fire would alarm residents and disturb area dogs. But apparently that policy doesn't apply at football games, where a 75 mm Howitzer cannon will be fired this weekend each time KU scores against Duke.

Chip: "I hope to lead a chant that goes, 'Rip his fucking head off...with a cannon!' "


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A current breaking news story on the LJ-World website reads as follows:

Large gas line breaks in North Lawrence; smell covers wide swath of city

Many residents were looking forward to a better-smelling-than-usual weekend in Larryville since many local hippies have traveled south to the Winfield bluegrass festival, but perhaps this isn't meant to be.

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A. Ruscin's newest Lawrence.com photo spread is from the Replay, and we've chosen this image to share with you. It's a lonely young hipster in a tie, dancing politely by himself with his eyes closed.

Larryville's Diversity Is Called Into Question! / The Boys Consider Frat Boy Culture

Nothing upsets local progressives more than questioning the city's devotion to diversity. Well, brace yourselves, folks, because a panel from the American Institute of Architects recently completed a study here which concluded that Larryville has a “ 'paucity of celebration and nurturing of diversity' ” and what cultural assets the community does have are 'disconnected'" (LJ-World).

To prove them wrong, the city has organized a "Festival of Cultures" to be held on Sept. 27 and feature 50 different booths representing the city's various racial and ethnic groups.

Local NAACP president Robbie Derritt says in the LJ-World: “I think one of the issues has been that there are different cultures that you really don’t see out and about. They are not really showing their true numbers. It is a problem when you have people staying indoors and not getting out in the community.”

Chip: "I agree. Although we have an Indian College here, it's rare to see an Indian in downtown Larryville. And I'm pretty sure they're allowed in the bars, so it isn't that we deliberately exclude them. I guess maybe they just prefer the comforts of their homes, or wigwams, as they call them."

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KC rapper Mac Lethal's new video (check it out in our sidebar) offers a fun satirical look at frat-boy culture, but it has also made the boys realize that they actually know very little about said culture beyond the basic facts such as: frat boys love the songs of Dave Matthews and the mellow vibe of Jack Johnson; frat boys enjoy the comedy of Dane Cook; frat boys hang out at It's Brothers; frat boys get a lot of pussy.

But apparently they read books as well, specifically Tucker Max's bestseller called I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell, which is now a major motion picture which screened in Larryville last night to a sold-out crowd at Liberty Hall (which is odd, given that the place is staffed entirely by liberal townies who detest frat-boy culture, as you can see from the site's tweets yesterday: "Liberty Hall is Douche Bag Headquarters! Beware! #tuckermax" and "Tucker Max and I are not going to get along. Broadzilla.".

For those unfamiliar with Max, a recent LA-Times piece offers a rundown. In Max's "fratire," as it's been termed, he "rates women on a scale from "common-stock pig" to "super hottie" and declares himself a "professional at humiliating and 'debasing' people." His book "has sold a million copies. It famously remained on the New York Times bestseller list for more than 100 weeks and earned the writer a spot on Time magazine's 100 Most Influential People list for 2009."

According to the LA Times piece, the continuing sold-out screenings in university towns are typically accompanied by protests from women's groups, with the leader of one such group in North Carolina quoted as saying: "Films and books like his disguise disrespect, objectification and abusive behavior toward women as comedy and try to make it culturally acceptable."

While this blog has, at least once, been accused of similar charges, we want to distance ourselves from the work of the likes of Tucker Max simply because, as near as we can tell, it's simply unfunny.

Chip: "But I suppose I might end up checking out the film anyway, if it has a lot of titties in it."

The Boys Consider the Current Top Five Submissions in KU's T-Shirt Slogan Competition! / Campus Photo of the Week: Runaway Bus!

The UDK is seeking suggestions for a new T-shirt slogan and here are the five top contenders at the moment, along with a bit of commentary:

1) "Game Day: Kan U Handle It?"

Chip: "Too punny and sounds like a text message. Fail."

2) "We Walk the Walk and Rock the Chalk"

Chip: "I think we should develop some sort of special 'jayhawk walk' if we choose this one."

3) "Kansas: A School in a Plains State That's Plain Better."

Richard: "This sounds like a bad Depression-era political slogan."

4) "Heed the Hawk"

Chip: "I like the alliteration and direct address, but it sounds too polite. I vote for 'Heed the Hawk, Bitches!"

5) Rock Chalk Title Talk

Richard: "Sounds just dumb enough to win the contest."


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In an odd incident on Tuesday, a driverless KU on Wheels bus rolled into the (off-route) Biological Survey Building while its driver was (according to LJ-World speculation) inside using the bathrooms favored by KU bus drivers. Neither of the students on board were injured and the LJ-World offers this insight into their outlook on the incident:

"Both students who had been on the bus apparently were anxious to catch another bus, so that they could make it to class on time, Kaiser [assistant director of KU Parking and Transit] said. As far as he knows, the students made it."

The Boys' Book Club / The Return of "Drunken Concert Reviewer!" / Hipster Pick of the Day

Like most of the American reading public, the boys were in line last night for the midnight release party of Dan Brown's The Lost Symbol (Richard: "It's like if Indiana Jones were boring and about art."). But there's another current title that they find even more exciting: Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters.

Yes, the boys have made no secret of their love for these classic literature meets famous monster mash-ups such as Pride and Prejucide and Zombies and Mr. Darcy, Vampyr, and this new tale promises to be one of the best yet, although Entertainment Weekly offers a few criticisms:

"For no real payoff, courteous Colonel Brandon is now a gentleman with squishy tentacles dangling from his face. And suave Willoughby is now accompanied by a defecating pet orangutan."

Richard: "Who needs a 'pay-off' when you've got a shitting monkey in your book? Isn't that pay-off enough?"

Chip: "I liked the part where the monkey was shitting."

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The boys' favorite local blogger of the moment is, of course, Katy Seib.l over at www.kansascouture.com. We haven't checked in with her work in awhile, but you should continue to visit her. She's still pretty.

But this week marks the return of the on-again/off-again Lawrence.com blog called "Drunken Concert Reviewer," who's back with a provocative look at the recent show by the band Woods at the Jackpot:

"Suddenly a guy next to me starts freaking out and vibrating his entire body. His shirt says JESUS SAVES. God, I hope that's ironic, because right now music is saving him from looking like a complete fool."

Chip: "The shirt is almost certainly ironic in this instance. However, when this happens in Forttt Scottt one is usually about to start speaking in tongues."

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The Lawrence.com description of today's hipster pick (Wavves at the Replay) is funny enough that we won't even follow it up with our usual snarky comments, and it should certainly make you wonder when local blogger Richard will start his own musical side-projects:

"Nathan Daniel Williams is a young San Diego blogger who specializes in covering '90's hip-hop, but his own project, Wavves, finds him dabbling in lo-fi surf punk. It's messy, noisy and lyrically unintelligible. But it's also undeniably charming--like a beach party in a bedroom--with guitars."

The Boys Attend An Arts and Craft Fair (Special Photo Blog!) / Hipster Pick of the Day

Chip: "My dislike of art is well-known, but the practical nature of 'crafts,' on the other hand, is something I find appealing. For instance, at yesterday's Fall Art Show in South Park I came across these 'microwave potato bags,' which I had been needing for some time."


















Chip: "The 'funky fishing lure jewelry' was also something I couldn't resist. After I catch a five-pound bass with my purchase, it will then make an excellent Christmas gift for some lucky girl on my list."

















Chip: "I didn't care for the New Age-y booths, however, as I fear they are staffed by witches. What we do in Forttt Scottt if we suspect someone of being a witch is toss her in a lake and see if she floats."

Richard: "I was disappointed that the hipster art world was completely unrepresented here. Why didn't Zaguar have a booth for his collages? And why wasn't Asteroid Head selling their Asteroid Head yearbook?"
















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If you're a hipster, you're probably worn out from last night's kickball party and thinking of skipping tonight's Bad Veins gig at the Replay, but surely this description from Lawrence.com will change your mind:

"The Cincinnati duo of Benjamin Davis and Sebastien Schultz — plus a reel-to-reel tape machine named Irene — perform dense pop and rock compositions with strong beats and lots of bells and whistles."

Richard: "What's odd about that? All hipsters name their reel-to-reel tape machines. Mine is called Betty."

Take the Hipsters Bowling* / Hipster Pick of the Day: Kickball Party! / Ruscin Photo of the Week

At the LC, we like to keep up with hipsterism on the national scale as well as the local, and a recent NY-Times piece offers a fascinating profile of a hipster bowling alley in New Jersey (apparently hipsters do play other 'sports' as well, so long as they are very beer-friendly sports). Here's an excerpt:

"...this appealingly scruffy hall...blends its old-school amenities (skeevy bathroom included) and hipster credentials (a D.J. playing 80's New Wave) with an authenticity that doesn't seem strained...The bandstand is plopped on top of the middle lanes, but you can still bowl in the outer lanes" (NY-Times).

Chip: "The authenticity seems a bit strained to me, but I'd love to bowl there once and 'accidentally' let my ball fly into one of the lanes with the stage at the end of it."

*Free PBR to the first hipster who gets the music allusion in the title of today's post.

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Just when you thought local hipsters might finally shut the fuck up about kickball for at least a few weeks, along comes tonight's End of the Season kickball party at Liberty Hall. Lawrence.com urges you to let the organizers know you're attending so they can "order enough freestate kegs and nix any potential bud light drinking."

Richard: "Wouldn't Bud Light be a step up for these PBR-swillers?"


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The boys are known for their excellent dance moves, but they don't grind on local dancefloors as often as they once did. Luckily, events such as NEON (Larryville's longest-running weekly dance party) still provides a venue for Larryville's best dancers. Our local hipster-photographer A. Ruscin's weekly photo-blog on Lawrence.com takes us right onto the dancefloor. Here's a look:














Chip: "Truly, 'the robot' never gets old."

Today's Art Pick: Asteroid Head Sings Campfire Songs! / And the LJ-World Salutes Todd Reesing!

It's sad to see the Wonder Fair's "Asteroid Head Would Like To Have a Word With You" exhibit come to a close, but local hipsters and art lovers can take comfort in the fact that the show ends with a celebration called "Asteroid Head Summer Camp Reunion & Yearbook Signing," which will feature a campfire sing-a-long led by members of Larryville's beloved Fourth of July.

Richard: "There's just something moving about one of our town's best bands uniting the art and hipster world, and I like to imagine the evening will end with us all holding hands and singing along to the Fourth's 'She's in Love,' a song every hipster worth his or her PBR knows by heart:

"She’s in love with a photograph
And the idea things could last
Goddamn I never thought of that
My goddamn heart is frozen in the past"

Chip: "If you take your above statement and replace the word 'moving' with the word 'sickening,' then I totally agree."

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Today's LJ-World offers a surprisingly well-written piece with the obnoxious title of "Being Reesing: The curious, glamorous, wacky and utterly unbelievable world of one of Lawrence’s most famed residents."

Focusing on the impact of Reesing's fame on his childhood friends and the spread of said fame into the larger world of pop culture (Li'l Wayne name-checks him in a song!), the article offers an incisive look into the cult of celebrity that attaches itself to our local scholar-athletes.

Chip: "The only thing wrong with the article is that it attempts to convey the true feel of Reesing's life without a single use of the word 'pussy.'"

True enough, but it does include a nice quote from one of Reesing's childhood pals regarding our hero's success with "shapely coeds": "It's like he's fishing with dynamite" (LJ-World).

Rap Pick of the Day: Tech N9ne at Granada (with Big Scoob!)

Given the fact that last week's Granada rap show ended in gunfire, one might be forgiven for feeling a little nervous about tonight's performance there by KC's baddest "gangsta" rapper Tech N9ne.

N9ne's interview in the UDK this week, however, suggests that his off-stage persona is a little more tame (and, frankly, a bit dull). Here's a quote describing he and his posse's "pre-show ritual":

"We'll go to Buffalo Wild Wings and then after the show we go to Chipotle and have a margarita and a burrito bowl."

Chip: "I think 'burrito bowl' is street code for 'putting a cap' in someone's ass."

N9ne's tour partner, Big Scoob, has a Twitter site that paints a somewhat darker picture of what life is like on the mean streets:

"I jus seen a mafukas head get stumpt in! Like a melon on halloween 2 That was the shit."

Follow him at: www.twitter.com/therealBigScoob, and the boys will see you at the show tonight.

Richard: "I'll be the guy dancing with some ho's!"

The Boys' TV Pick of the Fall: Cougar Town! / Plus, Look Who's Twittering Is Back!

With NBC ceding five primetime hours a week to the consistently dull Jay Leno and the rest of the Big Three networks stocking their schedules with more and more reality shows and dance competitions, it's easy to get discouraged about the state of network television. But scripted comedies and dramas are not dead, and one in particular has caught the boys' attention this Fall season: ABC's Cougar Town.

Here's the synopsis from the network:

"Can a woman of a certain age be a mom, a successful career woman and still on the prowl? Jules Cobb (Courteney Cox) is about to give it a try in Cougar Town—the comedy that dares to tell the truth about dating after divorce."

Chip: "Just a few years ago we wanted to bone her because she was a sexy young Friend and now we want to bone her because she's a horny old lady. I predict this will be at least twice as good as Joey."

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Local twitter enthusiasts gather in Larryville for a monthly "Twestival" to bond over their love of social networking (and we imagine many of them get drunk, exchange phone numbers, and 'sext' each other later in the evening). Tonight's event is at Jo Schmo's. Let's check out the bar's own Twitter page to find out tonight's special:

"$3 Wheats and $5 Absolut Skittle tinis Today!!!!"

It seems that Homer Simpson's idea of "Skittlebrau' is damn close to being fulfilled!

See you at Schmo's. Follow the bar on Twitter here: www.twitter.com/JoSchmos

The Boys Play "The Beatles Rock Band!"

The boys' controversial views on video games are well-known. Richard believes they are "not art" and Chip believes they are solely for children (Chip: "For stupid children.") But will they be won over by the eagerly-awaited "Beatles Rock Band," which hits shelves today?

Richard: "As a card-carrying elitist, I'm bothered by the democratic nature of this game, with it's assumption that anyone can become the world's greatest rock band."

Pitchfork, feeling the need to review a video game, gives it a 9.5 and explains:

"...each song gets a "dreamscape." These vignettes recycle well-worn references for each song, and none of them would make the creators of Yellow Submarine lose sleep. Covering the band's psychedelic period, they're a thin metaphor for the fact that the band was well off their tits, but they also reinforce what an insular and magical place these recordings seem to emerge from-- especially if you skip the turmoil behind the scenes."

Chip: "Exactly! This is what I've said all along. The band was 'off their tits.' 'I am the walrus?' Give me a break! I suspect the special-edition of the video game comes with LSD."

Local Citizens Consider Today's Presidential Address to Schoolchildren / Pitchfork Endorses a Local Band (sadly, it's not the Transmittens)

The President's address to the nation's schoolchildren today has, of course, been under much scrutiny, with the Right apparently convinced it may contain subliminal socialist messages and perhaps a graphic explanation of "death panels." Larryville schoolchildren were given the choice of "opting out" of watching the address if a parent contacts their teachers in advance.

Chip: "I guess I'm a little surprised that anyone in liberal Larryville would mind. According to many in Forttt Scottt, Larryville children are required to kiss Obama's picture each day as they enter the building and swear a socialist oath each afternoon."

Let's take a look at the LJ-World message board to get a (presumably) non-satirical conservative take on the controversy, which we'll quote here at length.

mindylogan83 writes:

"ok I got the opt out letter today for my son and I say ok i figured if my whole country voted for him then can he be that bad it seems like everybody had bummper stickers and wanted him as president but I am starting to fell like they didnt want him as a president they just wanted him cause they wanted to finnelly have a color person cause from most post on this they dont like him why vote for him if you dont like his belives and before you tear me down i didnt vote at all I didnt think any one of them had my belives I am a christen and dont believe in abortion or gay or other thinks he believed in I only believe in the bible and what it says."

Chip: "Most people in Forttt Scottt also do not believe in 'abortion' or 'gay.'"


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It's a happy day for Larryville hipsters, as Pitchfork has given a (more or less) positive "track review" to Chomp Womp recording artists Baby Birds Don't Drink Milk's song "Train Fuzz":

"Here we have a specimen from a band from Lawrence, Kansas, called Baby Birds Don't Drink Milk (uh…) that appears as embryonic My Morning Jacket. We get some doleful guitar and unintelligible vocals crying out from the womb, like a cat on the porch muffled from the inside drywall..."Train Fuzz" is such an appealing slice of sound, it's almost as if songwriting would spoil the effect."

Richard: "You better get there early for the next BBDDM show because the hipsters are going to be out in force now."

Chip: "The vocals of all local bands sound to me like a muffled cat. Nice description."

Cl.thier: "Am I the only motherfucker here who thinks songwriting is important?"

Hipsters on Film / Also: At Long Last, Hipster Porn Has Arrived!

Most hipster bands are content with a few years of drunken gigs at local bars before dwindling into the recesses of hipster-memory (a happy place full of "cow clouds"), but others, more pretentious and ambitious, insist on transferring their ideas to film.

Ssion, the gay performance-art band out of KC, began their career parading around in cowsuits and performing karaoke-style (you may remember them from the first Yeah Yeah Yeahs show in Larryville). Somewhere along the way they must have learned to play guitars and worked "with local art-scene mystic and musical prodigy J. Ashley Miller" (Wayward Blog) to become one of KC's most beloved hipster acts. "It started out as us making a gay record. And then pop trumped gay," Ssion's lead singer tells the Wayward Blog (Chip: "It's still very gay."). Now, with their film Boy, they're out to conquer new territory.

The Wayward Blog describes the plot as follows:

The film begins with Boy and Woman, who are "fat teenagers driving around country roads and coming to a school building that houses the Church of Satan. With a $50 swipe of his mom's debit card, the boy and girl become members. The girl begins lusting after money and power and grows quickly into the Woman, a deranged, Russian-accented, pseudo-Fascist businesswoman. Meanwhile, after breaking free of his tyrannical Ma (played by an all-in Chadwick Brooks) the Boy stumbles through a technicolor fantasia of underground gay clubs, leather-clad punk bands, fireside rituals, brushes with debased celebrities and so forth to emerge as a Prince-like cult phenom."

Chip: "That 'technicolor fantasia' is exactly how people from Forttt Scottt imagine Larryville to be."

Richard: "I hope this is better than the Lips' Christmas on Mars and I look forward to checking it out."


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Readers, if you've ever wanted to know what hipsters say and think while they are fucking, you are in luck. Thanks to our friend Beth, we have learned about a website called "Look at this hipster fucking."

Yes, it's a pornographic website (more or less...it's really pretty hard to get aroused by hipsters fucking).

If you check it out, I recommend you do so in the privacy of your own home, perhaps with your best hipster girl or boyfriend by your side along with a case of PBR.

http://lookatthishipsterfucking.tumblr.com/

Since this is a family-friendly blog, we won't offer a picture here but we will offer one of the captions from the site:

"No, you get up and put ‘Surfer Rosa’ back on."

Highly recommended!

This Week in Local Crime / Is It Art, or Isn't It?

There was so much 90's hip-hop at the Replay for this year's Nogglefest that it sounded like the medley contest of a Cl.thier gig. While Noggle and his fellow celebrants shook their asses politely in the back of the room, others performed more visibly, chief among them the young lady who stood atop the benches in the center of the patio, seducing two lucky gentlemen with the lyrics to "Pussy Control":

"Pussy got bank in her pockets
Before she got dick in her drawers
If brother didnt have good and plenty of his own
In love pussy never did fall."

Richard: I don't think that girl was the traditional hipster and I wish I'd gotten her number."

The evening ended peacefully without a single shot fired, but that wasn't the case a block away, where shots were fired among the crowd loitering in the parking lot near the Granada after a rap event called "Bay Boy Post Game Party." No one was injured, but the LJ-World's on-line talkbackers are riled up. One on-line hipster named Farney Mac says:

"Funny how these shootings always seem to coincide with hip-hop shows. I don't recall anyone getting shot after, say, an Okkervil River show."

Richard: "He's got a point, but at the same time you might start longing for the excitement of a little gunfire if you went to an Okkervil River after-party and spent a half hour listening to PBR-fueled hipster parse the lyrics to 'Bruce Wayne Campbell Interviewed On The Roof Of The Chelsea Hotel, 1979.'"

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The Bourgeois Pig hosts the opening reception for local artist John Geery's "Terminals to Turnpikes" exhibit tonight, featuring colorful paintings of
"18-wheelers from the 60's to the late 70's" (LJ-World).

Chip: "I like it because I can understand it. It's just a bunch of colorful trucks. I vote 'art' on this one."

Sports Photo of the Week: Meet Your Future Lawyer!

With KU's football season getting underway in a mere four hours, today's LJ-World offers this inspiring front page photo of KU law student John-Mark Zini (on left):











Chip: "If I ever actually 'rip the fucking head off' a Missouri player, and I hope to, this is the guy I want to defend me."

This Week in Local Music News / Plus, The Boys' Consider the New "Road Hawks" Website

The best-selling local album in Larryville history, and arguably the most influential, is getting a ten year re-release on Tuesday. Yes, it's the Get Up Kids' Something to Write Home About, and if you were an emo-kid or a hipster in Larryville ten years ago the record has surely been the soundtrack to many a lonely night spent writing bitter love poetry and not getting laid (emo kids) or drinking too many PBR's and not getting laid (hipsters). The Kids' will embark on a 39-city tour which kicks off this month.

Chip: "Emo remains my favorite genre of music, aside from blipcore. It just speaks to my melancholy nature."

Richard: "I can't wait until we get to celebrate the ten-year anniversary of the first Transmittens' record. By then, I can only imagine their influence will be so pervasive that nearly every band plays toy instruments and has at least one song about 'sparklemittens.'"

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The KUsports website has developed a new interweb guide to KU's road games with advice or where to stay and what to eat when following the team. You can check it out here:

http://www2.kusports.com/destinations/road-hawks/

Let's take a look at local sports commentator Chuck Woodl.ng's thoughts on Colombia, Missouri.

"Always the most dreaded trip of the year. Why? Because you have to drive to the home of Missouri University on I-70. I’d rather eat glass than drive on this outdated, underfunded, truck-clogged interstate."

Chip: "Well, he got that part right, but his mistake is going on to list various places to dine and shop once you get there. We all know that, when heading to Colombia or Manhattan, the only reasonable strategy is to get in and get out, like a military operation, because the people there hate us and we hate them. Oh, sure, Colombia has a Quinton's in it, but the titties there are not nearly so nice as the titties here. I recommend you go to the website of the Larryville Q's and watch the slideshow. I saw Woodch.ck in it!"

www.baranddeli.com

Nogglefest Opening Ceremonies (and other activities) / Ruscin Photo of the Week!

The hipster pick of the day is, of course, the kick-off to Nogglefest (slated for the Free State patio) but there are other events in town as well for those who didn't manage to score a golden ticket to the bacchanalia.

The football season gets underway on Saturday with this year's team seen as legitimate contenders for the Big 12 North title. And with yesterday's announcement that KU athletics would be donating 40 million dollars to academic programs, you might just convince yourself that academics are as important as sports here (depending on how many Bud Light "fan cans" you enjoy that day).

For those who prefer their competition more informal and drunken, the Student Union Activities committee will offer a few hours of lawn games outside the Stadium before each home game, allowing tailgaters to enjoy such activities as "washers, corn hole and monkey ball" (LJ-World). (Chip: "In Forttt Scottt, 'corn hole' has a different meaning, and it's usually played in haylofts.").

Also, perennial hipster favorites Ad Astra Arkestra (formerly Ad Astra Per Aspera) will be performing an unprecedented early show at the TapRoom which they are calling the "Ad Astra Drumline and Freakout Ensemble" which seems designed to allow hipsters the kind of experience they never got to witness at the Wakarusa Festival because they were always too cool to pay for a ticket and mingle with hippies.

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We often associate local hip-hop with shootings at Club Axis, but a seemingly peaceful crowd gathered at the Granada last night to watch a performance by D-12 (better known as Eminem's old posse).

Ruscin's photo blog of the evening reveals that, although they may have been peaceful, the audience members still looked pretty damn tough:

The Boys' Book Club is Back / Also: This Week in Lynn Jenkins News!

Progressive parents in Larryville often entertain their children with scary bedtime stories featuring local villains such as Lynn Jenkins and her evil but invisible sidekick "the great white hope."

A new book on the shelves called "John Brown: His Fight for Freedom" now offers parents a heroic tale to set alongside those villains: the story of legendary local abolitionist John Brown and his raid on Harper's Ferry. Written by a KU alumnus, the 40 page illustrated book is faithful to the historical record, not glossing over "the killing of five pro-slavery settlers on Pottawatomie Creek by Brown and his sons and the fact that the first man killed during the raid at Harpers Ferry — where Brown was attempting to take over an armory — was a free black man named Shephard Hayward." (LJ-World).

Richard: "It's certainly important for young liberals to learn at an early age that sometimes killing is necessary."

Chip: "My parents mainly read to me from Pokey Little Puppy and My Pet Goat, and I think I turned out okay."


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Lynn Jenkins held another health-care town hall meeting in Larryville yesterday and, although nothing has emerged as controversial as "the great white hope" comment of last week, the meeting was by all accounts eventful. Let's turn to a liberal from the LJ-World talkback to get a sense of what happened:

"While she was stalling, talking about unrelated subjects, she made divisive remarks to the effect that “they” (Pelosi, et al) are not like “us” in Kansas because they go from apartment to subway while we drive a long way to work, we drive tractors and they don't… it was divisive politics that was breathtakingly insulting. We have different opinions... having nothing to do with whether we personally take the subway or a tractor to work. This stuff may work before uneducated audiences but I doubt even they have reduced everything to something so simplistic."

Chip: "I wanted to attend this event but my tractor wouldn't start."

Here's a picture of one of Richard's former drama students giving Jenkins the "skunk-eye."

This Week in Local Sports: Bud Light "Fan Cans" / Recent Concert Reviews / The Boys' Consider Other Hipster Websites

In time for football season, Bud Light is distributing special "fan cans" to college towns across the nation. The cans, as you might guess, come in the colors of the various colleges. KU's athletics department, however, is less than pleased with the crimson and blue Bud Lights. Associate athletics director Jim Marchiony says: "“We wrote to Anheuser-Busch requesting that they not move forward with that project...I think the major issue is that it appeals to what we think is a large number of underage drinkers. We think that’s a mistake on Anheuser-Busch’s part" (LJ-World).

What do the boys think?

Richard: "We're dealing here with kids who get shitfaced at daybreak while tailgating for the season's early games. I hardly think the color of the cans will play a large role in how much they consume. As for me, I'll stick to PBR, whose cans are always delightfully and unchangingly red, white, and blue."

Chip: "I detest Bud Light, but I love KU. I've stocked up on several cases and after each one I crush the can against my forehead and yell 'Rip his fucking head, off!'"

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The boys were unable to make it to the Beaumont for the recent Lee "Scratch" Perry show, but the Pitch's Wayward Blog offers this take on the state of the current music scene:

"I retreated to the outside part of the Beaumont Club, where there were $1 Schlitz drafts and a bigger crowd for kickball than there was for the 73-year-old reggae legend inside. Pretty sad."

Chip: "What's 'reggae?'"

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The LC is not your only source on the web for hipster-related news. The website Stuff Hipsters Hate (www.stuffhipstershate.tumblr.com/) is, of course, a blatant rip-off of Stuff White People Like. Although it's definition of the term "hipster" seems even more variable than ours and its three times less funny, you might learn a few things there, such as why hipsters hate Lady Gaga:

"Lady Gaga is like some kind of plastic pop-‘bot, vomiting up slick licks from an undoubtedly limited chasm of treacle. I’d make the “poke-her-in-the-face joke,” but that’s totes played-out. Shit. Now that song is totally stuck in my head. Quick, someone put on some Animal Collective and eradicate that barely warmed-over hot mess from my cranium."

Much better is the site called Look at This Fucking Hipster (www.latfh.com). We've discussed it here before, and it gets old pretty quick, but it's still your best bet for the occasional gem such as this:















Chip: "Are they calling their girlfriends?"