Opening Day!

Readers, there's no point in talking about much else in Larryville today besides kickball. You know how some people wait all year for opening day of baseball season? They love the crack of the bat, the first juicy bite of a ballpark hotdog, the antics of the beloved team mascot. Well, it's not so different for local hipsters who await the...dull thud of the first kick, the first bland bite of an Eastside veggie burger, the drunken antics of that fucker who runs the bases dressed like Pooh.

It's almost enough to make the boys themselves wish they had a team. But what would such a team look like? Let's imagine the star player:

Richard, AKA "Sugar Dick." He kicks the ball like he makes love to a Quinton's waitress: Hard!

Chip, AKA "The Forttt Scottt Flash." Don't be fooled by his constant crotch-scratching and tobacco chewing: the man has a background in "real" sports, like tennis.

Cl.thier, AKA "The One-Man Soccer Riot." His recent rumble during a KC soccer match got him mentioned by name on Kansas City sports radio. He's not afraid to punch a motherfucking hipster, if need be.

Perhaps the boys will indeed assemble a team next year. But for now, we'll see you at tonight's game of the week at Hobbs Field: Rangelife Records vs. WildMan Vintage. The LC is rooting for Rangelife because their players are more well-known.

Remember that complete schedules can now be found on-line each week at Lawrence.com (proving once and for all that kickball is officially hip and far less "sport" than "entertainment"). And don't forget that the league has expanded to some new fields this season, including two at the Fairgrounds, nicknamed "Fairgrounds Wrigley" and "Fairgrounds Fenway."

Dr. X: "This is just...blasphemous!"

And if you're too hip for kickball or your games end early, join Richard at the Replay for the Danny Pound Band. Lawrence.com says: "Pound has been reincarnated as the ghost of Gram Parsons--a barn-burning troubadour with a country love affair and a rock-and-roll heart."

Richard: "Myself, I just think of him as a nice guy who works at the Merc."