Thursday, May 14, 2009

The Boys Bid Farewell to's "Deadwood Edition"/ Free State Beer Review! / International Surf-Bike Competition! / Lost Geeks Speak Out!

Readers, how often has this happened to you? You're sitting on the Replay patio in the middle of the afternoon reading's Deadwood Edition and sipping a lukewarm PBR when you look over and see a moderately attractive hipster chick doing the exact same thing, at which point you raise your can in a toast and join her for a discussion regarding the Replay's best bartenders before adjourning to Jensen's Liquor and then her apartment to screw politely while listening to Bon Iver's "For Emma, Forever Ago" (which lasts 37 minutes, plenty of time). If you're anything like the boys, it happens often. But that scenario is at an end this week, because the "Deadwood Edition" will no longer be printed due to these tough financial times. Sure, it will continue to live on-line, guiding us all to important shows, but it just won't be the same. What are we supposed to do now? Carry our laptops to the Replay? Replay hipsters do not own laptops.

The crew will be at the Replay on Friday at 6:00 for a "Death to Deadwood Wake" in honor of the 246 beautiful issues that have been printed. Here's the press release:

"Please join us at this early party on the Replay patio for a drink or four! With the sounds of SceneboosterSoundSystem! And $1.50 Hamm's!"

Richard: "I wish I had a complete collection of the Deadwoods. It would get me sooo laid this weekend."


For local townies and hippies, it doesn't get much more exciting than the unveiling of a new beer at Free State, and in this new series the boys will evaluate each new beer. First up is this month's "Brinkley's Maibock," the annual May bock beer, known for "a crisp, complex flavor and a golden appearance" (Pitch). Free State's version is named after a Dr. Brinkley, "purveyor and implanter of goat glands and one of Kansas' most infamous mad scientists" (Pitch).

Chip: "Well, it does taste kind of like goat, but at the same time I've had much worse at Free State, which has yet to brew anything half as nice as a Coor's Light, although I'm kind of fond of the 'Cyclist,' which is 75% lemonade."

Richard: "For me, this beer has the aroma of a spring thunderstorm rolling in during a kickball game, when the first heavy drops begin to dampen the smelly suit of the guy who runs around the bases wearing a Pooh costume. Delicious!"


An important event is slated for the Percolator tonight: An International Surf-Bike competition. Here's the press release: "Meet in front of the Percolator. If you don't have a surf-bike, any bike will do. If you DO have a surf-bike, you will totally rule!"

Richard: "It's true that anyone with a surf-bike totally rules, but I'm fairly sure no one around here has one and that word of this event hasn't really spread, internationally."

Chip: "It's just going to be a bunch of locals on their boring old bicicyles isn't it?"

Richard: "I'm afraid so, Chip. Yes, it is."


Since about half of our readership consists of Lost geeks, the day after the finale seems a perfect time to look at a few theories from an on-line talkback. They are presented here without commentary (except for once!) because their combination of sincerity and preposterousness make them funny enough on their own. Enjoy!

"The statue is not Anubis or Sobek. It is Tawaret. Same exact head wear, same exact ears, four toes, holding the ankhs to his side. Sobek is the not only four toed as another poster commented. Tawaret was an ancient egyptian goddess of fertility and protector of pregant women. Funny how pregnant women die on the island after the statue was destroyed. do an image search for Tawaret LOST and you'll see."

"When JACOB's on shore watching The Black Rock Ship come sailing in, the other guy who sits w/Jacob says something about "a loop-hole." Well, guess what fans, when BEN & JOHN are inside the 4-toed statue home of JACOB, right before BEN stabs JACOB, JACOB's leaning on a pillar & says to JOHN, "Well, I guess you found your loop-hole." JACOB IS the other guy on the shore, & JOHN IS NOW JACOB! JACOB entered JOHN's body immediately when JOHN's coffin landed on The Hydra Island w/SUN, BEN, FRANK, ILANA, BRAM & all the other people who survived Ajaira Flight 316 crash. That's why RICHARD had been saying that JOHN appeared different. JACOB took the form of JOHN. JOHN was never resurrected; he was, however, resurrected to a degree. JACOB IS IN JOHN! JACOB has used the dead as vessel's for a long time (ie. YEMI, CHRISTIAN, ALEX, BEN's mother, etc.) He has the ability to do that. Thus,
now as JOHN, JACOB will help The LOSTIES."

"Any thoughts on Jacob's reading material while he was sitting on the bench waiting for Locke to do his "swan dive" out the window? I checked Wikipedia and all it said was that Flannery O'Connor's "Everything that Rises Must Converge" is a collection of short stories published in 1965 after her death. The short story that gives the book its title is about race relations. (Hmmmmm. Another reference to black and white?) Also, what to make of the book's cover art - an arrow "converging" with a dove? The first thing that occurred to me about the book title was a converging of time lines."

Richard: "This fucking bonehead doesn't consider O'Connor's importance as a religious writer whose central concern is 'moments of grace'"

"The final "LOST" screen! The colors were inverted!! Harbinger of things to come?"

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