Wednesday, May 20, 2009

The Boys Consider the First Week Without's Deadwood Edition/Also: American Idol / Plus,Harry Lupus Finale: The Official Poster Appears!

Readers, you've no doubt noticed many vacant boxes as you stroll along Mass. Street this week (perhaps they'll be put to use as...birdfeeders or something). It makes us wonder: how are hipsters coping with the loss of their beloved magazine? Let's take a look at the on-line talkback from

Meganstuke, along with another local hipster lady, lodges this complaint: "What will I read while I hover over the toilet at the Replay?"

MjA writes: "The Deadwood was something to look at while you wait for someone to drink with. Now what do we have? The Pitch? No thanks. I'd rather watch people watch their laptops."

kellycorcoran, well-known Love Garden personality, offers a more complex look at the issue that uses the word "hyperlocal" a lot: "I viewed the paper version as the flagpole of local relevancy in an internet sea of hyperlink cultural irrelevancies. Thumbs down to the World Co. for not understanding that "hyperlocal" medium requires a regular public reminder of its existence to remain relevant in the "hyperlocal" marketplace."

trailer steps in with a rare dissenting position: "i'm glad i'll never see the deadwood edition delivered to me again. most of the stuff is so simple and predictable. we GET there are a lot of people in lawrence whose favorite place is the replay and favorite tv show is spaced...enough already."

Richard: " 'trailer' sounds very much like Chip!"


Like all boring Americans, the boys anxiously await tonight's American Idol finale, but who do they favor, Kris or Adam? The critical consensus on Kris Allen is that he's "nice, engaging, safe, and non-threatening" (LJ-World), while Adam Lambert is (presumably) dangerous, unpredictable, and gay, very very gay.

Chip: "In Forttt Scottt, our church prayed for Kris's victory."

Richard: "Myself, I'll be watching 'The Cougar.' Here's tonight's synopsis from the official Cougar site: "Stacey meets the families of the cubs.' Enjoy the video 'sneak peek' of this 'controversial' episode in the sidebar."

Chip: "As far as I know, in the history of cougar-fucking, no cub has ever taken the woman home to meet his parents, primarily out of fear that she'd abandon the cub for his father."


With Dr. X so focused on the Idol finale, the long-awaited Harry Lupus season finale keeps getting delayed. Luckily, Dr. X has sent in this intriguing poster which provides a frightening glimpse of what may be in store for us later this summer! (click to enlarge, if you dare!).


liberace! said...

Since when did just being "very, very gay" suddenly make you "dangerous" as well? It's about time, bitches!

Anonymous said...

Don't steal Dr X's routine.

proud rural american said...

Since forever.

Kick awesome! Mediocrity prevails!

Dr. X sez: said...


Frankly, I could give two shits twice about whether Glambert fucks men or produce (because he's so very 'edgy' and shit -- he could make a veggisexualism popular, ya see). *sigh* Kids and women who shameless crave for gay men, who, very politely remind them that they have zero interest in them sexually, are professedly stupid.

There. I said it. It needed to be said.

And why? Because I'm sick of listening to idiot comments saying that the Kris Allen is too milquetoast or that Glambert was robbed. No. Listen fucktwats: Glambert CAN sing. He merely chose not to week after week. He has great range... and a screech that he slaps onto every song that makes me cringe because the fucker does have talent... but he insists on ruining it with his screech.

Likewise, guess what ya genius bitches. See, when I use bitches -- it's both cool and derogatory. When others use bitches, you sound like a bunch of punk as bitches... lapping up my nipple sweat, lookin for a ride. Fuckin hit the bricks, ya unwashed hobos. Back to the score: Guess what genius bitches: the AI -- it's on fucking FOX. You know, the same fucking FOX that is run by a corporate CONSERVATIVE media wonk. How does it surprise you that the fanbase who watches AI... you know, families and shit, would vote for the clean cut kid who sings with consistency?

Fucktards. Word. Even MORE so... uh, the judges were in the bag for Boyliner EVERY. FUCKING. WEEK. Even the lowest common denominator who would watch AI weekly doesn't like to be told to like something... And they took the Glambert and told him to hit the bricks, shitty.

Now, the irony here is that Dr. Fuckin X really oughta pull for the Glambert.. because if someone would just beat the fucking snot out of him until he stopped screeching -- he'd be the bomb fucking yo-yo. Problematically, when you take a song like U2s "one" and remove the sincerity from the message and make it all about Adam Fucking Lambert -- you miss the golly-god damn point.

Whem you try and pass off the Jeff Buckley version of "Ring of Fire" as your own invention, same with Gary Jules' version of "Mad World": your a bitches, bitches. Kid's got mad skills... and too-tight pants. I once recognized him as a bad attempt at trying to be a cross of Freddie Mercury (irony: they bring in Queen to play with him) and the lead singer of The Darkness... but I have now come to realize that he's just the reincarnation of the would-be career of the leas singer of mutha fucking Steelheart.

What -- you music bitches don't remember Steelheart's classic 80's power ballad "I'll Never Let You Go"? Look it up, shitstocks. It's Adam Fucking Lambert's playbook.

Now. Enough. Your bitches lost, megabitches. The Conway boy's mad-following of 10 year olds and religious junkies network was stronger than the lazy-ass network of the princessy-pop stylings of the Lambert fan. So, YOU bitches blew it. Not the Glambert. Not the transition Gokey network which likely gave Allen the 2 to 1 number he needed to WHIP THAT BOY'S ASS... YOU blew it.

Y'all bitched up like a buncha jaded, dateless wonders... lusting after a chubby-thighed boy who has about as much use for you as I have for a fucking pink tutu and a ridding crop salad.

So shutcha cake holes, and go cry off your frustrations in therapy. Bitches.

And to the anonymous fuckah that has my back: that's lovely... but Dr. Fucking X fights his own gimmick infringement -- get to the back of the line to stroke his junk with the rest of America.

--The Bitches Bitch has just fucking way-laid you with his awesome throbbing cock of power and destiny. Sword-fucker!

veggisexualist! said...

The only proper response to Dr. X's post?

Angel Eyes said...

I think this is far more appropriate:

cl.thier said...

Wow, that video was

10 Marshall stacks and three lead guitarists - 80s hair metal at its cliched finest! The backwards yelp (echoed by the guitar) 3:25 was priceless. I'm going to have to kick that next Friday.

eternal brother said...

And I don't think there's a recorded version of Jeff Buckley doing "Ring of Fire" out there - at least I've never heard it or heard it talked about. If there is, someone point me that direction!

Dr. X used to frequent concerts! said...

I have that "Ring of Fire" around here somewhere.

But I think it's on a damn cassette and it's a bootleg of him in concert.

It's pretty much the same thing, except Buckley brings the hotness better and the zither player MUCH stronger.

steelheart medley! said...

That's how I'll be advertising the next Cl.thier gig!