Tuesday, September 14, 2010

The LC Strongly Supports Late-Night Downtown Food Carts / Continuing Coverage of Franzen's Novel!

Hipsters, would you love it if you could stumble out of the Replay at 2:00 a.m and sate your PBR-fueled cravings with something from a food cart called the Last Stop Snack Shop, located conveniently in front of the Masonic Temple? (we wish it were called Last Call Snack Shop, but we suppose that might remind people of the weekly gun-battles that used to occur at the Last Call nightclub).

If you support such an important business venture, as we do, make sure to head down to City Hall tonight and voice your opinions, because local supervillain Doug Compton hopes to put a stop to it. Compton, who leases the nearby spaces currently occupied by Pita Pit, Encore, and Pyramid Pizza, says that these businesses "shouldn’t have to compete with a food cart that will operate cheaply on publicly owned property" (LJ-World). If we're not mistaken (and we aren't), there will be very little overlap between these businesses and the hours of the food cart, and even if there were, shouldn't drunken consumers have the option between a shitty Pita Pit snack or a shitty Pyramid slice and...whatever the Last Stop boys will be offering from their cart? We believe they should.

See you at City Hall.


Since we can't convince everyone to read Franzen's Freedom, no matter how hard we try, the least you can do is listen while we share some of our favorite passages with you. Yesterday we came across this important moment when rock star Richard Katz shocks himself by realizing that he's come to prefer sleeping with women his own age as opposed to nubile teenagers:

"Nowadays especially, the young chicks were hyperactive in their screwing, hurrying through every position known to the species, doing this that and the other, their kiddie snatches too unfragrant and closely shaved to even register as human body parts" (Franzen 349).

Readers, if the greatest literature is meant to illuminate one's own existence, we can honestly say that this passage made us feel a little better about never getting to bang our favorite Quinton's waitresses. Thank you, Franzen. But we'd still like to try out all those positions.

Our feminist readers: "Once again, we assert: Is reading this book really a necessary way for President Obama to spend his time? And also: why do today's young women insist on shaving their snatches?"


Anonymous said...

And this is why NO ONE listens to feminists.

Or women in general.

Unless they are moaning in bed.

Anonymous said...

Now now, that was a pretty good point those feminists made. For a girl, anyways.

Jacqueline said...

Man, I feel like I'm reading Vice Magazine.

Goober said...

What the fuck is Vice Magazine...bitches.

Anonymous said...

Something bitches probably reads, yo.

Jacqueline said...

boring anonymous bitches

rivet loose in my crotch said...

I love a tough woman on her back! This is what the LC has been missing. I wish we were "on our backs" together, feeling like I'm reading Vice magazine with you...honey pie.

And I like how you've responded. You've got more balls than GV...and probably better taste.

Baby, I've got many names. said...

Hmm, bold girl on her back...

Too easy.

...See what I did there: I insinuated that I was going off the last comment to indicate the falability of defending you and then, in declaring that was too simple, made a cunning display of naughty about your person--declaring you EZ.

Less boring, chicklet?

See: what I did there was treat you like candy.

--Damn, this place has gotten misogynist in a hurry... Is Noggle gonna hafta choke a bitch?

I want candy said...

Richard's busy choking his chicken...bitches.

your humble host said...

What a treat to return and find our horny fans interacting so pleasantly with our sexy and sassy new friend from Portland. Enjoy yourselves. As our friend Dr. C. used to say about Quinton's, this is a "carnival space" where anything can happen (but usually boner jokes).