Thursday, March 11, 2010

The LC Considers Corey Haim / Weekend Box-Office Picks

Relax, readers, we're not going to make snarky comments about another sad passing of a former child star. Truth be told, we're fans of Corey, and often find ourselves perusing the special "Coreys" shelf at Miracle Video (Chip: "That shelf is very near the porno room.").

But the fact is that we live in a culture of internet talkbackery, where the death of a celebrity is no more immune to cynical commentary as is the opening of a new film from that Robert Pattinson kid who every woman wants to fuck right now because he plays a pale vampire in the Twilight films.

Let's see what the AV Club talkbackers are saying about Haim:

Just a guy says: "I look forward to his 20-minute Hughes-esque tribute at next year's Oscars."

Aosuke says: "He now has a License to heaven."

And, in an unrivaled bit of cruelty, Hey Hays says: "One down, one to go." (referring, of course, to Corey Feldman).

Then, mizerock, offended, says: " Would you make these remarks to your mother? Or to a group of co-workers? Friends? Seriously, sometimes I question the value of the internet for our society, when the semi-anonymous nature of it devolves so make people into "top this!" levels of rudeness and inappropriateness. Or, on the other hand, maybe this is what most of the world is really like, and without constant reminders of it, I'd quickly forget the true nature of man."

To which Chico von Guacamole retorts: "1.) @ mizerock - I make remarks that are much more tasteless to people I know every single day, so it isn't the anonymity of the internet that is responsible for my comments. 2.) Personally, I blame poor breeding. Either that or the intoxicating aroma of your mother's pussy is clouding my judgement."


Here we interrupt with a spoiler-alert regarding that aforementioned Pattinson film, Remember Me, which opens tomorrow. If you plan to see the film (Chip!), you should probably stop reading at this point.

Nick Pinkerton's review in the Village Voice is just as snarky and hateful as most internet talkback forums and insists on cruelly giving away the ending: "(Far be it from me to spoil the surprise; let's just say Robert Pattinson dies in 9/11.)"

Chip: "I didn't stop reading, but I'm sure I'll cry anyway."


Probably Beth said...

Uh, could we possibly return to discussion of bitches and titty? This whole sensitive fuck fuck is nice, but some of us sit here, pants or skirts round our ankles, looking for strong argument to either flog the molly or shamwow! the little man in the boat.

Fuck. It's damn near making me misty in here. Like a big, fluffy marshmellow of princessy bitch bitch.

--Let the fuck rise to the top of of woodchuck's absent panties already!

Beth, for real reals said...

Hey, leave me out of this!

Will the real Beth stand up? said...


Only the real Beth would openly admit to still having a Ducky poster!

dream a little dream, corey said...

Never a been fan of Ducky, but I loved that little Howard the Duck fucker. Goddamned cinematic brilliance.

RIP Mr. Haim...I'll never hear Billy Ocean or "Rock On" without pouring a little of my Mickey's out for you.

Don't cry for him, Argentina said...

Well, I dunno how tragic Mr. Haim's passing really is. I mean, he made his bed, and even if he had less time than many people, he had the chance to enjoy it more than many, or even most, of us. If he loved drugs more than anything else in this life, then he is well shut of it. RIP.

Probablyl Not Beth said...

You'd have thought having carnal knowledge of every starlet and starlet wannabe from Overland Park to Sunset Boulevard would have been enough of a natural high, but I guess not. Just goes to show you...

Well, I don't know what it goes to show you, except that, for a few years in there, the Coreys had it good. Very good.

I don't know Beth, but I wanna! said...

Who is Beth?

Is she hot? Will she date me?

From what I read here, she has style. And girls with style are usually very hot. Where can I meet this Beth, or at least one of them, and attempt to know her?

And is she a Replay girl, a Q's girl or a Cl*thier girl?

cl.thier said...

A "Cl*thier girl"?! I'm intrigued...tell me more!

I don't want to speak for Beth said...

But I think she's Replay girl!

I don't know shit bout any of this but... said...

Doughnuts don't wear alligator shoes.

Dr. C said...

You may not have noticed, Cl*thier, but I've seen 'em lined up outside your door.