Friday, March 5, 2010

Local Prudes Speak Out!

As expected, the news that Assistant Coach Towns.nd bestowed KU basketball tickets on an adult film star (tickets to the most important home game of the season, no less!) did not sit well with many citizens, leading Townsend to issue a statement explaining that he met Samantha Ryan on a plane and had no idea she was a porn actress and leading Coach S.lf his own self to step in and assure us that no crime had been committed.

Captain Chanute: "The only crime is if Townsend did NOT get a blowjob out of this incident."

Elsewhere in Larryville prudery, Mark Jarboe has written a rousing letter to the LJ-World decrying the fact that this year's Shamrock Shuffle will begin (due to road construction) at the Dirty Bird (Flamingo) strip club:

"The association of the Flamingo Club with our city’s St. Patrick’s Day events has always been disturbing. According to, an informational World Company Web site, the Flamingo Club is a “nudey joint.” According to this same Web site, lap dancing is available at the Flamingo Club. As a result I will not participate in this year’s race; I will not go inside the Flamingo Club."

Chip: "Come on, Jarboe! A little post-race lapdance would certainly help relax you. Pre-race would be nice too, although I suppose it's hard to run with a boner, and I do intend the pun on 'hard' in this sentence."

At least one of our faithful readers, Honorable Reverend H, will be participating in tomorrow's event. Is she bothered by the run's association with the legendary Northside "nudey joint?"

Honorable Reverend H: "Lighten up, Jarboe. It's just a titty bar."


Corny Beef said...

As long as the Shuffle doesn't require that you actually go into the Bird, nobody should have any complaints. Plus, stripping is just a job, like any job, and I'll vouch for the integrity and moral uprightness of a stripper over an investment banker any day. A stripper will give you a consensual lapdance, but an investment banker will rape your retirement savings as soon as your back is turned.

Irish as I wanna be said...

There were a few Patty Parades several years ago that started at a gay bar (the hideway near south park) and ended at the Bird. So I guess that's at least a 50% improvement in moral rectitude.

But I do miss the flatbed full of drag parade queens.

Ryry for Parade Queen! said...

I think that first comment was written by Anna Undercover!

Capt. Chanute said...

Hey, if a runner wants to take a lapdance from a girl with a sweatier crotch than his own, then so be it. However, I modestly advise not lying down on the bar on your back with a dollar in your mouth for the lady to retrieve. Besides, this is great publicity for Lawrence small businesses. Who knows? SamRyRy might bet there sporting her well-known assets to more than just those, like Dr. Nogs and Chip, that have invested significant capital in her collection of orgasm highlight reels. Hell, me and the Rev even enjoy a bit o' Sam Ryan on a wee Irish evening! You might just see us front row!

the rev speaks said...

The Rev has to admit...she doesn't know what Sam Ryan is...but if it was with Capt. Chanute, she's sure she had fun!