Tuesday, August 18, 2009

The LC's New Bar Alert! / Health-Care Rally on 9th Street / This Week in Campus News: Self's Beard!

The boys get excited whenever a new bar opens (current favorite: Wilde's Chateau), and Frankie and Johnny's sports bar on 23rd Street promises to be another excellent addition to Larryville's vibrant boozing scene. The owners are taking major preventive measures to eliminate the kind of violence that has recently plagued local venues such as Last Call and Club Axis. The steps include: "metal detector wands at the door, a dress code and walking custormers to their cars at the end of the night" (UDK). Owner John Perrine claims that his securite personnel has been hand-trained in "crowd control, 'verbal judo,' and alcohol awareness" (UDK).

Richard: "As best as I can tell, the owners are actually named Frankie and Johnny and seem completely oblivious to the fact that many of us associate those names with the song 'Frankie and Johnny,' a famous early 20th-century murder ballad. Perhaps not a great sign for a bar that prides itself on peacefulness. Also, I may well challenge these bouncers to a bit of 'verbal judo' some evening. I get mouthy when I'm drunk, though rarely violent."

Chip: "The dress code here is even stricter than the Power and Light district's. While the P & L seems mainly concerned with keeping out black folks, Frankie and Johnny's 'no athletic wear or jerseys' should effectively keep out the fratty types (and myself). And "no plain white t-shirts' will prevent me from wearing my 'wife-beaters.' What the hell am I supposed to wear to this joint? Perhaps a marching band jacket? I hear those are in right now."


Even as I write this, the Larryville chapter of moveon.org is hosting a "honk if you support the health care plan" rally along 9th Street outside the offices of their local hero, Democratic Congressman Dennis Moore. Click the picture for a better look at this "83% of Marxists love the public option" sign:

Chip: "I'm very scared of the 'death panels' and my favorite thing to do right now is shout incomprehensibly about them in a Town Hall format."

Richard: "I'm disappointed that the tall dude who normally flashes the peace sign at that intersection has chosen not to join them."


The talk of campus today is Bill Self's beard! Yes, Larryville's most important figure appeared at last night's "Traditions Night" looking a bit 'grizzly.' According to him, the rugged look is the result of a lost bet and he'll be keeping it for a bit. Perhaps Dr. C will write in and remind us of his scientific theory regarding beards and short skirts? (we can never quite remember how it goes). Here's a photo of what the LJ-World's front-page sports story calls Self's "furry" look.

Chip: "Who cares about a beard? I've seen this guy's penis at the Yacht Club."


marketing genius! said...

I know when I open my sports bar (Heads & Tails? Balls Deep?) the first rule I will institute will be the "No Athletic Wear or Jerseys"... that'll show 'em!

verbal judo-master said...

Yes, it is a puzzling rule for a sports bar. But it's a combination "sports bar and nightclub" which I suspect is emphasazing the nightclub angle a bit more.

I also like this rule: "Pants must be secured at the waist."

I think Chip's elastic pants are acceptable.

utopian socialist said...

Marxists get all the attention. Other socialists (including non-Marxist communists (i.e. true Christians)) love the public option, too.

anarcho-capitalist! said...

Well, I guess it goes without saying I'm against the public option, but I guess I'll say it anyway, since that's what everyone is doing nowadays.

Kickball rulz! (Though, as an ethos, I'm against rules, inasmuch as they're a product of an organized state.)

Chip said...

Death panels!!