Friday, August 21, 2009

LJ-World Article of the Week / A Public Service Announcement from Chip / And The Return of the LC's Consumer Corner!

With classes back in session at KU, the LJ-World has offered four special sections this week of impressive reporting on campus life. Perhaps the strongest of these sections was the series of profiles of important campus figures such as Bernadette Gray-Little, our new chancellor, and student Abigail Anderson, whose best friend is platinum-selling country superstar Taylor Swift. The article recalls what was, for most of us, the highlight of last semester: Swift's unexpected appearance in Anderson's Journalism course, which culminated in a "Beatlemania-type hysteria" (LJ-World).

Chip: "I should have boned Swift while she was in town. She would easily have been the most famous person I've boned."

Richard: "Who is currently the most famous?"

Chip: "Some chick from the Forttt Scottt Hooter's."


Chip: "Readers, despite my extensive and increasingly angry year-long letter-writing campaign to the city fathers, Larryville has seen fit once again to allow a dangerous tribe of nomadic street 'performers' into town for this weekend's 'Busker Fest.' More reckless still is that promoters are suggesting we tip them, which is pretty much just asking them to grab your wallet and run, after stabbing you repeatedly. If you've been planning a weekend getaway, by all means take it now."

Richard: "I can't decide if I'm more excited about Mama Lou Strong Woman or T. Texas Terry, the cowboy comic."


Since many teens, tweens, and lonely women around the world have spent recent years fantasizing about sex with undead boys (due to their perverse fascination with the Twilight series), it's only natural that businesses should capitalize on their desire in any way possible. Enter (!) Tantus Direct, a California sex-toy company currently marketing a new dildo called "The Vamp." Sure, the company can't legally use Stephanie Myer's copyrighted characters and titles, but the ad copy suggests they have cleverly found a way to attract fans of the series:

"The Vamp is a realistic form dildo... with a deathly pale flesh tone reminiscent of the new moon's glow.... Don't be surprised if this toy seduces you, its long sleek shaft and deliciously ridged head calling to you in the twilight. But don't save this for just nocturnal escapades, try taking our Vamp out in the sunlight and watch him sparkle." from:

Richard: "This is great for vampire fans, but what about the ladies who are horny for werewolves? At the LC, we are hard (!) at work on a line of Harry Lupus' Furry Boner dildoes that are sure to bring a little lycanthropic ecstasy to Harry's many female fans."

Chip: "But all this caters to women. Isn't there anything out there for guys who want to fuck female monsters?"


mama's got a squeezebox said...

Finally, sex toys and "important" literature converge...and someone said never the twain shall meet. That fucker was wrong!

Did someone ask for female monsters? said...

How oddly prophetic, since my new Saturday Night Creature Features start tomorrow!

bride of Frankenstein said...

Fuck me, Chip!