Tuesday, June 30, 2009

The Gaslight Returns! / LJ-World Cover Photo of the Week / Chip Reports from the Country Stampede!

With the disappearance of the Wakarusa Festival and the closing of the Gaslight Tavern, it's been a tough year to a be a hippie in Larryville. But good news is on the way. The rumors are true, readers: the Gaslight Tavern will officially reopen this weekend under new ownership (it's now owned by Outlaw Jake, of Outlaw Jake and the Chain Gang)! Outlaw pledges to bring in the same kind of twangy shows the venue is known for. Yes, once again, hippies will have somewhere to go on Monday nights after Free State closes!

But what happened to the proposed upscale shopping and dining district that was supposed to emerge along the riverfront in lieu of the Gaslight, giving rich people from the Westside a new place to stroll around checking the apps on their Iphones ("I can make it sound like a flute!") while drinking 11 dollar coffee? Presumably, that plan went right down the shitter with the rest of the economy.

See you at the Tavern!


We poke a lot of good-natured fun at the local newspaper's tendency to adorn their front pages with photos of cute baby foxes and adorable hedgehogs, but this week they've redeemed themselves with a major story on Vitamin D deficiency and how it can be replenished through simple summertime sunshine. Here's the photo, of college students sunbathing at Highpointe Apartments (click to enlarge and ogle):

Chip: "That girl does not look deficient in any area at all."

(and lest you think that we're the only ones stuffing a copy of the LJ-World under our mattress this week, take a look at the on-line talkback section, where folks like "woodenfleaeater" have flooded the comments section with posts such as: "There's some days I just wish I were a yellow and orange beach towel.").

Richard: "Why, oh why couldn't the LJ-World have gotten a photographer out to that skinny-dipping incident at Melrose Court last week?"


While he's yet to send in a full report, Chip did send us one intriguing photo from the weekend's Country Stampede Festival in Manhattan (yes, it says "Cougarville homegrown no silicone").

Chip: "The sign is true, as best as I could tell. Everything I squeezed felt 100% natural."


Dr. X, from atop his bulldozer said...

Have no fears, hippielover,

We have not scuttled plans for that new Light and Power District... we have just decided it would be better to destroy all the lovable haunts along Mass. St!

Given the economy, it seems like the only real way to bring in big business, if you have been reading your LJ World, is to encourage the few remaining stores on Mass to stay open later on weekdays and push that hippie trash further and further away.

See, it's really quite elegant: encourage the stores to stay open later, show the progress to larger chain stores, close down the Replay, Qs, the Jackpot... etc and replace them with beautiful Banana Republics, Restoration Hardwares and a lot of shit that will break the hippie spirit (already at a wane given the lost of the Gaslight and Wakarusa). And slowly, but ever so surely, plow every fucking dive bar and replace it with a fine martini cafe.

We have already begun (Surely, you have noticed our chocolate bar next to Ingredient? Pachamama? Our loft complexes that we're fed the lumber of shitty old trees to fire their infernal engines?).

You can't stop us, hippies.

We're going to eat your beloved establishments, and very stonedly build up places where West-Siders can indulge in their favorite activities: hitting hippies with our hummers.

--The Nefarious one.

PS. But I like to think we can all agree on the fuckability of that pool chick. On the new Mass St., these women will be sunbathing on every block... around the beautiful pool where the Replay once stood... MUHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

cl.thier said...

As a former resident of Highpointe Apartments, I can attest to the nymphtastic quality of the pool. I wasted many a summer afternoon pretending (well, trying and failing) to read Paterson and ending up ogling the talent through dark sunglasses while scribbling silly little poems about mermaids and polka dots in WCW's margins. No ideas but in bikinis!

wavy gravy said...

I have indeed noticed the perpetually empty chocolate bar as well as the deserted dueling-piano bar. Perhaps you'll indeed take our street, capitalist pigs, but you will find yourselves sipping martinis in desolate (but elegant) surroundings.

Cl.thier, you truly have my vote for next poet laureate. I'm grabbing my copy of Infinite Jest and heading over to Highpointe as we speak!

spicoli! said...

My recommendation...park a few buildings away, then wander up casually with a towel and a cooler...you'll fit right in!