Thursday, June 18, 2009

Cowboy Indian Bear / National "Dump the Pump" Day / Plus, Who is "Summer's Hottest Bachelor" (Besides the Boys)

Readers, did you ever wake up with a burning need for a new local band to love passionately, just for a few weeks, until you discard them like a used sorostitute and pretend it never happened in the first place? May we suggest Cowboy Indian Bear? Coming off a few weeks of buzzed-about local shows, the band gets a weekend Replay showcase this Friday, along with the Roman Numerals (a band most of us discarded about a year ago).

Chip: "Isn't their name a bit politically-incorrect for the sensitive climate of Larryville? Shouldn't it be 'Cowperson Native-American Bear.'"

Let's take a look at some excerpts from a recent Pitch article about the band:

"Let's get one thing straight from the get-go: There is no Cowboy, there is no Indian, and there is no Bear. 'Cowboy Indian Bear is a superhero who manifests himself through our music.' explains Marty Hillard..."

"As the EP proves, there's also a certain feeling you get with a new band — one of brotherly Bear love."

"We don't do this so we can get drunk as fuck and hang out at bars and hit on groupies," Bruns says.

Richard: "What is wrong with these guys?!"

See you at the Replay.


As part of National Dump the Pump Day, which encourages people to hop on bikes and public transportation, Larryville's ever-troubled bus system, the T, is offering free rides all day. Will the boys wait in the scorching summer heat at their local busstops for these perpetually late, brokedown behemoths, one of which mysteriously caught fire last week (although, naturally, no passengers were on board at the time)? Don't count on it.

In the LJ-World talkbacks, OneEye_Wilbur makes almost exactly the same joke Chip was slated to make here:

"a great way to turn a losing transporation system into a bigger loser."


People magazine failed the boys again this week by not choosing them as "Summer's Hottest Bachelor," going intead with Gossip Girl's Chace Crawford (we'll include photos below in a vain attempt to lure women readers back to our blog...Beth, we miss you! are you out there?). Crawford beat out such better-known stars as High School Musical's Zac Efron and that pussy vampire kid Robert Pattinson from Twilight.

Richard: "I wish People had a contest for most fatherly, rich, and smart-looking bachelor!"

Chip: "I honestly think I'd have had a chance this year if I lived in a bachelor pad that was just a bit swankier. The ladies don't like getting banged at Berkley Flats.


X likes allusion! said...


Now we're referencing prior posts very efficiently!

That's the sorta inspired reading that will get the viewers to look back upon prior posts to catch all the in-joke flavor.

Foster would be proud... But, I think you needed to use a boldface on the rich, bachelor, father thing... and maybe a half-dozen foot notes possibly telling a completely errant Harry Lupus story!

--Also, Fuck Foster!

impressed! said...

Yes, I do like the occasional in-joke for the people who actually read! And you're right about the footnotes (those could also be a good place to speculate on Chip's summer adventures in Forttt Scottt, since no one has actually seen him for about a month now!).

dr. jekyll and mr. chip said...

Is "Chip" slowly replacing He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named (But Who Shall Be Buggered By A (Cowboy Indian) Bear)?

Come Fall at Quinton's will "Chip" be there?

An Associate Editor. said...

Chip, K!p and the Kipper, himself... we all believe are actually the same person, but, for copyright reasons, we like to keep them separate.

--Also, if we didn't, there is a strong chance that no less than 2 outta 3 of those would start crying.

PS -- the other one would get severely fucked in his mangina.... possibly by a... let's say, beaver. Ironically enough.

Chip, his own self said...

I'm crying right now!

I never wanted to be the internet's most popular star (except for Keyboard Cat!).

But, yes, I plan to return to Q's this fall in a new storyline that finds me eating a different Q's sandwich each week (instead of my usual grilled cheese). Expect to be riveted!

Anonymous said...

I'm here Richard!

And I was thinking about writing a blog about People Magazine's choices for sexiest summer bachelors. They're all very pretty... and VERY young. I can't believe I'm going to say this (seeing as how I sometimes fancy myself a cougar in the making), but they chose mostly boys. Where are all the men?!


the men said...

Beth! Welcome back!

Oh, the men are all over (looking rich, smart, and fatherly...sometimes wearing elastic pants). But they are never chosen as "hottest bachelor."

Fuck People magazine!

Joe's rare comment! said...

Well, aside from bachelor-ly, I did get voted hot young professor in the English Department! They break for that Fatherly thing, especially when you are one -- I call this the Cloth factor -- whereas you were pretty ok before hand, but then you add soon-to-be daddy status in: and then you're just through the moon!

--Bruno has this thing down!

accustomed to pseudonyms said...

Now who's Joe, again? Is he related to Dr. X?

Editor of Characters. said...

Joe is an autonomous collective hellbent on destroying hipsterdom, plowing the Replay and bringing in a beautiful new Power and Lights District to Downtown Lawrence where 10$ martinis and loose, jazzy women will become familiar mainstays!