Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Pitchfork Loves the Dirty Projectors (of course) / The Power and Light District Hates Jazzy Jeff! / Plus, a Weather-Related Drinking Game for Locals!

Hipsters, perhaps you're waiting to see if Pitchfork truly loves the Dirty Projector's new album before you head down to Love Garden today to pick it up. Rest assured, they love it! The album has received a 9.2 (keep in mind that Grizzly Bear's recent masterpiece only received a 9.0!).

Here's an excerpt from Pitchfork's review:

"I don't quite understand what Longstreth is going for with the song's whale-plea mantra, but when it sounds like this-- so gigantic, so effortless, so unbelievably catchy-- I could really give a fuck. It's pure bliss, tension that results in glorious release."

Richard: "This review almost comes right and out and says that these critics are literally beating off to their favorite hipster bands. Of course, we've known that for some time."

Chip: "When I want to beat off to a record, I'll stick with something sexy, thank you very much. Maybe Al Green. Or the Jonas Brothers."


Since it first appeared, KC's upscale Power and Light District has been plagued with charges of racial profiling due to their dress codes which prohibit baggy clothing and other potentially "gang-related" accessories (local liberals have nicknamed the venue the "Power of White" district). This past Saturday, an event occurred which has truly fanned the flames: DJ Jazzy Jeff's set was mysteriously cut short fifteen minutes in and he was escorted from the stage. His claim: the officials didn't want him to spin rap. The venue's claim: Jeff's sound guys refused to conform to the proper levels and were about to blow the system. Mounting evidence suggests that the event is not as racially motivated as it first appeared, but it has produced a wealth of on-line commentary that's sparking a much-needed debate about racism in the KC area. A blog has even sprung up that is solely dedicated to the issue: www.fuckpowerandlight.blogspot.com/ It's written by a "white dude with a job that's never been to the P & L and isn't planning to."

Hip-hop websites are also abuzz. Here's a comment from someone called E-Rhymes:

"First of all BITCHES, Kansas City is the home of TECH N9NE!!!!! Nuff said! We are HIP-HOP!!!! What kills me is the racism that exists in these venues like THE POWER AND WHITE DISTRICT! Its bullshit! DJ Jazzy Jeff should never have been treated like that but thats the cards that these racist muthafuckas is dealing out in KCMO. I love my city and I wont let you bitch ass internet thugs blasphemy the 816 aka Killa City. Real talk. We the next to blow and on the real we already have! Tech N9ne is THE #1 INDEPENDENT ARTIST! And we got more to come from Heet Mob to Mon-E-G we are HIP-HOP! E.RHYMES KC REPRESENTER IM OUT....."

Gfadfb has experienced the profiling firsthand:

"i fuck with the power and light heavy and its not a club its a big ass mall like place with resturants and clubs in it its very nice but they have been racist from jump i get VIP at the nicest club there all the time and me and my crew dress right for it every time and 6 or 7 outta 10 times they say we aint dressed right but theres so many ways to get in that we always make it in and i drop $800 or more every night i do it there so they need to stop hatin..."

What do the boys think?

Chip: "The problem is that the district sends mixed-messages: we do want a diverse crowd; we don't want a diverse crowd. Make up your mind! Forttt Scottt handles this problem by being completely upfront about it: we make it very clear, often through violence, that there are certain places that the blacks and the gays and the Mexicans simply shouldn't go."

Richard: "Perhaps they simply kicked him off because he sucks so much without the Fresh Prince."


During this time of year in Larryville, there's a good chance your favorite programs are going to be interrupted due to important weather alerts. On a recent LJ-World talkback, the following drinking game was proposed to help viewers stay entertained and drunk during meteorologist Katie Horner's frequent interruptions. We reprint it here with no further commentary simply because we find it funny (and potentially very useful!):

The Katie Horner Drinking Game:

Sometimes you need a drink to get through nights like these. The tornadoes! The hail! The ego!

If Katie's wearing jeans, it's clearly casual day. All players must be in their underwear.

If Katie mentions a watch or a warning of any type, hold tight to your drink and sip nervously.

If Katie tells you it's hailing in you area, run outside to freshen the ice in your cup.

If Katie speaks directly to your children, give them a heavy dose of cough syrup. (If you don't have kids, drink it yourself.)

If Katie says "Tonganoxie," everyone passes their drink to the person on the right and chugs.

If Katie says "Take cover," top off your drink. It's gonna be a long night.

If Katie talks about being scared for you life, chug.

If Katie asks the audience to email her rainfall totals or storm damage reports, take a crazy party pic and send it to her.

If Katie references Newschopper 5, take 5 gulps.

If Katie announces a tornado warning, fire up the blender and make some pina coladas.

If Katie talks about Doppler coupling, make out with the person to your left.

If Katie walks off screen, take a long, steady chug until she returns.

If Katie talks about peace of mind, drink.

If Katie tells you you're in the clear, the game ends.

If a tornado actually hits your house, move the party to KCTV5 and get Katie drunk with you!


crazee swurv said...

I plan on playing this game today, wearing baggy jeans and gang-related clothing, all while at the Power & Light District, listening to "Parents Just Don't Understand". Screw whale-plea mantras - they're so 2004.


from Jazzy Jeff's twitter said...

"I guess...Kansas just don't understand...lol"


Now let's get drunk with Katie Horner...this rain is the shiznit!

It's RAINING men! said...

Ya know,

Many years ago, when I lived in St. Joe, MO -- the first thing to come out of my mouth when I saw her weather forecast was: "Kater Horny is kinda hot" (mind you this is over 10 years ago.).

But, I like to think that, if she was a little drunk and I was really fucking loaded, there could be some hot Cougar-Style action going down as she took me into the lone dirty alley in the Power and Light district and showed me exactly how a weather girl got DRRRTTY!

Oh, spark my lightning rod Kater!

Make my rain barrel fill!

--Dr. X? Maybe. Just as long as Mrs. X doesn't know about my salacious sex fantasies surrounding Kater Horny.

chip's weather innuendoes said...

I've got an F-5 twister in my pants for her. And there WILL be a microburst!

(if you catch my meaning).